{"id":93150,"date":"2019-12-06T10:26:38","date_gmt":"2019-12-06T17:26:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=93150"},"modified":"2019-12-06T10:26:38","modified_gmt":"2019-12-06T17:26:38","slug":"3-easy-rules-for-disciplining-kids-at-grandmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/parenting-challenges\/discipline\/3-easy-rules-for-disciplining-kids-at-grandmas\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Easy Rules for Disciplining Kids at Grandma\u2019s"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u201cBoys, no jumping on Mimi\u2019s couches.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo snacks in Mimi\u2019s living room.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd no wrestling on Mimi\u2019s bed!!\u201d<\/p>\n

If you have children and you\u2019ve ever visited family, I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve had similar declarations come out of your mouth. Welcome to disciplining kids at Grandma’s house. Why can\u2019t kids always be on their \u201cbest behavior,\u201d and show the world the little angels you\u2019re raising??<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s be real. Those little sweeties aren\u2019t always angels.<\/p>\n

And sometimes friends, in-laws, or random old ladies at the grocery store say things about your parenting or your children\u2019s behavior that you prefer they\u2019d keep to themselves. Plus, there\u2019s no time like the holidays\u2014cramped quarters and together more than any other time of year\u2014for our kids\u2019 behavior and our family\u2019s opinions to come out in the worst way and at the worst time possible.<\/p>\n

So how do we survive the holidays with family and kids while not losing our sanity (or our hair)? I\u2019ve got three rules for you.<\/p>\n

The first two rules to disciplining kids at Grandma’s may seem to contradict. But I promise you they don\u2019t. And I\u2019ll tell you why.<\/p>\n

1. My house, my rules<\/p>\n

A few weeks ago, we were visiting my mom when I had a speaking engagement nearby. And all three of the statements above came out of my mouth multiple times a day.<\/p>\n

Like any grandmother, my mom has certain rules for her house. It just so happens that in our house, we are slightly more lax on some of the rules she enforces. It\u2019s one of the reasons we didn\u2019t buy the most expensive couches at the store. And why we\u2019re constantly vacuuming.<\/p>\n

But my mom has lived through the little-children years. When my brother and I were younger, we were allowed to have snacks in the living room. Now that we\u2019re all grown up, she doesn\u2019t have to worry about the daily messes that accompany littles. So she is certainly allowed to splurge a little on nicer couches. And I don\u2019t blame her for not wanting to deal with crumbs and spills on those nice couches.<\/p>\n

We needed to make a plan on what we’d expect from them and how we planned on disciplining our kids at Grandma’s.<\/p>\n

So, her house, her rules.<\/p>\n

When we\u2019re at Mimi\u2019s (or Nana\u2019s, or anyone else\u2019s), we listen to her rules. We eat in the kitchen. We do our dishes right away. We\u2019re extra careful to take good care of her toys. We don\u2019t chase her dogs. We don\u2019t leave toys laying out. And we don\u2019t run around like banshees.<\/p>\n

Basically, we opt for respecting Mimi’s things and putting it back how we found it.<\/p>\n

(In case you think Mimi\u2019s house is just full of \u201cnoes,\u201d I promise you, they love <\/i>being at her house. She spoils them rotten.)<\/p>\n

2. My kids, my rules<\/p>\n

When it comes to what my kids eat, what time they go to bed, and how they\u2019re disciplined, my rule is: my kids, my rules. Every parent raises and disciplines their kid(s) differently based on personality, health needs, and a multitude of other details.<\/p>\n

Yes, grandparents may say their two cents. They may spout the occasional, \u201cEat your broccoli and you can have ice cream!\u201d But if you, their parent, don\u2019t agree with any part of that statement, it\u2019s okay to say no.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s okay to speak up to say how you\u2019re raising them. (In a respectful way of course.) And no matter what anyone says, your wishes for your child should be respected.<\/p>\n

For the first two years of my oldest son\u2019s life, we kept him away from as much sugar as we could. My mother-in-law, God bless her, was so excited to make things like Jello-Jigglers and ice cream cones for him.<\/p>\n

But she respected my wishes. Even though she was eager to spoil him the way every kid deserves to be spoiled by their grandparents, she made sure to get my husband\u2019s or my permission before offering anything.<\/p>\n

