{"id":9349,"date":"2012-03-21T12:09:00","date_gmt":"2012-03-21T17:09:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9349"},"modified":"2012-03-21T12:09:00","modified_gmt":"2012-03-21T17:09:00","slug":"establishing-your-familys-own-christmas-traditions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/holidays\/featured-holidays\/christmas\/establishing-your-familys-own-christmas-traditions\/","title":{"rendered":"Establishing Your Family’s Own Christmas Traditions"},"content":{"rendered":"
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The thought expressed by the song “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” is as likely to give someone a knot in the stomach as a longing in the heart. The issue of how to handle family expectations for holiday gatherings probably came up early in your marriage, if not before. Where<\/em> and how<\/em> you celebrate may cause culture shock.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Barbara and I had to deal with this because both families have wonderful holiday traditions. We adopted a common solution; one year we celebrated Christmas with Barbara’s family, then went later to my folks. Next year, the schedule reversed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But during my first Christmas visit to Barbara’s family, I was shocked that they did not open presents in the “correct” way! To me, the orthodox approach was for one person at a time to open a gift. Everyone focused on the person receiving the present and smiled when the gift was opened; the recipient dutifully looked surprised and pleased, and then came the next person’s turn. At Barbara’s house, they distributed all the presents, and then chaos erupted. The race was on to see who could open presents first. I thought, This isn’t right!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We’ve all experienced the discomfort of being used to one custom and then having to adapt to another. However, the challenge of the Christmas holidays is mild until the first child comes along. Now your parents are grandparents, and the stakes jump dramatically. When our children arrived, we realized that we needed to establish our own holiday traditions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every family is truly unique. What we do will not apply in every situation, but we’ve learned some principles that can help you negotiate the challenge of managing holidays.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Honoring your parents<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

How can you possibly honor your parents’ wishes but establish your own family traditions? Jesus reminds us of the command found in Genesis 2:24, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Scripture also commands us to: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you” (Exodus 20:12). These two commands are not in competition with one another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can’t offer an ironclad set of rules on what honors or dishonors parents concerning holiday visits. Frankly, the Holy Spirit is much better qualified to help you because He knows your specific circumstances and relationships. Yet what could honor your parents more than building an enduring, love-filled, God-honoring marriage that creates a safe nest for the grandchildren<\/em>? Establishing holiday traditions in your family cements your marriage and family identity. What parent could oppose that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your response might be, Oh, yeah? You don’t know my mom, dad, in-laws, and stepparents<\/em>. Like anyone else, parents are sinful; they may want you at home for selfish reasons. Some parents are manipulative. Ultimately, honoring your parents doesn’t mean giving in to immature attitudes. You need to do what is right, long-term, for your marriage and family. And there is a way to do that and still honor your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Letting a child go is one of the most difficult challenges of parenting. Don’t be surprised that something as innocent as a holiday visit may reopen the “separation wound.” If a mom or dad struggles with letting go, irritation over holiday plans may indicate that this is the case. This issue may help you appropriately sever the ties and better establish both your marriage and your family’s holiday traditions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You and your spouse need to establish your own holiday traditions. They include what you do in your own home, with your spouse and children, before and through Christmas Day. Of course, part of your traditions may involve activities with your parents. However, the focus needs to shift to your home<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Going-home guidelines<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

As part of honoring your parents, you will likely visit their home. Here are some ideas on how to do this without violating your emerging traditions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n