{"id":92905,"date":"2019-12-09T12:50:27","date_gmt":"2019-12-09T19:50:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=92905"},"modified":"2025-02-12T14:37:46","modified_gmt":"2025-02-12T19:37:46","slug":"help-is-my-spouse-manipulating-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/marriage-challenges\/help-is-my-spouse-manipulating-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Help! Is My Spouse Manipulating Me?"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

Manipulation, by definition, can be a pretty crazy mind game. (\u201cWait. What just happened? Is my spouse manipulating me?”)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It can leave you feeling guilty, angry, confused, insecure. You might feel like you just got played.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It can be subtle: \u201cDoes this dress make me look fat?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“If you want to put our family first, you\u2019ll make sure you\u2019re there at the picnic.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe you\u2019re wondering how to qualify your spouse’s manipulation in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Oxford dictionary will tell you it’s about controlling or influencing a person or situation cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all influence each other and try to persuade one another. So it\u2019s worth asking a few questions if you’re wondering, Is my spouse manipulating me?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n

How can we tell whether or not we are <\/em>being <\/em>manipulated?<\/h2>\n\n\n

Manipulation has a lot to do with how direct we\u2019re willing to be. But \u201cdirect\u201d can still mean \u201ccontrolling.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At times, indirectness can preserve a relationship, fitting relational protocol, or someone\u2019s dignity (think Queen Esther\u2019s approach to her husband). It can be good manners (\u201cWould you be open to spending some time together this weekend?\u201d).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Acceptable \u201cmanipulation\u201d varies widely by culture. Many cultures would find directness similar to reaching across the table for the salt, rather than asking politely for it to be passed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consider our own more appropriate forms of indirectness, i.e. sarcasm: If an American says, \u201cYeah, right,\u201d none of us assume that person actually agrees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, your spouse learned to navigate a certain subculture in their family of origin. <\/em>Not all of their methods may be appropriate or healthy. (Pro tip: Yours aren\u2019t either.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are your spouse’s actions…<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n