{"id":9291,"date":"2012-08-20T15:27:00","date_gmt":"2012-08-20T20:27:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9291"},"modified":"2012-08-20T15:27:00","modified_gmt":"2012-08-20T20:27:00","slug":"reborn-recommitted-and-remarried","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/real-stories\/marriage-real-stories\/resurrected-marriages\/reborn-recommitted-and-remarried\/","title":{"rendered":"Reborn, Recommitted, and Remarried"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\" fetchpriority=\"high\"><\/div><p><strong>Sylvia:<\/strong> I was at work when Ray told me over the phone that he needed to talk to me. I sensed from his voice that there was something wrong.<\/p>\n<p>Ray had been drinking when he finally arrived home about midnight. He said he was having an affair with a woman he supervised and had also lost his job because of the affair. I felt like it was a dream \u2026 that he was not telling me the truth. I could not understand it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ray:<\/strong> I was confused and proud. God was not in the picture and everything was about me.<\/p>\n<p>I have 15 brothers and sisters and grew up in poverty. Determined not to have that kind of life, I worked very hard for a building supply company. After beginning as a manual laborer, I was considered its top manager before my affair was discovered.<\/p>\n<p>It was company policy for a manager to be automatically terminated if he\/she had a sexual relationship with an employee.\u00a0When I crossed that line, I knew that eventually I would get fired. But I had it in my mind that I just could not control my relationship with the other woman.<\/p>\n<p>After I lost my job in January 2004, I continued seeing the other woman. On Valentine\u2019s Day 2004, Sylvia asked me to leave the house.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sylvia:<\/strong> I had been a stay-at-home mom and only substituted once in a while at school. I didn\u2019t have a degree, so I enrolled in college. After being married to Ray for almost 18 years, all I could think of was the kids.\u00a0How was I going to support them?<\/p>\n<p>Ray had acquired real estate and people around me said, \u201cHe\u2019s going to take you for everything. You need to take your part and file for divorce first.\u201d So I went ahead and filed.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ray:<\/strong>\u00a0At first I was saddened, but I continued drinking and became angry. \u201cIf this is what you want,\u201d I told Sylvia, \u201cI will do it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I remember meeting Sylvia at a grocery store, \u201cOkay, you take your half and I\u2019ll take my half,\u201d I said.\u00a0It was the first time I told her, \u201cThis is real,\u201d and she said \u201cYeah.\u201d At that time I was ready to let go of everything I had in my past.\u00a0Let go of Sylvia. Let go of the girls.<\/p>\n<p>Sylvia didn\u2019t really want the divorce. I was living in an apartment and she would try to visit me but I would push her away. She realized that I wasn\u2019t afraid of divorcing.<\/p>\n<p>I was hired by another lumber yard and during that time I remember telling the other woman that I had to go back home. \u201cMy wife wants us to get back together. I\u2019ve got a good offer.\u00a0I\u2019m going to be a manager again.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I tried to move back home with Sylvia, but it didn\u2019t work. We got divorced on December 15, 2004.<\/p>\n<p>Not long afterwards, I moved in with the other lady. I started to see the same issues that I had with Sylvia\u2014wanting control, being jealous, relationship issues. The woman\u2019s ex-husband also started coming around and asking her to come back.<\/p>\n<p>I was so confused and returned to my own apartment. I knew that something wasn\u2019t right. I bought a Bible because I wanted to know what was happening. On Easter Sunday in 2005 I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, and I started listening to Christian radio.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sylvia:<\/strong>\u00a0I also listened to Christian programs on the radio and got involved in church. My life started to change in December 2006 when I went on a retreat with some ladies from church and started having a relationship with Christ.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ray:<\/strong>\u00a0I heard an ad for the\u00a0Weekend getaway\u00a0on the radio. Before I could ask Sylvia if she wanted to go, she mentioned it to me. We knew this conference was our last resort and would determine if we were going to stay together or not<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sylvia:<\/strong>\u00a0Although Ray lived in his apartment and I was living at the house, we went together to the Weekend to Remember.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ray:<\/strong>\u00a0We started listening to the speakers. <em>Wow! Is this marriage? <\/em>I thought. It was totally opposite of how I was brought up. It was something new and I liked it.<\/p>\n<p>They asked us to get into groups for one of the sessions. Sylvia and I started sharing our story and told the group that we were divorced. A young man said, \u201cIf you guys get interested in getting married here\u2019s this card of a Christian counselor.\u201d\u00a0I kept the card in my wallet.<\/p>\n<p>A man who works with FamilyLife approached Sylvia and me. He said hello and asked us a few questions. I started breaking down in front of him, telling him about my adultery. I remember crying and he just hugged me and said, \u201cYou are going to be okay. I did the same thing, Ray.\u201d\u00a0I guess he made me realize I wasn\u2019t the only one.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sylvia:<\/strong> I learned at the conference that Ray and I had never had a God-centered marriage, even though we were married in the church. Our marriage had not been anything like what it was supposed to be\u2014how God comes first and then Ray and me and then the children. We never had it right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ray:<\/strong> A few months after the conference Sylvia and I decided that we wanted to see a Christian counselor and I pulled out the card that I had gotten at the Weekend to Remember. We began seeing the counselor because I didn\u2019t feel that Sylvia could understand me. He was not going to judge me, and Sylvia and I were able to talk about what went wrong.\u00a0After several sessions I thought that it was time to get married again.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sylvia:<\/strong>\u00a0I never really wanted a divorce and was always there waiting for Ray. I had no other relationships. <img decoding=\"async\" style=\"float: right;border: 0px solid\" src=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/atf\/cf\/%7B8E975F2E-4C1C-4315-AAFF-34A97EB367B5%7D\/Aguilera_1_b.JPG\" alt=\"Sylvia and ray aguilera\" \/><\/p>\n<p>One day Ray and I were sitting in our parked minivan when he started to choke. \u201cAre you okay,\u201d I asked. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ray stuttered a couple of times and finally the words came out: \u201cWould you want to marry me again?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I started crying.\u00a0\u201cYes, I do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We remarried on July 6, 2008, and had a garden wedding in the backyard of our home. Our counselor married us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ray:<\/strong> Being married to Sylvia now is like night and day. I see a reason why I should be here and I\u2019m more involved with Sylvia and the kids. I teach them God\u2019s Word; it is very challenging. There will be times when the old sinful nature of comparing or being judgmental comes back. When that happens, I get back to the Word and recall truths like \u201cIf Christ forgave me, who am I not to forgive?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sylvia:<\/strong> It is so different and wonderful to have God at the center of your life. It is hard because we are not used to putting God first \u2026 going to Him with our troubles, with our kids. Everything is about Him now. We come second.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ray:<\/strong> After we remarried, we went to our second Weekend to Remember conference. I learned more about my responsibilities as a father; I have four girls from 22 to 13. I learned how to play the role of a father and balance that with my roles of husband and provider.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sylvia:<\/strong> At the second marriage conference I learned how to be a better mother to my children.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ray:<\/strong> I am so thankful to be where I am with Christ personally. Walking with Him. Being in a marriage again with Sylvia. I can see where God is teaching me what is true love. It\u2019s about giving and not about what I get in return.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sylvia:<\/strong>\u00a0God\u2019s love is changing Ray not to be judgmental and not to be the kind of man he used to be. I am very thankful to God that He has given us back our marriage. It\u2019s not the old marriage but a new marriage with Him.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><i>Copyright \u00a9 2009 by FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s not the old marriage but a new marriage with God at the center.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":66132,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"It&#039;s not the old marriage but a new marriage with God at the 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