{"id":9568,"date":"2015-01-22T13:17:00","date_gmt":"2015-01-22T19:17:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9568"},"modified":"2015-01-22T13:17:00","modified_gmt":"2015-01-22T19:17:00","slug":"is-fifty-shades-of-grey-dangerous","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/life-issues\/challenges\/media-and-entertainment\/is-fifty-shades-of-grey-dangerous\/","title":{"rendered":"Is ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Dangerous?"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>
Editor\u2019s note:\u00a0 In their book, <\/em>Pulling Back the Shades, Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery provide solid biblical counsel on how to view the <\/em>Fifty Shades of Grey craze.\u00a0 In this adapted excerpt from the book, Juli (who read the books) and Dannah (who did not) discuss how erotica can deceive us and harm our relationships.<\/em><\/div>\n

Juli:<\/strong>\u00a0 Having read the Fifty Shades trilogy, I will say with great confidence that these books are not merely fiction\u2014a story that could<\/em> be true but is not\u2014but are actually fantasy<\/em>\u2014something that could not possibly be true.\u00a0 Erotica like Fifty Shades is fantasy because it subtly asks you to assume a different reality.\u00a0 It can be entertaining to enter a fantasy and imagine a visit to a realm that can\u2019t possibly be true (The Lord of the Rings series comes to mind).\u00a0 So, when does fantasy present dangerous deception?\u00a0 Should we avoid all books and movies that are not grounded solidly in reality?<\/p>\n

Here are two questions that will help you decide for yourself whether or not fantasy, or any other form of fiction, presents a dangerous deception: What laws are changed?\u00a0 What does it inspire?<\/p>\n

What laws are changed?<\/h2>\n

One of the most widely known fantasy stories starts out like this:\u00a0 \u201cA long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away\u2026\u201d\u00a0 From the outset, the author of Star Wars<\/em> is asking you to step away from what you know to be true and imagine with him a different galaxy, a different time, with different assumptions.\u00a0 The story is filled with creatures like Wookiees and talking robots, time warps and space travel.\u00a0 We accept these illogical elements because we know they are part of fantasy.<\/p>\n

Erotica also lures you into a different reality but doesn\u2019t let you know that you are entering a world \u201cfar, far away.\u201d\u00a0 Within the context of \u201cnormal life,\u201d erotica introduces romantic stories that are not possible.\u00a0 But what makes erotica unrealistic is far more subtle and yet more dangerous.\u00a0 Instead of manipulating laws of physics and science, erotica authors like EL James change moral and relational laws.<\/em>\u00a0 Right and wrong get morphed into a morally grey universe that becomes impossible to untwist.\u00a0 While reading Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em>, I emailed a friend, stating, \u201cI can no longer find true north!\u201d\u00a0 I got sucked into the fantasy.<\/p>\n

Just as there are scientific laws in our universe\u2014such as gravity\u2014there are also principles that govern our emotions, relationships, and spiritual health.\u00a0 You have freedom to choose if you will abide by them, but you can never be free from the consequences of your actions.<\/p>\n

Erotica twists and distorts the results of making immoral and foolish choices.\u00a0 In the real world, our actions have consequences, sometimes very grave consequences.\u00a0 The authors of erotica simply ignore or erase those consequences and create a magical \u201chappy ending.\u201d\u00a0 Solomon warns against falling into this delusional thinking.\u00a0 After talking about the dangers of sexual immorality, he writes, \u201cCan a man (or woman) scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?\u00a0 Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?\u201d (Proverbs 6:27-28).<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a reality check: You cannot pursue the kinds of relationships you read about in erotica without an outcome very different from the ones in the books.\u00a0 If you read Fifty Shades and then invest in a relationship that is built around sexual sadism, you will not <\/em>end up in a loving, caring, committed marriage.<\/p>\n

This is what happened to a young missionary and Christian leader:<\/p>\n

I am single and erotica has ruined my life.\u00a0 I have been addicted for ten years and I am only twenty-five.\u00a0 No one knows my struggle.\u00a0 No one knows that I have lived an isolated life because I have found more solace in fantasies aroused in my mind by erotica than in real relationships.<\/em><\/p>\n

Erotica seems harmless because it\u2019s just words on a page but it brands your mind, creates false expectations for future relationships.\u00a0 I can\u2019t even maintain real relationships because I feel like a shallow pretender hiding one of the biggest parts of my life.<\/em><\/p>\n

