{"id":9290,"date":"2016-02-10T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-02-10T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9290"},"modified":"2016-02-10T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-02-10T00:00:00","slug":"our-marriage-was-dead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/real-stories\/marriage-real-stories\/resurrected-marriages\/our-marriage-was-dead\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018Our Marriage Was Dead\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Kara\u00f1a Walker looked at her friend\u2019s face and knew something was wrong. Laura Danser and her husband, Dale, were walking toward her. They were among thousands of couples streaming out of the Cox Convention Center in Oklahoma City after attending an I Still Do marriage event…..<\/p>\n

Laura was weeping and Dale\u2019s face was flushed. When the two women met, Laura embraced her friend, hesitant to let go. Between sobs, she whispered into Kara\u00f1a\u2019s ear, \u201cHow did you know?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow did I know what?\u201d Kara\u00f1a asked.\u00a0 But it wasn\u2019t until later that Kara\u00f1a learned what Laura meant.<\/p>\n

How did you know how badly we needed this?<\/em><\/p>\n

Hidden struggles<\/strong><\/h5>\n

A few days before I Still Do, a one-day event sponsored by FamilyLife that encourages couples to commit to a lifelong marriage, a couple in Kara\u00f1a Walker\u2019s church realized they wouldn\u2019t be able to attend. So they asked Kara\u00f1a and her husband, Butch, to give away their two tickets.<\/p>\n

Kara\u00f1a asked Laura if she\u2019d like the extra tickets. At first Laura declined the invitation, saying that she wouldn\u2019t have child care. But when Kara\u00f1a told her, \u201cWe have that taken care of,\u201d the Dansers agreed to go.<\/p>\n

At the time, Kara\u00f1a and Butch did not know that Dale and Laura\u2019s marriage was in trouble \u2026 that Laura had been searching through library books for help. \u201cI knew we couldn\u2019t afford professional marriage counseling,\u201d she says. \u201cI didn\u2019t know who to go to.\u201d<\/p>\n

Like many people, the Dansers believed that marriage problems should be kept private. Already divorced once, Dale wasn\u2019t about to admit that he was again failing in marriage. Yes, he and Laura held hands at church, but that was out of habit. No one had any idea that their marriage was broken, that they were living in parallel universes.<\/p>\n

Dale usually worked 70 or 80 hours a week; he and Laura saw each other only an hour or two each day.\u00a0 He felt like Laura had time for the kids, for church and home school activities, but little time for just him.<\/p>\n

And Laura felt alone, raising the children by herself. \u00a0Laura says Dale constantly found fault with her. And she regretted what she said during one argument: \u201cJust get a divorce attorney.\u201d Even though she had not meant those words, soon afterward Dale told her that he didn\u2019t love her any more. She cried all that night.<\/p>\n

Back in 2002, if someone could have looked beyond the Dansers\u2019 veneered exteriors, they\u2019d probably wonder: Is there any hope for this marriage? Or is it already dead?<\/em><\/p>\n

Something happened <\/strong><\/h5>\n

Dale agreed to attend I Still Do even though he didn\u2019t expect his marriage to work out.\u00a0 In fact, he had been hiding some secret money so he could leave his wife and the kids. He kept it in an envelope in his car, and as he and Laura drove to the marriage event that day in 2002, she was actually sitting above that money.<\/p>\n

I Still Do did not begin well for the Dansers. They even got into an argument. \u201cHe reads faster than I do,\u201d Laura says. While sharing a booklet during I Still Do, Dale turned a page when Laura was still reading it. So Laura reached over his hand to go back, \u201cand he threw the book at me,\u201d Laura says. She almost walked out.<\/p>\n

But at some point late in the event, something happened. \u201cThere was something about what this speaker said \u2026 or it was just the hand of God turning our hearts,\u201d Laura says, \u201cand something just clicked with both of us.\u201d\u00a0 They began to see the need for God\u2019s direction in their lives.<\/p>\n

About that time the speaker pointed to huge containers filled with freshly cut, long-stemmed roses. He invited the audience members to come down and get a rose to offer to their spouses, and then renew their vows.<\/p>\n

As Dale walked down countless rows of seats, he joined thousands of others. When he returned with a rose for Laura, he had a determined look in his eye\u2014he was fighting for his marriage.<\/p>\n

Dale grabbed his wife\u2019s hand. They both began to cry. What was God doing?<\/p>\n

Real work<\/strong><\/h5>\n

The day after I Still Do, Laura visited Butch and Kara\u00f1a Walker and explained why she had appeared so upset after the event was over.\u00a0 She explained that she and Dale had been on the verge of divorce, and told them how Dale had confessed everything to her\u2014that he had been hiding money, and that he had even quit wearing his wedding ring because he didn\u2019t want to stay married.<\/p>\n

Kara\u00f1a was speechless. \u201cYou never even told us.\u201d<\/p>\n

After years of struggles, the veneered exterior of the Dansers\u2019 marriage had been peeled off. Now the real work of transforming their relationship began.<\/p>\n

They joined the Walkers\u2019 small group and began going through FamilyLife\u2019s marriage Bible studies<\/a>. With other couples they learned how to grow together in Christ, communicate, manage conflict, and much more. \u201cWe\u2019ve done almost all of [the small-group Bible studies] now,\u201d Laura says.<\/p>\n

Dale\u2019s father died in April 2003, and with his passing Dale began to rethink his own life. Suddenly chasing materialism didn\u2019t seem to be such a good race. So he requested, and was given, a demotion at work. Although this increased the financial pressures, fewer hours at work gave him needed time at home.<\/p>\n

Then, in November 2003, Dale\u2019s mother died.<\/p>\n

Years of smoking, long hours at work, and the death of his parents had taken their toll on Dale\u2019s body. \u00a0In 2004 he was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, and a year later had triple bypass surgery \u201cat the ripe old age of 41,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

Life has taken many twists and turns for the Dansers. \u201cOur marriage is totally different,\u201d Laura says: Dale now uses a wheelchair because of his arthritis, and he needs Laura\u2019s help more and more.<\/p>\n

But their marriage is strong because they are committed to one another for a lifetime\u2014for better, for worse \u2026 for richer, for poorer … in sickness and in health.<\/p>\n

Grateful for the dark time<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Over the years, Laura has kept special keepsakes in a cardboard box. In it are not only her children\u2019s first shoes, but also a plastic bag with the Oklahoma City I Still Do program and a faded rose.<\/p>\n

And on a wall in the Dansers\u2019 home hangs a framed, signed marriage covenant; they received it at I Still Do. Seeing it reminds them of the day God transformed their marriage: October 26, 2002.<\/p>\n

Today Laura is grateful for the dark time in her marriage and compares it to words in Psalm 23:4. \u201cIt talks about walking through the valley of the shadow of death,\u201d she says. \u201cWell, our marriage was dead and the only way we could get through was to walk through together.\u201d<\/p>\n

Like many couples, the Dansers have learned a lot about marriage the hard way. They want to help others not make their same mistakes. That\u2019s why they mentor young couples today.<\/p>\n

Laura says it was worth going through the dark times. \u201cWe truly have a partnership [today] \u2026 and now we see the impact we are making on other couples.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2014 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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