{"id":9297,"date":"2016-02-12T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-02-12T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9297"},"modified":"2016-02-12T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-02-12T00:00:00","slug":"the-judge-kicked-them-out-of-divorce-court","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/real-stories\/marriage-real-stories\/resurrected-marriages\/the-judge-kicked-them-out-of-divorce-court\/","title":{"rendered":"The Judge Kicked Them Out of Divorce Court"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Even the air felt heavy as Tom and Maureen Santacroce waited for the judge that Monday morning. Tom sat by his attorney and Maureen by hers. They were about to dissolve 34 years of marriage.<\/p>\n

The only problem was that neither really wanted a divorce.<\/p>\n

Tom had initiated the proceedings, but in his heart he knew he didn\u2019t want to end their marriage.\u00a0It was his attorney\u2019s idea. \u201cThe only way that you can protect your assets is to file for divorce,\u201d he had said.<\/p>\n

A scene from the previous night kept replaying in Maureen\u2019s mind. In a last-ditch effort to save their marriage before appearing in divorce court, she and Tom had attended a Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway<\/a>. \u201cWe were really happy,\u201d Maureen says. \u201cEverything had worked out. As we left the conference we really thought everything was wonderful.\u201d<\/p>\n

But that was before the argument\u2014before Maureen allowed rash words to spill from her mouth.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was just really nasty,\u201d Maureen says. \u201cI was talking about the past \u2026 with viciousness and words that were hurtful and painful. And I brought up things that were supposedly already settled.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tom\u2019s countenance changed with each verbal dart. He demanded that Maureen answer a question about the past. She refused. He stormed out of the apartment and slammed the door behind him.\"\"<\/p>\n

Maureen walked to the door and turned the dead-bolt lock. She peeked out the front window and saw the reflection of headlights on the pavement below. She refused to allow herself to cry. \u201cThe only thing crying gave me was a headache,\u201d she says, \u201cSo why add that to a heartache.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tom returned to his home thinking about the argument and his marriage.\u00a0 Maureen’s phone rang about midnight. It was Tom. \u201cI’m going through with the divorce,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cFine,\u201d Maureen answered.<\/p>\n

Tom stayed up most of the night praying.\u00a0 He was confused and hurt and asked God to help him make the right decision about his marriage.<\/p>\n

Judgment<\/h2>\n

So there they sat\u2014two people who still loved one another despite their disagreements. Two people who had vowed 34 years earlier to love one another until death parted them.<\/p>\n

The judge walked out of his chambers and sat on his bench. He turned to Tom. \u201cOkay, what do you want to do?\u201d<\/p>\n

With a sense of peace and God\u2019s leading, Tom replied, \u201cI don\u2019t want a divorce.\u201d<\/p>\n

The judge then turned to Maureen, \u201cWhat are you going to do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t file for divorce,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cWould the two of you get out of my courtroom? And don\u2019t let me ever see you two back here again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Working on their hearts<\/h2>\n

Although still legally married, Tom and Maureen were light years apart. How could their marriage be saved?<\/p>\n

As Maureen returned to her apartment, she recalled the hope she had felt just the day before, when she and Tom were at the Weekend to Remember. \u201c[Until then] we always thought everybody had perfect marriages,\u201d Maureen says, \u201cand if someone didn\u2019t have a perfect marriage you bail out.\u201d<\/p>\n

Maureen was surprised as the speakers opened up their lives to the attendees\u2014that they transparently shared their personal problems. She and Tom recognized that they had struggled for years with their desire to control their lives and circumstances, and they discovered that only God is in control.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd that lifted the biggest burden off of Tom\u2019s shoulders that he had ever had,\u201d Maureen says. \u201cHe lost years of happiness because of control, because of worry about things that never happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

During the weekend, Doug Mary, a representative from FamilyLife, met the Santacroces. When he first saw Tom and Maureen, they looked like two empty shells. \u201cThey had a gaunt look on their faces. Totally borderline,\u201d Doug says. \u201cI\u2019ve never seen anything like that. It really caught my eye.\u201d<\/p>\n

When Doug asked Tom and Maureen, \u201cCan I pray for you guys?\u201d they agreed. What God did over the course of that weekend to answer those prayers was incredible. Initially Tom and Maureen sat opposite of one another when they worked on their projects. But by Sunday afternoon they were sitting side by side, laughing while they worked together. \u201cThey had come so far in three days,\u201d Doug says. \u201cIt was amazing to see what took place. You could tell they had worked on stuff and were enjoying one another\u2019s company.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hope into utter hopelessness<\/h2>\n

Knowing their story, Doug advised the Santacroces, \u201cYou are going to need someone [after the getaway] to help you piece this thing back together.\u201d Several days later, still living apart after leaving the divorce court, they received an email from Doug, who recommended a Christian counselor who lived in their area: pastor Jim Solomon.<\/p>\n

Jim says he\u2019ll never forget the first time he met the Santacroces. They came into his office one at a time\u2014Tom entered first. Jim\u2019s chair was in front of his desk and directly across from two chairs. Tom, who was casually dressed, sat in one of those chairs. \u201cHis eyes had an expression of sadness\u2014almost … defeated,\u201d Jim says, \u201cand yet his body language seemed to be saying I\u2019m here. I\u2019ve been beaten up so much I don\u2019t know if I can take it anymore.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

