{"id":9288,"date":"2012-08-28T14:13:00","date_gmt":"2012-08-28T19:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9288"},"modified":"2012-08-28T14:13:00","modified_gmt":"2012-08-28T19:13:00","slug":"our-marriage-was-a-mess","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/real-stories\/marriage-real-stories\/resurrected-marriages\/our-marriage-was-a-mess\/","title":{"rendered":"Our Marriage Was a Mess"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

My wife, Deb, and I used to fight all of the time. It was constant. Fight \u2026 fight \u2026 fight.<\/em><\/p>\n

I would say: \u201cIt\u2019s red.\u201d<\/p>\n

Deb would say: \u201cNo, it\u2019s black.\u201d<\/p>\n

We had no role models for a godly marriage and didn\u2019t know how to make our relationship succeed. When I was 12 years old, my father abandoned me and our family. With Dad gone, Mom had to go to work in a factory sewing tents to support us. Deb\u2019s parents both drank heavily and her father was an alcoholic.<\/p>\n

When Deb and I were teenagers, we were promiscuous. We married after Deb became pregnant. She was a young 16-year-old girl and I was a rebellious 15-year-old rock and roll guitar player whose band played in bars. Smoking pot and using illicit drugs like LSD was commonplace. We both dropped out of high school and depended on our monthly welfare check to survive. \u00a0Not much of a beginning for a marriage.<\/p>\n

After we had been married for about a year, I remember thinking, What are we going to do?<\/em> We\u2019re uneducated. We have a baby. We have no money. We have nothing!<\/em><\/p>\n

By the time I turned 21, Deb and I found ourselves living in Chicago. I remember sitting on the outside steps of our apartment, playing my guitar one afternoon, and this neighbor guy who I barely knew walked by. He asked, \u201cHey, do you want to go to Bible study?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure,\u201d I said, and hopped into his car. That one decision directed the rest of my life. I asked Jesus Christ to be my Lord and Savior at that Bible study. Three days later Deb went to a women\u2019s Bible study with the neighbor\u2019s wife and she asked the Lord to take control of her life.<\/p>\n

Help for our marriage<\/strong><\/h5>\n

God began to gradually change Deb and me, and over time He created a truly remarkable legacy for our family.<\/p>\n

As new Christians, we did our best to figure out what \u201cthis Christian thing\u201d was all about. We learned about God\u2019s Word, went to church, and joined Bible studies. Despite all this, we continued to have struggles and argue with one another. I\u2019d find myself thinking in the midst of a heated discussion, Wait a minute, we\u2019re Christians. We\u2019re not supposed to do this anymore.<\/em> To make matters worse, the illicit drug use from my teenage years was now replaced by a severe addiction to prescription drugs.<\/p>\n

Deb and I had four kids by this time, and we had been married for about 11 years.\u00a0The reality of life had completely set in. It was obvious to some friends that our marriage was a mess. \u201cBoy, you guys need help!\u201d they lovingly asserted, and sent us to a Weekend to Remember marriage getaway.<\/p>\n

That conference was a pivotal point in our marriage. Dennis and Barbara Rainey were the speakers, and we remember seeing ourselves in the stories they both told. They gave us the practical tools we so desperately needed. We clung to an exhortation Dennis made at the conference to not allow divorce to be an option in our marriage.\u00a0That weekend we began our training in how to communicate with one another … without fighting.<\/p>\n

Dennis and Barbara said, \u201cWe should not make our spouse compete for our affection,\u201d and that really hit home for us. I had never considered that using drugs was another way of making Deb compete for my affection. At one point Deb said to me, \u201cIf it was another woman, I could figure out how to compete … but drugs. You love drugs more than you love me.\u201d She was right. I was addicted.<\/p>\n

Mentoring younger couples<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Although Deb and I have had our share of marital challenges, we\u2019ve now stayed together for more than three decades. Over time I was delivered from my drug addiction; it was a lot of hard work, but well worth it.\u00a0We\u2019ve been mentored by godly, older couples, and joyfully reach out to mentor younger couples.<\/p>\n

We were so excited about what we had learned at the Weekend to Remember conferences that we began teaching the concepts to other couples in our home and at church. In time, we began HomeBuilders groups. We look for opportunities to share what we\u2019ve been through, and also how we overcame our struggles. We make sure couples understand that, \u201cWhatever you tell us, you\u2019re not going to stun us. We\u2019re not going to think any worse of you; we\u2019ve all got our skeletons in our closets.\u201d<\/p>\n

