{"id":93859,"date":"2020-01-10T16:32:10","date_gmt":"2020-01-10T23:32:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=93859"},"modified":"2020-01-10T16:32:10","modified_gmt":"2020-01-10T23:32:10","slug":"the-comeback-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/real-stories\/marriage-real-stories\/resurrected-marriages\/the-comeback-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"The Comeback Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Before bed one night, toothbrush in hand, Monica Nelson sparked up a conversation with her husband, Jay. She expressed her surprise at what the documentary they\u2019d seen that night had shown her. The Heart of Man<\/em> shared true testimonials of sexual brokenness and of God\u2019s restoration, revealing the unique circumstances\u2014like online chatrooms\u2014that led people astray. This particular danger of the internet had never occurred to her.<\/p>\n

But Jay\u2019s thoughts wandered from the movie as conviction settled upon him. He had to tell her, for the road from casual online acquaintance to sexual infidelity was his story too.<\/p>\n

He motioned her to join him on the bed. \u201cWe\u2019ve got to talk,\u201d he said. \u201cI have to tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n

The devastating news vomited from his mouth. Bluntly, he answered every question Monica asked. It occurred four years prior. They met over an online card game.<\/p>\n

He appeared remorseful, but having carried the sin for so long, he lacked the emotion she ached for. His script-like delivery caused her to fear he didn\u2019t grasp the magnitude of the situation.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was what I had to do to get it out,\u201d Jay said. Over the last four years he had repented of his sin to God, or at least he told himself he had. \u201cI turned away from the online card game and tried to get back in the game of being Monica\u2019s husband, a father, and a Christian man … But I knew I needed to confess to my wife.\u201d<\/p>\n

Devastation kicked in that night and Monica sought solace in a nearby park. Through bleary eyes she spotted a white pelican resting on the water adjacent to where she sat. In the midst of hurt and pain, she knew she wasn\u2019t alone. God was with her.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever is true \u2026\u201d<\/h2>\n

Witnessing Monica\u2019s raw emotions fully opened Jay\u2019s eyes to what he\u2019d done. He recalls terrible moments when he feared Monica would reach her threshold. Would she ask him to move out? What would happen if he did?<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, he heard radio divorce advocates discourage men from succumbing to their wife\u2019s demand to move out. \u201cIt\u2019s your house too. You have rights,\u201d they said. But Jay had a choice to make: Would he listen to the world\u2019s advice on how to move forward or to God\u2019s instruction? Jay was hopeful their marriage would make it. But he understood he was at the mercy of his wife.<\/p>\n

The weekend after the disclosure, Monica escaped to a friend\u2019s makeshift guest \u201cshed\u201d to meditate on Scripture. It proved to be the respite she needed. She was already chewing on a piece of truth a friend had offered her: Divorce was given for the hardness of their hearts (Matthew 19:8). She encouraged Monica, as a woman of God, to grapple with what Scripture has to say before adopting the biblical out.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo I did,\u201d Monica said, \u201cI took my Bible and the book It\u2019s Not Supposed to Be This Way<\/em> by Lysa TerKeurst. That book took me right where I needed to be in Scripture on every next turn.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yet her desire to transcribe each uncovered detail about the \u201cother woman\u201d consumed her. As she wrote them out on a piece of paper, God triggered in her heart what her mentor and friend, Jamie, had trained in her as a new Christian: \u201cWhatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely \u2026 think about these things\u201d (Philippians 4:8).<\/p>\n

So she deliberately folded the paper in half and wrote down all the ways she could see God\u2019s hand, from the movie conversation to Jay\u2019s admission. From Jamie\u2019s constant availability to the shed to stay in \u2026 His work was clear.<\/p>\n

\u201cBy Sunday I knew that my heart wasn\u2019t hard, and God wasn\u2019t calling us to divorce,\u201d Monica recalls. \u201cI didn\u2019t know what it meant to fight for my marriage, but I knew He\u2019d direct every step of the process.\u201d<\/p>\n

