{"id":9652,"date":"2012-03-23T10:06:00","date_gmt":"2012-03-23T15:06:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9652"},"modified":"2012-03-23T10:06:00","modified_gmt":"2012-03-23T15:06:00","slug":"what-can-i-do-if-my-teen-is-using-drugs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/life-issues\/challenges\/addiction\/what-can-i-do-if-my-teen-is-using-drugs\/","title":{"rendered":"What Can I Do if My Teen Is Using Drugs?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\" fetchpriority=\"high\"><\/div><p>You can be the best parent in the world and there is still no guarantee that your teenager won\u2019t experiment with drugs, be tempted to smoke tobacco, abuse prescription medication, or go on a drinking binge with friends.<\/p>\n<p>It is difficult for parents when they discover that their child is using drugs.\u00a0Before jumping headfirst into addressing your concern with your teen, though, there are a few simple things you can do to prepare for the conversation that will need to take place.\u00a0The key is to <em>think before acting<\/em>.\u00a0You\u2019ll save yourself woe if you do.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Prepare yourself.<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0Get yourself in hand before trying to deal with the problem you\u2019ve uncovered in your teen.\u00a0This has several aspects.<\/p>\n<p>First, don\u2019t panic and don\u2019t overreact.\u00a0The worst thing you can do right now is get angry at your child and lose control.\u00a0You need to be as calm as you can be and try to understand why your child is taking drugs and how much of a problem it is.<\/p>\n<p>Also, don\u2019t blame yourself.\u00a0It is normal to feel that you have failed your child or begin telling yourself that you have been a lousy parent.\u00a0But this is not a healthy time to focus your energy and emotions in a destructive way on your parenting.<\/p>\n<p>And then, I advise that before you talk to your teen, you talk to others about a possible course of action.\u00a0If you know of other parents who have shared a similar experience, learn from them.\u00a0Certainly, don\u2019t be afraid of seeking professional help.\u00a0It\u2019s also important to know what substance your child is taking and its effects so that you can be prepared in an emergency.<\/p>\n<p>Finally, think about how the rest of the family is going to react.\u00a0It\u2019s not unusual to neglect the needs of other family members when so much energy is focused on the child using drugs.\u00a0Talk to the others honestly about what\u2019s happening.\u00a0Affirm them and reassure them, because they are going to need you more than ever, and you are going to need them.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Create the right environment for talking to your child.<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0Picking when, where, and how you will bring up the issue of drug or alcohol abuse with your teen is critical.\u00a0It can make the difference between a conversation that leads to a turnaround in your teen\u2019s life and one that makes matters worse.\u00a0Here is some helpful advice:<\/p>\n<ul style=\"padding: 5px 50px 20px 50px\">\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">Pick a place for the conversation where your child feels safe and comfortable.<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">Decide on a time that would be best for you to get your teen\u2019s attention and cooperation.<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">Seek to understand rather than jump down your child\u2019s throat.\u00a0Plan to ask open-ended questions like, \u201cIf you were me, how do you think you would feel about this?\u201d and \u201cHow can I help you?\u201d<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">Don\u2019t fall for the trap of labeling your child because she has made a mistake or fallen short of your expectations.\u00a0Saying \u201cYou\u2019re a failure \u2026 good-for-nothing\u201d will hurt rather than help.<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">Figure out how to give feedback and empathize with your child.\u00a0Whether your child admits it or not, he needs to hear that you will not abandon him and that you love him.<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">Look for ways to stimulate change.\u00a0You will want to ask your teen about the changes he would like to make and how he would like you to help.\u00a0Remember, you\u2019re a coach!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><em>Develop a game plan.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>No football coach goes into a game without a game plan or a set of plays to counter the other team\u2019s strengths and weaknesses.\u00a0Similarly, it is important to try to anticipate how your child might respond.\u00a0If things don\u2019t go as you hope, what is your backup plan?<\/p>\n<p>Although your child might be responsive to your sitting down with her and wanting to help her, there is no guarantee of that.