{"id":9301,"date":"2015-08-24T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-08-24T05:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9301"},"modified":"2015-08-24T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-08-24T05:00:00","slug":"they-needed-a-marriage-makeover","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/real-stories\/marriage-real-stories\/resurrected-marriages\/they-needed-a-marriage-makeover\/","title":{"rendered":"They Needed a Marriage Makeover"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\" fetchpriority=\"high\"><\/div><p>Alicia Jarrell was 17 years old when her parents asked her and her siblings to come into the dining room. While the outside of Bill and Lisa Jarrell\u2019s home had brand-new aluminum siding, the inside of their home needed a major marriage makeover.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI know they had been going through counseling and had gone to a marriage conference,\u201d says Alicia. She\u2019d heard them fight\u2014all three kids had. They\u2019d even broken up a few arguments themselves. The teenager couldn\u2019t imagine why Mom and Dad gathered everyone around the dining-room table.<\/p>\n<p>More than five months earlier, the trou\u00adbled couple had gone to a marriage conference and received a document with a fancy font at the top, challenging them to pledge a new start to their marriage. It was called a \u201coneness covenant\u201d and the couple was only now ready to sign it. Bill prayed and read it aloud, then passed the pen to each person.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThey wanted to have us witness [it] by signing it with them,\u201d remembers Alicia. \u201cWe knew that was their promise to each other, to God, and to their kids.\u201d But was signing this marriage covenant going to result in real change for their marriage and their family?<\/p>\n<p>Before the conference, Bill described their marriage as rocky: \u201cShe didn\u2019t want to be around me,\u201d said Bill. \u201cShe wasn\u2019t even sure she wanted to stay married.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bill didn\u2019t know what to do. So when he heard that their local Christian radio station, Praise 106.5, had a contest to win tickets to a weekend get-away marriage conference, he entered. It was for a Weekend to Remember\u00ae, a marriage getaway sponsored by FamilyLife. FamilyLife\u2019s main goal is to help develop godly marriages and families that then help change the world one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>The radio station asked contestants to describe how they felt about the condition of their marriage. Bill said in his online registration that he didn\u2019t know if he would still have a marriage in a year.<\/p>\n<p>Alicia describes what her parents\u2019 marriage looked like before the changes took place: \u201cThere was a pretty rough time where they weren\u2019t talking to each other for a while, so it kind of felt like I got stuck in the middle.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When Bill told Lisa that he had won the tickets and invited her to go, she couldn\u2019t give him an answer right away. \u201cIt was about a week out before she agreed to go,\u201d says Bill.<\/p>\n<p>Lisa tells her perspective at the time. \u201cWe were probably on the verge of separation, and I didn\u2019t want to go at all, but I went.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In November 2005, Bill and Lisa made the two-and-a-half\u2013hour trek up Interstate 5 toward the Semiahmoo Resort in Blaine, Washington, a town about 10 miles south of Canada. The mid-November weather was as cold as their relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Lisa did not want to sign the oneness covenant when she first returned from the marriage conference: \u201cI was fighting with myself. I knew what God wanted me to do with my marriage, and what I should do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then in April, everything exploded with a phone call. A woman from Australia called and confronted Lisa about an affair she had been having online. The woman\u2019s husband and Lisa had been corresponding online for three years. The woman demanded that the affair must stop.<\/p>\n<p>Lisa confessed to Bill and the marriage counselor at their church about the emotional affair with the Australian man she had known earlier in college.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhen she got that phone call, I think she started re-evaluating where she was and where she wanted to be,\u201d says Bill. \u201cHad it not been for the conference and everything that was spoken at that conference\u2014I think she probably would have left.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Lisa chose to stay and commit to her husband and her marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Two weeks later, they signed the oneness covenant. \u201cWe established the fact that our marriage was going to be different,\u201d says Bill.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat\u2019s when they promised to all of us\u2014to me, my brother and my sister\u2014that they were going to be married and stay together forever,\u201d says Alicia.<\/p>\n<p>Her dad was serious about change. \u201cOver time I would sit down and take time with the kids,\u201d Bill says. \u201cI would take time to talk with them and [ask] what\u2019s bothering them\u2014something I had not done before. As I learned to talk more to my wife and to communicate with her, I would also do it with the kids.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In November 2007, Alicia married Nick Hackl. Communication became challenging during their first year of marriage because they lived apart for about eight months when Nick attended basic training in Texas, then Air Force Technical School in Texas and Mississippi, while Alicia lived at Dover Air Force Base in Delaware.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhen my husband and I first got married, we weren\u2019t the best communicators,\u201d Alicia says. \u201cWe were fighting and yelling at each other at the same time.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMy parents worked with us on how to express our feelings,\u201d she says. \u201cNow one person says how they feel, then the next person and vice versa.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bill called Nick and mentored him over the phone. \u201cEver since I started dating Alicia, they have always been pretty involved in my life,\u201d says Nick, \u201cso it\u2019s kind of normal to me. It is cool because my dad had not done too much of that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cA lot of those [communication] tools, which are awesome, we got from FamilyLife,\u201d says Lisa. \u201cSo we were able to pass that stuff on to them.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Lisa explains what the communication looked like in her own marriage before and after the changes took place: \u201cHe would never want to fight and I would yell and yell and yell and get really angry and would walk out, slam the door, and leave,\u201d she says. \u201cThere is none of that any more at all.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bill and Lisa were also able to pass on the marriage tools to Scott and Samantha Hayward, their friends from church, by sponsoring them so they could attend a Week\u00adend to Remember conference last spring.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe wasn\u2019t just a nice Christian lady wanting to help me and fix my marriage,\u201d says Samantha about Lisa. \u201cShe had been through some rough times too. It made me feel like she knew where I was coming from and was a very big help. It put us on the same playing field; it showed that she is a real person.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bill and Lisa signed that oneness covenant, promising more than just to renew their own marriage. They pledged to help others fulfill their marriage vows, too.<\/p>\n<p>When Alicia initially signed as a witness to her parents\u2019 marriage re-commitment, she didn\u2019t know how it would affect her, especially years later. Now she sees.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTheir marriage now is a good example, a role model of what we try to have our marriage be,\u201d Alicia says.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><i>Used by permission of\u00a0<\/i><a href=\"http:\/\/worldwidechallenge.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Worldwide Challenge <i>magazine<\/i><\/a><i>, a bimonthly publication of Campus Crusade for Christ.\u00a0 Originally appeared in March\/April 2010 copy of <\/i>Worldwide Challenge<i>magazine as &#8220;Marriage Makeover&#8221; by Rich Atkinson.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How one couple&#8217;s renewed commitment influences the next generation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":66132,"featured_media":17815,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"How one couple&#039;s renewed commitment influences the next 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