{"id":9884,"date":"2017-07-09T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-07-09T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9884"},"modified":"2017-07-09T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-07-09T06:00:00","slug":"staying-close-in-remarriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/blended-family\/remarriage\/staying-married-remarriage\/staying-close-in-remarriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Staying Close in Remarriage"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Blended family living can create a unique barrier that often keeps couples from staying close to one another. This barrier grows with the concerns, frustrations, and struggles that are all too common in remarriage. I call it \u201cthird party thorns.\u201d<\/p>\n

These prickly, blended family realities include things such as tenuous stepparent-stepchild relationships, an antagonizing ex-spouse, leftover debt that preceded the marriage, the memory of a wonderful marriage that ended in death, and even an ex-mother-in-law. But despite these thorns, healthy couples find a way to stay close.<\/p>\n

For example, let\u2019s look at Matt and Sherry. Matt has a very high need for closeness. His father and mother divorced when he was very young, so he grew up without a great deal of family stability. He mainly lived with his mother and blamed himself for his father not being around much. His grandfather served as a surrogate father for a few years, but then died an untimely death when Matt was just 10 years old. Because closeness in his childhood family relationships was not something he experienced, he longs for it in his marriage.<\/p>\n

Matt\u2019s wife, Sherry, grew up in a hard-working middle-class family. While they loved one another deeply, the demands of earning a living kept parents and children going in multiple directions. As a result, Sherry learned quickly how to remain emotionally and financially independent from loved ones. She prided herself on working her way through technical school after having a child in high school.<\/p>\n

A later marriage added another child, but the marriage didn\u2019t last. Sherry found herself divorced and the single parent of two. This series of fragmented romantic relationships fueled her emotional independence as a parent and woman.<\/p>\n

When Matt and Sherry met, they quickly became romantically and sexually involved. Matt was enthralled with the amount of attention he received from Sherry. She seemed to be a dedicated mom, but went out of her way to make time for him.<\/p>\n

Sherry saw in Matt the kind of stability she wanted her children to experience so she pursued him with passion. Her physical and sexual availability and his need for closeness quickly fused their emotional connection, but substance was lacking. They were fooled into thinking sexual passion equaled a healthy future.<\/p>\n

After a rushed courtship and wedding, things changed considerably. Sherry didn\u2019t feel the need to pursue Matt as much as she did before and he felt it. The significant drop in time together produced a great deal of anxiety in Matt. He complained to a friend, \u201cNow that we\u2019re married, Sherry is much more worried about being a mom than she is a wife. I feel like I\u2019ve lost her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Neither Matt nor Sherry carries all the blame for their increasing distance. Yet each is responsible to fight through the thorns and stay close.
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Find more like this in our online course just for blended marriages!<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div><\/p>\n

The doing and feeling of closeness<\/h2>\n

In general, close couples:<\/p>\n