Erotica perpetuated my \u201cneed\u201d for meeting people online because I didn\u2019t know how to develop or maintain relationships with people outside of the screen.\u00a0 Eventually, I decided to take my online relationships into reality.\u00a0 Many of the stories I read portrayed rape or power-struggle situations as exciting.\u00a0 A no didn\u2019t always mean no because, in the end, the girl always seemed to end up just fine.\u00a0 So when I met one of my first guys online, I was thrust ever too quickly into a scenario I had read about but, unlike the stories, I didn\u2019t end up fine.\u00a0 My no didn\u2019t mean no, and I was sexually abused by a man who did the same things to me that I had read about in those erotic stories.\u00a0 But in my story, there wasn\u2019t a happy ending.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ever since then, I have carried the weight of shame and guilt from putting myself into that situation six years ago.\u00a0 Erotica makes it seem normal for us to be used and abused, but it\u2019s not normal.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Be careful little eyes what you read.\u00a0 You cannot change emotional, relational, and spiritual laws in real life, but erotica may lead you to believe that you can.<\/p>\n

What does it inspire?<\/h2>\n

Even though fantasy by definition takes us out of some aspect of reality, it can use imagination to point us to deeper truth.\u00a0 For example, C.S. Lewis\u2019s book series The Chronicles of Narnia takes great license in creating a fantasy in which a magical wardrobe transports children into the world of Narnia.\u00a0 There is a white witch, half human-half animal creatures, and a mighty lion who is so self-sacrificing that some have suggested he is a Christ-figure.\u00a0 While Lewis changes the laws of nature, he is drawing attention to deeper spiritual truths about the captivity we live in, Jesus\u2019 sacrifice to free us from sin, and God\u2019s final victory over evil.<\/p>\n

What is erotica intended to inspire?\u00a0 Rather than pointing to a deeper truth, erotica uses fantasy ultimately to promote deception\u2014to make you believe that you can have everything you\u2019ve ever longed for.\u00a0 Let\u2019s take a logical look at the absurdity of what is presented in the Fifty Shades of Grey series.<\/p>\n

By the end of the second book, Christian and Ana have known each other for six weeks.\u00a0 They are engaged and madly in love.\u00a0 Christian is a multibillionaire (he makes $100,000 an hour!) at the age of twenty-seven.\u00a0 This self-made man has all the time and money in the world to dote on his new love.<\/p>\n

Is it possible for a young man to be so wealthy?\u00a0 Sure.\u00a0 But let\u2019s add to the money the fact that Christian is incredibly fit and handsome and always knows exactly what to say and do to win Ana\u2019s heart.\u00a0 He is controlling, but apparently not smothering.\u00a0 He is angry and aggressive, but somehow not abusive.\u00a0 Both how he behaves and how she reacts to his behavior are pure fantasy\u2014of the most deceptive kind.<\/p>\n

And the sex \u2026 let\u2019s just say it reaches the outer-limit of fantasy.<\/p>\n

Dannah:<\/strong>\u00a0 The fantasy of erotica inspires one thing\u2014the longing for more.\u00a0 Instead of satisfying your longings, it will awaken, manipulate, and deepen them.\u00a0 No longer will you be satisfied with an attentive boyfriend or husband who occasionally brings you a soy latte to cheer you up \u2026 you will want a man who is obsessively, unrealistically in love with you and has the bank account to prove it.\u00a0 Normal sex in your marriage\u2014the kind that requires communication, sometimes involves frustration, and doesn\u2019t always end in rapturous orgasm\u2014will now be disappointing.\u00a0 A hardworking man who is faithfully scraping by will never be able to provide for you the way a man in your fantasy can.<\/p>\n

And it\u2019s not always the harder erotica fantasies like Fifty Shades that create the deception.\u00a0 We know of a single woman who has feasted so obsessively on Christian romance novels that no man can live up to her expectations.\u00a0 She remains addicted to the fiction and is unable to experience authentic relationships in her real world.\u00a0 The end result of living in fantasy is disillusionment, dissatisfaction, and ungratefulness in reality.\u00a0 If you desperately desire to have a fulfilling love life, to be alive and satisfied, erotica will not get you there.\u00a0 You will never reach contentment reading something that is intended to make you long for more!<\/p>\n

You may be thinking, \u201cI can tell the difference between truth and fiction. I\u2019m not the type of woman to get pulled in.\u201d\u00a0 We talk to many women who cannot see their own deception even as they were buried in the emotional, relational, and spiritual consequences of the lies that have destroyed them.\u00a0 That\u2019s the hard part: by their very nature, lies are deceptive, not easily detected.\u00a0 The thought that you are not vulnerable to deception is evidence that you are.\u00a0 Paul has a warning for that kind of thinking: \u201cIf you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don\u2019t fall!\u201d (1 Corinthians 10:12).<\/p>\n

\n

Adapted by permission from <\/i>Pulling Back the Shades, copyright \u00a9 2014 by Dannah Gresh and Juli Slattery.\u00a0 Published by Moody Publishers.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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