{"id":97564,"date":"2020-04-06T12:58:58","date_gmt":"2020-04-06T18:58:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=97564"},"modified":"2020-04-06T12:58:58","modified_gmt":"2020-04-06T18:58:58","slug":"sick-and-tired-dont-take-it-out-on-your-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/marriage-challenges\/hardship-and-suffering\/sick-and-tired-dont-take-it-out-on-your-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"Sick and Tired? Don\u2019t Take It Out on Your Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

We were sick and tired (figuratively and literally).<\/p>\n

Being flu-ridden and homebound mere months after our wedding made me question whether our marriage would make it after all. We glared at each other over the hems of our tissue-strewn blankets and said little after accusations over who drank the remaining orange juice and chose the last movie.<\/p>\n

You really don\u2019t know someone until you\u2019ve seen them at their worst\u2014at that point in our relationship, this was ours.<\/p>\n

When we said \u201cI do\u201d in sickness and in health, it seemed we both assumed one spouse would be sick and the other healthy. Perhaps an amendment should be made to the traditional vows: Do you take this man in simultaneous sickness \u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

Neither of us could care for ourselves, let alone each other. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, being together in sickness sucks the fondness right out.<\/p>\n

So instead of sympathy and love, our words were filled with contempt, and later \u2026 regret.<\/p>\n

When you\u2019re sick and tired together<\/h2>\n

When I\u2019m not feeling well, I tend to fall toward the emotional side of things. Issues I would normally let slide (i.e., someone chugging the last of my OJ), become a cause for tears, sharp words, and arguments. Can you relate?<\/p>\n

But let me remind you (and me) of what you already know\u2014sickness is no time to battle it out. When you don\u2019t feel well, your emotions run high and anger triumphs over common sense.<\/p>\n

And it\u2019s not just in physical sickness. Lately, a certain virus outbreak has my husband and I spending more time than usual in close quarters.<\/a> Add the stress of us both working full-time jobs, homeschooling kids who don\u2019t want to be homeschooled (back at ya, kid), and a hefty amount of unease and worry, and that early marriage flu experience looks like an amateur.<\/p>\n

Mental and emotional stress is a sickness of its own.<\/p>\n

So, if one or both of you is under the weather (physically or otherwise), let me offer a few tips from my failure.<\/p>\n

1. Rest.<\/h2>\n

A lot. Sickness makes me tired. Being tired makes me cranky. Any questions?<\/p>\n

Sometimes I have to let other things go to make room for rest. Personally, I have strong issues with clutter. For example, I\u2019m constantly picking up after my kids and throwing their stuff in baskets I have dedicated to each child. (Then said child, with much sighing and grumbling, takes said basket to be put away.)<\/p>\n

But when I\u2019m not feeling well, things tend to look different. Stacks of mail pile up. Baskets don\u2019t get filled.<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s OK. Rest is more important than no clutter.<\/p>\n

2. Count to 10 before responding.<\/h2>\n

When I\u2019m sick and tired, my temper tends to revert to 12-year-old me: quick temper, quicker tongue<\/em>. But as an adult, my words can cause more damage than a sassy preteen\u2019s.<\/p>\n

So, I try to take a deep breath and count to 10 (or five\u2014whatever I can muster) before responding. Illness does not justify me speaking harshly to my family. Take it from me, calm those nerves first so you don\u2019t lash out.<\/p>\n

Receive more encouraging content like this delivered to your inbox!<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

3. Take a break.<\/h2>\n

I\u2019m an introvert. I need space and quiet to recharge and be a good human again. And when I don\u2019t feel well, I\u2019m a super-introvert (without the cool cape and power to fly). I just want everyone to leave me alone. And if I\u2019m not careful, this leads to the mom of the house (me) acting more like a child.<\/p>\n

Right now, with all four of us cooped up together, every member of my family needs this\u2014introvert or not. Not only do we take breaks, we give each other breaks. Space and quiet to take a nap if needed. Or read a book in the tub, bedroom, outside, wherever. Time to veg out in the way that helps each of us recharge.<\/p>\n

4. Say \u201cthank you.\u201d<\/h2>\n

Last night, after I had a stressful day of working from home and pretending I can do this homeschool mom thing at the same time, my husband took over dinner duty.<\/p>\n

Y\u2019all, it was 100% my love language.<\/p>\n

I thanked him profusely. I maybe made it a little awkward even. But with that off my to-do list, I felt a little less stressed. And as he chopped and pan-fried, we chatted about our days.<\/p>\n

Often when my husband does something for me, I (wrongly) think, But shouldn\u2019t he be doing that anyway? Why do I have to thank him?<\/em><\/p>\n

My husband\u2019s love language is words of affirmation. When I show my appreciation, it expresses my love in a way he naturally understands. Even if your spouse does something minor, like pick up an extra can of coffee on the way home, make sure to say, \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

5. Help where you can.<\/h2>\n

On the occasions my hubby and I are sick and tired at the same time, there are still small ways I can help. Like, grab an extra juice when I head to the fridge for my own. Or give him the remote and don\u2019t complain about watching Die Hard<\/em>. Again.<\/p>\n

Being sick and tired stinks\u2014figuratively and literally. But showing love and patience with those around me makes it a little easier.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the trying times that show what we\u2019re made of. No, not viruses, but fruit\u2014love, joy, peace, patience,\u00a0kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,\u00a0and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23<\/a>).<\/p>\n

\u201cIf we live by the Spirit,\u00a0let us also walk by the Spirit.\u00a0Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another\u201d (verses 25-26).<\/p>\n

Even when we\u2019re sick. Cough, cough.<\/p>\n

Oh, and don\u2019t argue about orange juice. It\u2019s not worth it.<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2020 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n

Lisa Lakey is a writer and editor for FamilyLife. Before joining the ministry in 2017, she was a freelance writer covering parenting and Southern culture. She and her husband, Josh, have been married since 2004. Lisa and Josh live in Benton, Arkansas, with their two children, Ella and Max.<\/p>\n

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