{"id":96082,"date":"2020-03-02T08:21:13","date_gmt":"2020-03-02T15:21:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=96082"},"modified":"2020-03-02T08:21:13","modified_gmt":"2020-03-02T15:21:13","slug":"should-we-tell-our-kids-about-our-past","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/should-we-tell-our-kids-about-our-past\/","title":{"rendered":"Should We Tell Our Kids About Our Past?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Every single one of us has made mistakes. We have things in our past we are less than proud of. But should we tell our kids about our past?<\/p>\n

One weekend at church, a husband and wife shared a vulnerable story of how the husband cheated on his wife for years. When the wife found out the devastating news, she felt called by God to stay in the marriage and pray for her husband\u2019s repentance.<\/p>\n

She prayed for years, with no restoration in sight.<\/p>\n

That’s when their daughters, also heartbroken because of their father\u2019s actions, began praying. This family needed God to create purity inside of a marriage that seemed broken beyond repair.<\/p>\n

This family was in the audience to tell their story. Thankfully, this meant the husband realized what he was doing was wrong and repented from his actions with a desire to be restored to his family.<\/p>\n

I realize not every story of adultery ends like this. I remember the painful decision my stepfather made to leave our family when I was in eighth grade. While not every story ends on a happy note, our communities are full of imperfect people making devastatingly painful mistakes but choosing to not be defined by them.<\/p>\n

What we can tell our kids about our past<\/h2>\n

Mistakes and pain can label us, but our children need to hear ways we are overcoming.<\/a> Labels can limit us and keep us chained to our past. Labels can make it hard to live optimistic lives full of hope.<\/p>\n

But our children will never tire of hearing how we have been made new.<\/p>\n

One of the definitions for new is \u201cnot found exactly like we were before.\u201d The mistakes of our past can make us into new people, not being defined by our sin or the sin that\u2019s been done to us.<\/p>\n

Following this family\u2019s testimony, I shared a bit of my own story. How I went from being angry towards my stepfather for leaving, to seeing where his absence may have served for my protection.<\/p>\n

We all have a before and after story\u2014a newness that shows we are different. What about you? Do your past failures and losses still define you?<\/p>\n

After sharing my story, the husband said, \u201cToday my name changed from \u2018Adulterer\u2019 to \u2018Faithful Husband.\u2019\u201d Even though this husband and father had lived in repentance for years, he struggled to see himself as forgiven and new. He had a hard time forgiving himself for his years of unfaithfulness to his wife and daughters.<\/p>\n

Even sharing his testimony at church was a painful reminder of his sin and past labels. But on this day, something new happened. He knew his name was no longer \u201cUnfaithful,\u201d \u201cAbsent,\u201d \u201cSelfish,\u201d or \u201cFailure.\u201d The name he heard for himself was \u201cFaithful Husband,\u201d and his outlook changed.<\/p>\n

Receive more encouraging content like this delivered to your inbox!<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

We’re being made new<\/h2>\n

Our children need to hear how our decisions for health and wholeness make us into new people. Maybe we have been absent, choosing more time at the office than at home with them. Perhaps we have spent more time on our phones and answering emails than we have spent looking them in their eyes. Maybe your story is similar to this father who has chosen another family over your own.<\/p>\n

Whatever your wrong decisions were, you do not need to be defined by them any longer. It is never too late to be remade. You are never too old to live a new way.<\/p>\n

We need to tell our kids about our past. Because our children want to see present-day examples of us becoming better people than we were the day before. This models to them that while they make mistakes, they do not need to be defined by theirs either.<\/p>\n

Saying sorry and receiving forgiveness<\/h2>\n

We can set an example in how to offer an apology, being the first to admit when we are wrong. But saying sorry is only the first step. Leaving labels behind and living new is the second.<\/p>\n

This man received forgiveness from his family, but he began to forgive himself when he left the label \u201cAdulterer\u201d behind and took on a new name, \u201cFaithful Husband.\u201d I could see nobody was happier to hear of this newness than his wife and daughters. When we tell our kids about our past, our children can become our biggest cheerleaders. Even when we have previously let them down.<\/p>\n

Learning new habits<\/h2>\n

When we live out of our old labels, we can stay stuck. But the victim can become victorious. We can all learn new habits. Marriages can be restored and families can be reconciled. Are we willing to leave old labels behind, and choose a new way for our children to see us?<\/p>\n

No matter the painful choices we\u2019ve made and no matter what\u2019s been done to you, it\u2019s never too late to live new. We all need a fresh start. Leave old labels behind and no longer be defined by the mistakes of your past. Choose a new path for generations behind you to follow in.<\/p>\n

Your children will thank you for it. <\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2020 by Esther Fleece Allen. Used with permission.<\/em><\/p>\n

CNN has called Esther Fleece Allen one of \u201cFive Women to Watch in Religion,\u201d\u00a0<\/em>USA Today\u00a0has named her one of the \u201cNew Faces of Evangelicalism\u201d and\u00a0<\/em>Christianity Today\u00a0has called her \u201cone of the 50 women shaping the church and culture.\u201d Esther is a graduate of the Oxford Center of Christian Apologetics and is currently in seminary. Her favorite new names are \u201cwife\u201d and \u201cmama.\u201d For more information visit\u00a0www.\u200bEstherFleeceAllen.\u200bcom<\/a><\/em>.<\/p>\n

Follow her on \u00a0Instagram<\/a>,\u00a0Twitter<\/a>, and\u00a0Facebook<\/a>. And check out her book\u00a0<\/em>Your New Name<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mistakes and pain can label us. But if we tell our kids about our past we show them ways we are overcoming. Our kids need to know that too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14950,"featured_media":96331,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"Mistakes and pain can label us. But if we tell our kids about our past we show them ways we are overcoming. Our kids need to know that too.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2095],"tags":[],"equip-category":[],"cwp_profile":[3582],"class_list":["post-96082","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","cwp_profile-esther-fleece-allen"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2020\/02\/Should-We-Tell-Our-Kids-About-Our-Past_1040x326.jpg","spectra_custom_meta":{"_oembed_6df5bb7f91f3fc5f444a8f18d577f6c9":["

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