{"id":96316,"date":"2020-03-03T12:57:36","date_gmt":"2020-03-03T19:57:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=96316"},"modified":"2020-03-03T12:57:36","modified_gmt":"2020-03-03T19:57:36","slug":"4-habits-for-more-joy-in-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/commitment\/4-habits-for-more-joy-in-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Habits for More Joy in Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

John Ortberg says, \u201cJoy is God\u2019s basic character. Joy is His eternal destiny. God is the happiest being in the universe.\u201d Joy, happiness, laughter … those are part of the character of God. How can we bring that joy in marriage?<\/p>\n

Nehemiah said to his people, \u201cThe joy of the LORD is your strength\u201d (8:10, NIV). The Israelites were in immense tragedy and trial when Nehemiah said this. When you\u2019re in the middle of a valley\u2014and some of you are there right now\u2014you need to know the strength you need actually comes from the joy-center of God.<\/p>\n

Joy in marriage can shift a household. I (Ann) feel like in our culture, there\u2019s a storm outside our homes. When our families walk in the door, we have the power to create an atmosphere of joy, love, and the fruit of the Holy Spirit.<\/p>\n

The question is: Where do you find joy? In Philippians 4:4 (NIV), Paul said, \u201cRejoice in the LORD always. I will say it again: Rejoice!\u201d He\u2019s being very specific here. If you want joy, you find it in the Lord.<\/p>\n

We all want joy in marriage<\/h2>\n

Most often, we look for happiness in the person we married. We think that after we get married, we\u2019re always going to be happy. It doesn\u2019t work that way.<\/p>\n

Authors Marcus Warner and Chris Coursey wrote in their book, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages<\/em>, \u201cOne of the key discoveries of brain science is that Freud was wrong. He taught that the fear of death and desire for sex were the most powerful motivators in the world. However, the discovery of the brain magnet has shown that attachment\u2014specifically, joyful attachment\u2014is the most powerful motivator in life.\u201d<\/p>\n

There are habits you can develop that bring more joy in marriage. From their book, we are going to give you the four joy habits they talk about\u2014with the Wilson spin.<\/p>\n

You need a P-L-A-N <\/strong>for more joy in marriage.<\/p>\n

1. Play together.<\/h3>\n

I (Dave) am married to a woman who loves to play. Even in tough times, she brings a sense of joy from the Lord.<\/p>\n

One time as I was standing in the kitchen, I saw our 16-year-old\u2019s newly-purchased, used car begin rolling down the driveway\u2014with nobody in it! So I ran out the door, but before I got to the car, it had rolled into a tree damaging the front bumper. I had one thought: That\u2019s costing money. And I got mad.<\/p>\n

Ann came out and was hysterically laughing. Then the boys came out, and I saw them physically moving away from me and closer to her as they also began laughing. Why? Because laughter\u2019s a magnet.<\/p>\n

People like to be where there\u2019s laughter because there is joy in Christ. In this moment, there shouldn\u2019t have been that much joy, but at some point, that laughter sifted back to me, because you know what? It\u2019s a bumper. It can get fixed.<\/p>\n

2. Listen for emotion.<\/h3>\n

As your wife is speaking, don\u2019t listen to just the words. What is she saying? What\u2019s the emotion behind her words?<\/p>\n

I (Dave) had just preached all day Sunday, three services, and was exhausted when I came home. As I lay down in bed that night, Ann said, \u201cI just wish the man who led Kensington Church lived in this house, as well.\u201d<\/p>\n

What I heard was: I don\u2019t lead at home; I don\u2019t pray at home like I do on stage … and I got really mad.<\/p>\n

The next day, I went into my office, got on my knees, and asked God, \u201cWere you speaking to me last night through Ann?\u201d It was then I realized what she was saying: I don\u2019t feel loved. Or seen. I don\u2019t feel led. I don\u2019t feel like you\u2019re my spiritual leader.<\/p>\n

It was all the things my congregation feels about me publicly that she wasn\u2019t feeling about me privately. And here\u2019s what I know: It\u2019s more important that I lead her and my family than a congregation with thousands of people\u2014and I was missing it.<\/p>\n

Connect with your spouse on a soul-level. More Info.<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

3. Appreciate your spouse daily.<\/h3>\n

Proverbs 18:21 says the power of life and death is in our words. We need to speak life to one another.<\/p>\n

A consistent prayer for me (Ann) has been, \u201cGod, show me the greatness in my husband and help me to speak that out loud to him.\u201d Because Satan is always saying, \u201cLook at the weaknesses.\u201d And I spoke death for years.<\/p>\n

(Dave) She speaks life every day<\/a>. She says stuff I don\u2019t even think is true: You\u2019re an amazing man, and I\u2019m like\u2014no, I\u2019m not. But when she starts to say it, I start to believe it. And that brings joy.<\/p>\n

4. Nurture rest.<\/h3>\n

We run so fast and life gets out of control. The Sabbath is one of the Ten Commandments from God because He knew we needed it. Stop and refresh. Look each other in the eyes and ask, “How are you doing?”<\/p>\n

What if you took some time every day to pray together? Weekly, go on a date and just play. Make it fun! And then, retreat annually\u2014just once a year get away. Go to a Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/a>to get recharged.<\/p>\n

I (Ann) know some of you are thinking, we can\u2019t be joyful in marriage. You don\u2019t know what we\u2019re going through right now.<\/em> Within the last five weeks, we\u2019ve faced death and hard health diagnoses in our family. The pain is so great, but God is our hiding place.<\/p>\n

I told Him, \u201cGod, this is where I am. This is what I\u2019m feeling. I don\u2019t feel joy.\u201d And He answered with life-giving words, showing me the truth of who I am. He has us in the palms of His hands, and we can rest there.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re going through something really hard right now, it\u2019s a season. It\u2019s not your story. There\u2019s a God walking with you through that season, and God gives joy\u2014even in pain. Nehemiah reminds us, \u201cThe joy of the Lord is your strength.\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s times when you think, I can\u2019t have any joy unless life is somewhat stable<\/em>. But you can. It comes from a deep contentment because the Lord is in control, and He gives strength in that moment. The circumstances of the world do not always produce happiness. But Jesus said, \u201cBe of good cheer, I have overcome the world\u201d (John 16:33). So what is good cheer?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s joy.<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2020 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved. Adapted from Dave and Ann’s talk on Love Like You Mean it\u00ae Cruise 2020. <\/em><\/p>\n

Dave Wilson and his wife Ann are hosts of FamilyLife Today\u00ae, FamilyLife\u2019s nationally-syndicated radio program. <\/em>Lead pastor, Hall of Fame college quarterback, and nationally-touring speaker, he wears a lot of hats, but it\u2019s his singular passion for enriching lives through spreading the Word and wisdom of God that truly defines Dave.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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