{"id":9563,"date":"2012-03-23T11:56:00","date_gmt":"2012-03-23T16:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9563"},"modified":"2012-03-23T11:56:00","modified_gmt":"2012-03-23T16:56:00","slug":"five-ideas-to-keep-technology-from-replacing-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/life-issues\/challenges\/media-and-entertainment\/five-ideas-to-keep-technology-from-replacing-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Five Ideas to Keep Technology From Replacing Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Seoul, South Korea: \u201cAn internet-obsessed Korean couple allegedly allowed their infant daughter to starve to death while they cared for their virtual child, police said.\u201d [1]<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Say what<\/em>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The article further reported that the couple<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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fed their 3-month-old baby only on visits home between 12-hour sessions at a neighbourhood internet cafe, where they were raising an avatar daughter. \u2026 The pair became obsessed with nurturing their virtual daughter, called Anima, but neglected their real daughter. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2026 Eventually, the couple returned home after one 12-hour session in September to find the child dead and called police. The pair were arrested on Friday after an autopsy showed that the baby died from prolonged malnutrition. <\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

This left me, as it likely leaves you, horrified. Repulsed. Frightened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s an extreme example. But social media and other interactive technologies have revolutionized our manner of relating to one another. In many ways, technology stands in the place small towns and even family once held, and in many cases still do. It\u2019s the place of community. Rather than shooting the breeze with the person who shares our backyard fence or sitting on the front porch after dinner, we can be found updating our status, tweeting a fascinating blog post, or texting a friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Jesus Himself is a great reminder that though words are powerful, as the Word Himself He found it necessary to become flesh and dwell among us (John 1:14). He let humanity touch Him and experience Him (1 John 1:1-2), eat with Him and laugh with Him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Book of Hebrews, too, cautions believers against forsaking assembling together (10:25)\u2014and presumably was referencing more than a chat room, Skype, or a conference call. Technology can sometimes impede authentic, person-to-person intimacy. It mistakes isolation for connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How, <\/em>I’m repeatedly asking myself, can I master technology, rather than allow it to master me?<\/em> It\u2019s not unlike the dauntless population of vines cropping up in my garden: How can I keep technology\u2014a good thing\u2014from pushing into the wrong places in the wrong times \u2026 and stealing the nutrition of life I actually want to grow there?<\/p>\n\n\n

1. Avoid using technology in place of conversation or community.<\/h3>\n\n\n

Amazon.com greets me by name, offering personalized recommendations:  books I might enjoy, items of interest for my kids. At times Amazon knows more about me than my next-door neighbor. It\u2019s not unheard of, or unwelcome, to have technology fake a little relationship. In fact, I like it. It feels\u2014ironically\u2014personal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But how often do I, too, presume relationship because of the facts I know about a person\u2014say, from what I\u2019ve read on Insta?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are certainly times, too, when I\u2019d rather be e-mailing a friend or checking my Facebook news feed than having a conversation with one of my children in the room with me. Yet that doesn\u2019t mean I don\u2019t have an authentic relationship with the friend or<\/em> the child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So decide ahead of time: We will reconsider our lives if certain symptoms describe our relationships.<\/em> For example, you\u2019ll take measures to pull the plug if online sermons or articles replace the community, accountability, and corporate worship of church; or if face-to-face time is exchanged for texting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Create guidelines for your family prohibiting media (tablets, handheld video games, phones, headphones) at the table, in the car or carpool, in the checkout line, or in the middle of a conversation. The principle repeated in my house: When real people are around, we give them priority over virtual people. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a great opportunity to convey the crucial nature of loving people in face-to-face relationships\u2014giving face time (lowercase!) priority over a blinking, buzzing, blaring, or ringing electronic device. These occasions are simply fertile soil for everyday relationships that connect us, even in silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re still considering if and when to make that first cell phone purchase for your child<\/a>, consider whether the phone will truly connect him more to his friends and what nature of connection it will bring, as well as the effect on other face-to-face relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If so much of communication is non-verbal, what are we missing from words-only interactions? Consider a more personal form of contact whenever you and the other party have the time: phone rather than text, video-call rather than phone, real-life presence rather than video. Think microwave dinners versus gourmet meals: convenience doesn\u2019t equal quality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is especially true for potentially confrontational situations. Even accomplished writers can be misunderstood through text, which inherently lacks in tone of voice and other communicators. It doesn\u2019t convey the personal compassion of being eye-to-eye or even ear-to-ear on the telephone. Nearly all of us have experienced one of these needless and usually embarrassing misunderstandings. Talking face-to-face communicates respect and value\u2014another reason why Jesus\u2019 incarnation communicated worth to us.<\/p>\n\n\n

2. Regularly welcome a family media fast.<\/h3>\n\n\n

\u201cUnplugged Sundays\u201d or other family times (perhaps a day during family vacation?)\u2014like intermittent fasting\u2014 have a refreshing way of “resetting” us and leading us away from technology addiction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As my husband once challenged me: \u201cDo we really need to be that accessible?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many reasons we run to answer the phone or continue monitoring our devices may be, admittedly, less than loving. It\u2019s more often out of habit, a fear of \u201cfalling behind\u201d with the incessant stream of information, or even boredom with current situations or company. As we gradually let love increase as the rule over our media interaction, this may help us set up appropriate \u201cfences\u201d that prize relationships over convenience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I considered media fasts for my family, I found myself asking, Who am I allowing to disciple my heart\u2014and my children\u2019s hearts?<\/em> I\u2019ve had to reevaluate my kids\u2019 streaming and gaming choices, the sidebars that bombard them on internet sites. These voices, I realized, were growing in their influence on my family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my personal choices for myself, too, I had to admit that there were times I was being entertained by what disgusts God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consider who\u2014or what\u2014are the primary influences in your kids\u2019 lives. How are your efforts to \u201cbring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord\u201d (Ephesians 6:4) overpowered by the voices clamoring around yours \u2026 or around the Holy Spirit\u2019s? Will our kids hear the Holy Spirit when His gentle whisper hovers around their souls?<\/p>\n\n\n

3. Set limits on television and gaming.<\/h3>\n\n\n

My kids love gaming, and my husband finds it an interactive way for he and the kids to have fun together. We also love a good family movie night together, laughing together with the help of a good (okay, cheap) pizza.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But just like we curb our kids\u2019 junk food, at our house we curb their media intake as well. Consistently, studies conclude that children spending more than two hours a day on screens are more likely to have psychological problems, no matter their activity level.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But for me, it\u2019s a heart issue. I have to check my motives when my kids are using media, because I\u2019m tempted to abdicate my role as a parent. Is technology my new babysitter, an emotional pacifier, or my new teacher? Am I encouraging relationships, creativity, thinking for themselves, living in real life, and serving other people?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So in our house, we\u2019ve set up some limits. To some, these may seem more extreme. But I\u2019m not challenging you to use our guidelines but to prayerfully consider your own.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve found that concrete limits make it easier for us to know when to say yes or no, as well as easier for the kids. They help our kids to know what to expect, and eventually set limits of their own. We\u2019re setting up their perception of what\u2019s reasonable, their \u201cnorm.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n