When Maureen entered Jim\u2019s office, she appeared professional\u2014a no-nonsense woman. \u201cShe did not establish eye contact very well,\u201d Jim says, \u201cwhich told me she was half there and half absent when it came to her desire to connect.\u201d She picked up her chair and moved it to the other side of the room.<\/p>\n

Tom and Maureen appeared to be two people who were very separate from each other. \u201cTheir body language screamed that they did not even want to touch each other,\u201d Jim says, \u201cthat they did not want to deal with each other, and certainly did not like each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jim knew that the Lord could bring hope into what the world would call utter hopelessness. \u201cI had seen Him work miracles, especially in marriages and even in whole families.\u00a0I knew the truth of Matthew 19:26, that with God all things are possible. I just felt like these were two people the Lord was sending me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jim knew something else\u2014that he and his own wife have something rare in today\u2019s world. \u201cOur marriage is not perfect,\u201d he says, \u201cbut it is centered on the One who is. And that\u2019s what gave me the confidence to really be able to face Tom and Maureen with a countenance of hope, and strength, and joy. \u2026 I knew that only the Lord can help two people who otherwise are helpless.\u00a0I knew that His principles, and His Word, and the help of His Spirit could make two people who otherwise could be like two ships passing in the night become one in spirit and with each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

A turning point<\/h2>\n

During one of Tom and Maureen\u2019s first counseling sessions with Jim, Maureen finally grasped that Tom wasn\u2019t the only problem, that she was part of the problem, too. \u201cShe had a difficult time with this,\u201d Jim says, \u201cbecause she had been meeting with a counselor who had been telling her just the opposite for years\u2014that if he [Tom] didn\u2019t shape up, she should be out of there. And that she needs to just do what makes her happy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jim had a different perspective of marriage\u2014that God intends marriage more for holiness than happiness. When Maureen heard she would have to learn from the Lord how to love Tom when he wasn\u2019t yet lovable, she said, \u201cI can\u2019t take this.\u201d She walked out of Jim\u2019s office, slammed the door, and left the building.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think she\u2019ll come back?\u201d Jim asked Tom.<\/p>\n

\u201cKnowing my wife, and we\u2019ve been married for a long time, she won\u2019t come back into this counseling.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jim suggested they pray, and Tom agreed. Jim began praying: \u201cLord, You can do anything, please bring Maureen back. Stop her in her tracks. Help her realize that when she ran out of this office, she was running from You. Help her see that You want her to run to You because You love her and You have something good in store for her and this is not the time to quit. That if she turns back to You, You will deliver her and bring new hope to her and even bless her.\u201d<\/p>\n

While they prayed, Maureen sat in her car. She recalls saying, \u201cDear God, what in the hell am I doing here?\u201d She continued her prayer, \u201cGod, I am in<\/em> hell. I need my husband. I need hope. I need prayer.\u201d<\/p>\n

She got out of the car and walked back into the church.<\/p>\n

Tom and Jim sat in silence. \u201cIt seemed like forever,\u201d Jim says. \u201cBut it was probably only 10 minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n

There was a knock on the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome in,\u201d Jim said, hoping it was Maureen.<\/p>\n

Maureen entered, walked over to Tom, kissed him on the forehead and asked for his forgiveness. \u201cPlease forgive me for walking out,\u201d she said. \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Something happened in the Santacaroces\u2019 marriage that day\u2014they were honest with one another, and they placed their marriage in Jesus\u2019 hands. \u201cIt was almost as if whatever was keeping Maureen from turning to Christ and His will for her marriage was dismissed,\u201d Jim recalls.<\/p>\n

Tom and Maureen continued to see Jim for counseling for three or four months.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe type of counseling that I believe in,\u201d Jim says, \u201cis the type of counseling that helps people become less dependent on me and more dependent on Christ. My role is to really help them grow in Him and in each other\u2014to not depend on me, but to depend on Him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe taught us a lot about God,\u201d Tom says of Jim, \u201cand about love and about Who is first in life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe referred to the Bible,\u201d Maureen says. \u201cThe moment we laid eyes on him you could see God in his eyes. \u2026 My husband has every word that Jim ever counseled us on his heart.\u201d<\/p>\n

A source of hope<\/h2>\n

When asked to describe her marriage today, Maureen says just one word: \u201cSuperb.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNow we have been married 40 years,\u201d Tom says, \u201cand the last six years have been the best years of our life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wanting their marriage to remain strong, Tom and Maureen tune up their relationship every year through a Weekend to Remember. They are also passionate about telling others about the marriage getaway. Many couples identify with the Santacroces when they share the trials and triumphs they\u2019ve had in their marriage. \u201cEven now there\u2019s a couple who were going to get divorced,\u201d Jim says, \u201cAnd because of Tom and Maureen they are going to the Weekend to Remember. I really see God using them. They are a source of hope in the midst of hopelessness and light in the darkness.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jim Solomon is now the Santacroces\u2019 pastor. He has seen the dramatic change in their marriage over the past six years. So much so that he hardly knows what happened to the couple that first walked into his office. \u201cThey\u2019ve died. They are gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTom and Maureen Santacroce today are so one,\u201d Jim says. He sees how they hold hands and show affection to one another. \u201cEven more than that,\u201d Jim says, \u201cThey are one with each other in spirit before the Lord. And you look at them and you can\u2019t help but think, Wow! That\u2019s one couple that really has it together.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

Editor’s Note: \u00a0Tom and Maureen Santacroce have both passed away. Their story continues to show others the\u00a0beauty of a marriage centered in Christ.<\/em><\/div>\n
\n

Copyright \u00a9 2008 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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