And when my kids were younger, especially when we only had one baby, we lived <\/i>by naps and bedtime. Following the advice of my sister-in-law, I learned early that babies crave a routine and a schedule. So occasionally, I’d try a car-seat nap or wear my baby in a carrier during nap time. But I knew my baby. My baby slept best in his crib.<\/p>\n

I realized it wasn\u2019t always convenient that we had to be home for a couple hours in the morning and a couple hours in the afternoon. As well as being home in the evening for an early bedtime. But I knew what my baby needed.<\/p>\n

And by sticking with a schedule, I was saving all of us from an evening trying to get a crying, overtired baby to sleep.<\/p>\n

Receive more encouraging content like this delivered to your inbox!<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

3. Behavior is \u201cbest\u201d no matter where you are<\/p>\n

Upon leaving the house as a child, I remember my parents saying, \u201cNow, I want you to be on your best behavior!\u201d And while I know they had the best of intentions (and kids can definitely use the reminder), I believe we should take it a step further.<\/p>\n

Kids should be on their best behavior no matter where they are. (In theory.) How they behave at grandma\u2019s house, Target, or church should reflect how they behave at home.<\/p>\n

Yes, kids are inconsistent and unpredictable. At any given moment, your angel baby may lay kicking and screaming on the floor and yell at the top of their lungs because you said they can\u2019t have a third lollipop. (Or because you wiped their<\/i> boogie away, or their sibling looked at them, or they want what their brother has … the list could go on and on.)<\/p>\n

But if we view our job as parents as discipling their hearts to be more like Jesus, we should keep the bar high and expect godly behavior no matter whether we\u2019re at home or out. Plus, building consistency at home, where they know they must listen and obey, will more easily carry over into outside situations.<\/p>\n

Sure, they’re only kids<\/h2>\n

Yes, we need to remember they are kids. They are young and still trying to figure out what it looks like to be human. But if we turn to Scripture, we can easily find instances when Jesus dealt with immature disciples. (See Luke 22.) And in those moments, He showed them love, grace, and truth.<\/p>\n

Jesus loved His disciples through their struggles and their questioning and their sinfulness. All the while still holding them to a standard where they live out the fruit of the Spirit<\/a>; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. There is no greater guide for what characteristics we should seek to instill in our kids.<\/p>\n

However, one of the biggest things we need to remember is that kids learn through observation. If we\u2019re expecting the of the fruit of the Spirit, we need to be exemplifying that same fruit. The best way we can instill in them to be on their best behavior wherever they are is to be modeling for them our best behavior wherever we are.<\/p>\n

We all mess up<\/h2>\n

More importantly, that \u201cbehavior\u201d shouldn\u2019t be a mask we wear or a role we play in order to portray ourselves as better than we are. Being on our best behavior should mean humbly accepting our flesh nature as sinful. But at the same time, striving every day to be more and more like Christ.<\/p>\n

Allowing our kids to mess up because we mess up, too. Allowing them to learn from their mistakes, not be humiliated by them. Showing them grace because we are shown grace. Loving them unconditionally because we are loved that way.<\/p>\n

But disciplining them\u2014even at grandma’s\u2014is for their own good. If we do it in a way that will help them see their sinful nature and find a pathway to the loving, forgiving, sanctifying arms of Jesus.<\/p>\n

Nothing can show us our own sin or remind us that we are still babies in our faith quite like raising children. It\u2019s hard and messy and humbling and sanctifying.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also a high calling. Not one we should take lightly. We need to be our children\u2019s biggest advocate, while at the same time not cover over their mistakes to make them or us look perfect. Again, they are kids. We need to allow them to be kids.<\/p>\n

But if this holiday season you\u2019re looking for a short and sweet guideline for disciplining the kids at grandma’s, you\u2019re more than welcome to use my three rules. They\u2019ve served me well. And we’re looking forward to good family time together this season.<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2019 Jenn Grandlienard. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n

Jenn Grandlienard grew up an East Coast Philly girl, but now loves calling the Midwest her home. She lives in Xenia, Ohio with her husband, Stuart, two sons, Knox and Zeke, and pup, Stella. Jenn and her husband work with Athletes in Action, a ministry of Cru that teaches college athletes what it means to have a relationship with Jesus. She loves to read, work out, laugh really hard with friends, and spend time with her husband and boys. You can check out her blog about all these things and more at OurGrandLife.com. Find her on Instagram at @mrsjenngrand and on Facebook<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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