Receive more encouraging content like this delivered to your inbox!<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

They weren\u2019t the only ones<\/h2>\n

The Nelsons\u2019 marriage moved toward reconciliation slowly but surely.<\/p>\n

Incidentally, their mentors, Bryan and Jamie King, who are FamilyLife staff, hosted The Art of Marriage\u00ae<\/sup> video event<\/a> shortly after Jay\u2019s disclosure, drawing them into the practicalities of a God-honoring marriage.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe should have put them on a payroll,\u201d they laughed as they spoke of the Kings. \u201cWe leaned on them and called them so often.\u201d<\/p>\n

Having a couple to cry with, ask questions of, and pray with was a priceless ingredient to Monica and Jay\u2019s healing.<\/p>\n

It was by Bryan and Jamie\u2019s urging that the Nelsons eventually attended one of FamilyLife\u2019s Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways<\/a>. Having enjoyed The Art of Marriage, the idea of another weekend together appealed to them.<\/p>\n

As the event speakers, Tony and Lymari Navarro, revealed what the Lord had done in their marriage 20 years earlier, Jay and Monica could hardly believe it. The speakers might as well have been sharing the Nelsons\u2019 story, they were so identical. God used the speakers\u2019 story to breathe life back into the Nelsons\u2019 marriage.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe were fighting, not each other, but fighting the enemy for our marriage and trying to rebuild,\u201d Monica said. \u201cIn the Lord\u2019s strength, we did everything we needed to do, and seeing a couple who had done it spoke volumes to my heart. God helped them through it, and we are going to get through it. I can\u2019t believe God orchestrated this so beautifully in a time when I felt we really needed it. It was so encouraging.\u201d<\/p>\n

Moving in the right direction<\/h2>\n

In addition to encouragement, the Nelsons gleaned tangible help from the Weekend to Remember experience. Specifically, Jay is thankful for the tools he received for building up resistance against the enemy, the devil.<\/p>\n

\u201c[It\u2019s about] setting apart time to be intentional with communication and connecting with each other,\u201d he said. \u201cAnd not just about the schedule or bills or kids. It\u2019s so easy to get fatigued after a long day of work or with kids that the last thing you want to do is engage with someone in conversation. But we\u2019ve become more intentional to make it happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe started putting the kids to bed early on Tuesdays and Thursdays so we could have more time together,\u201d Monica said. \u201cYou\u2019re either moving toward oneness or away, there\u2019s no in between. We were in the rut of feeling \u2018we\u2019re okay,\u2019 but okay is not good enough. We need to be working toward good with each other and not grow complacent.\u201d<\/p>\n

Even now, Jay and Monica regularly reference their \u201ctool box\u201d of resources and their conference handbook as guides.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t miss the comeback<\/h2>\n

As The Heart of Man<\/em> documentary depicted, redemption stories always commence with the shock of revealed sin. Monica struggled with that shock when Jay first confessed his affair. Because she had seen God transform Jay early in their marriage, she wrestled with this passage:\u00a0\u201cTherefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation,\u201d (2 Corinthians 5:17).<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t understand how he could lie to me and trick me if he was a new creation,\u201d Monica confessed.<\/p>\n

So she searched God\u2019s Word. Within it, she clung to the story of Peter. Even as an intimate friend of Christ, he denied Him (John 18:25). But by God\u2019s grace, Peter made a comeback that shaped church history (see Acts 2). Galatians 5:17 reminded Monica the desires of the flesh and the Spirit engage in constant war, so even when Christians like Jay stumble, it doesn\u2019t change who they are in Christ.<\/p>\n

Jay and Monica\u2019s marriage may have fallen prey to an affair, but God used people like Bryan and Jamie, FamilyLife\u2019s Weekend to Remember<\/a>, and ultimately God\u2019s Word to resurrect their marriage.<\/p>\n

\u201cHang in there,\u201d Monica encourages other couples. \u201cBecause if you give up now, you\u2019re going to miss the comeback.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2019 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n

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