\u00a0Your child could get angry, defensive, not want to talk, and even walk out without telling you where she is going.\u00a0However, by taking steps to prepare yourself first, creating the right environment to talk to your child, and having a game plan and backup plan, you are miles ahead of the parent who chooses not to deal with the situation.<\/p>\n<p>So, what does a game plan look like?<\/p>\n<p>Again, there is no particular science or order of events that will work every time.\u00a0However, here are some things that are more helpful than others, and the list below provides you with some things to consider as you prepare a discussion with your teen about drugs or drinking.<\/p>\n<ul style=\"padding: 5px 50px 20px 50px\">\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">Assess the situation.\u00a0Understand why your child is using drugs or alcohol.<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">Consider what boundaries might need to be put in place to protect and support the family.<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">Ask a mentor, coach, teacher, or counselor whom your teen respects to talk to your child.<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">Know what professional help is available to you and your child in your local area.<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">Consider treatment options if your child has been using drugs for a substantial period of time.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>One important thing to remember here is that until your teen has taken full responsibility for his actions, you must look at every day as an opportunity for intervention, no matter how small.<\/p>\n<p>Whatever specific challenge may come up in your family related to drugs or drinking, you have to be prepared.\u00a0You have to be practical.\u00a0You have to act.\u00a0Have faith in yourself\u2014you can do it.<\/p>\n<h2>Never too late<\/h2>\n<p>But I\u2019m worried about something:\u00a0Maybe I\u2019ve depressed you.\u00a0Maybe you know you have neglected to talk to your child for too long.\u00a0Maybe your relationship with him has deteriorated to the point where you\u2019re not sure he\u2019ll listen to you if you try.<\/p>\n<p>Is it too late for you to do any good?<\/p>\n<p>I can still vividly recall a late-night conversation I had with Terry, a 54-year-old man who was lamenting the fact that he had made a mess of parenting his two sons and one daughter.\u00a0All three had grown up, left home, and moved into different careers, but still the father blamed himself for having neglected them for much of their childhood as he traveled on business.<\/p>\n<p>With tears welling up in his eyes, Terry whispered, \u201cI failed them.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I shared with him that, while he could not change the past, it wasn\u2019t too late for him to repair his relationship with his kids and make things better for the future.\u00a0He didn\u2019t believe me at first, but he said he would try.<\/p>\n<p>Months later I talked to Terry again.\u00a0This time he told me how he had sought and received the forgiveness of his children.\u00a0He said he now was relishing his relationships with his children and loving being a grandfather.<\/p>\n<p>I share this story in case you are questioning if it is too late for you.\u00a0Your children are probably not grown up and out of the house, as were Terry\u2019s.\u00a0But they may be getting older and perhaps are growing emotionally distant from you.\u00a0You might have said the wrong thing, or said the right thing at the wrong time, only to see your child run in the opposite direction.<\/p>\n<p>If this is your situation, I know that you may be feeling guilt, shame, or regret.\u00a0You may be angry with yourself for not doing better and blaming yourself each time your children make a poor decision\u2014about drugs and alcohol or anything else.\u00a0You may be feeling helpless and resigned to your children slipping away from your influence and judgment.<\/p>\n<p>Please do not lose hope.\u00a0And <em>never give up!<\/em>\u00a0It is never too late to be a positive influence in the life of your child.<\/p>\n<p>As parents, we naturally wish we could go back in time and erase those occasions in our children\u2019s lives when they have been hurt, including experiencing the consequences of a poor decision.\u00a0Of course we can\u2019t do that.\u00a0But although it might be too late to prevent your child from getting hurt from a bad decision, that doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t be an effective parent from this moment forward.<\/p>\n<p>You can be like Terry and start over, regardless of where you relationship with your children is at.\u00a0You can start being a positive influence in their lives in regard to drugs and alcohol and other choices.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><i>Adapted excerpt from<\/i>\u00a0Talking Smack\u00a0<i>by Glenn Williams, \u00a9 2010. 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