{"id":98450,"date":"2020-05-06T12:02:53","date_gmt":"2020-05-06T18:02:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=98450"},"modified":"2020-05-06T12:02:53","modified_gmt":"2020-05-06T18:02:53","slug":"when-your-spouse-has-a-different-stress-response","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/marriage-challenges\/understanding-differences\/when-your-spouse-has-a-different-stress-response\/","title":{"rendered":"When Your Spouse Has a Different Stress Response"},"content":{"rendered":"
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It stands to reason that, as a married couple, you each have a different stress response.<\/p>\n

For example, you might call me a \u201cjumper.\u201d And I can\u2019t help it, people. If someone sneaks up on me (see also: ornery husband), the sneak-er can expect a visible and audible reaction. Something articulate, like \u201cGaaaaaah!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

In light of this, I invite you to envision one peaceful summer afternoon, my husband and I sitting at a stoplight, windows rolled down. Picture, also, the important detail of a large, diesel flatbed truck outside said window.<\/p>\n

Truck backfires. Wife nearly launches through windshield, her own scream a trusty sidekick. Husband says absolutely nothing. Light turns green.<\/p>\n

Husband, calmly: \u201cThat scared the tar out of me.\u201d<\/p>\n

I wish I could tell you this is an anomaly, that I am calm and collected in the face of stress\u2014like an action movie heroine, cheek kissed by a light smudge of ash from a recent explosion. Yet I more often resemble the animated version of Chicken Little.<\/p>\n

But like my husband\u2019s calmness, there are positives to many of the (actual) ways I handle relationship stress, falling skies excluded.<\/p>\n

When your stress response looks nothing like your spouse\u2019s<\/h2>\n

You and your spouse, too, are likely different in your stress responses.<\/p>\n

Your stressed self (or your spouse) might be strained or laissez-faire. Lacking resilience or powering through. Curt … or extremely verbal. Dominant or passive. Motivated or indulgent.<\/p>\n

When it comes to COVID-19, the whole world is operating out of the stressed version of itself. You\u2019re both homebound with kids<\/a> sparring in the next room, perhaps one of your jobs hanging on by dental floss, and the whole house is suddenly sprouting dirty cups left out by \u201cNot Me.\u201d<\/p>\n

How can you leverage relationship stress to draw you together as a team?<\/p>\n

1. Know thy stress response (and thy spouse\u2019s).<\/h2>\n

Remember how the Bible mentions \u201ca brother is born for adversity\u201d (Proverbs 17:17)? Marriages with depth and layers of fierce love are those who\u2019ve encountered the tough stuff together.<\/p>\n

Your spouse is your chosen partner in the foxhole. Yes, they\u2019re far from perfect; he or she may occasionally want to dissolve in a pint of H\u00e4agen-Dazs, or perceive your family is better run as a regiment.<\/p>\n

But this partner is yours. And your individual stress response can either clash with your spouse\u2019s or strengthen it.<\/p>\n

Ask each other questions about your go-to patterns in relationship stress\u2014sift out what works and what doesn\u2019t.<\/strong><\/p>\n