In 2008 we became the city directors for the Weekend to Remember in Branson, Missouri. That same year we started about eight HomeBuilders groups and spoke at about six or seven different churches. Deb and I talked about how God has used FamilyLife and what it has done in our lives. We encouraged couples to go to a Weekend to Remember conference.<\/p>\n

In fact, among them were the same friends who originally sent us to our first FamilyLife marriage conference. After all the years we recently had a chance to give back to them. \u201cYou guys need a break,\u201d we said. \u201cYou need to go to this.\u201d They went to the Weekend to Remember and so did their married children.<\/p>\n

An amazing legacy<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Deb and I are very excited that our four children are now believers.\u00a0They have all attended a Weekend to Remember with their spouses; some of them two and three times.\u00a0A couple of years ago Deb and I had the opportunity to meet Dennis Rainey. We told him how our first FamilyLife marriage conference had saved our marriage. \u201cIt\u2019s one thing when you hear these stories [of changed lives] at the end of a conference weekend,\u201d Dennis said, \u201cbut to hear it almost 25 years later \u2026 to see that your children are Christians and they are raising their children in the Spirit of the Lord \u2026 it\u2019s an amazing legacy!\u201d<\/p>\n

What God has done for Deb and me is so tremendous and we are forever grateful. Not too long ago I discovered that all this is an answer to prayers from many years ago.\u00a0I met a lady at my mom\u2019s surprise 70th birthday party. \u201cYou don\u2019t know me,\u201d she said, \u201cbut I am one of the ladies who prayed every day with your mother for your salvation when you were in trouble and getting kicked out of school. Your mother always knew that you would have a wonderful life. We would hold hands and pray for you on our break time at the old sewing factory when you were 12 or 13 years old.\u201d All I could do was cry.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s been more than four decades since Mom and that beautiful lady prayed for a rebellious boy who had no direction for his life. God heard their prayers.<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2009 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Weekend to Remember conference was the turning point for us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":66132,"featured_media":17815,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"A Weekend to Remember conference was the turning point for us.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2883],"tags":[],"equip-category":[],"cwp_profile":[3508],"class_list":["post-9288","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-resurrected-marriages","cwp_profile-sean-oconnell"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2016\/01\/savingamarriage3.jpg","spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"_vc_post_settings":["a:1:{s:10:\"vc_grid_id\";a:0:{}}"],"_startdate":["field_598a655fc5a8d"],"startdate":[""],"_state":["field_598a6575c5a8e"],"state":[""],"_url":["field_598a6582c5a8f"],"url":[""],"_venuename":["field_598a6598c5a90"],"venuename":[""],"_hotel_reservationurl":["field_598a65b3c5a91"],"hotel_reservationurl":[""],"_reservationtelephone":["field_598a65c6c5a92"],"reservationtelephone":[""],"_imageurl":["field_598a65edc5a93"],"imageurl":[""],"_postalcode":["field_598a654b146f3"],"postalcode":[""],"_longitude":["field_598a653e355f6"],"longitude":[""],"_latitude":["field_598a64f8ada01"],"latitude":[""],"_enddate":["field_598a64a5afb90"],"enddate":[""],"_countrycode":["field_598a648b86dcc"],"countrycode":[""],"_city":["field_598a647e29bf2"],"city":[""],"_availableseats":["field_598a646bbebc6"],"availableseats":[""],"_addressline1":["field_598a645214a6b"],"addressline1":[""],"_eventid":["field_598a6442626b9"],"eventid":[""],"_alt_author":["field_5ac3df572642e"],"alt_author":["20211"],"_edit_last":["89"],"_thumbnail_id":["17815"],"_ultimate_layouts_video_link":[""],"_nectar_gallery_slider":["off"],"_nectar_quote_author":[""],"_nectar_quote":[""],"_nectar_link":[""],"_nectar_video_m4v":[""],"_nectar_video_ogv":[""],"_nectar_video_poster":[""],"_nectar_video_embed":[""],"_nectar_audio_mp3":[""],"_nectar_audio_ogg":[""],"_post_item_masonry_sizing":["regular"],"_nectar_header_bg":[""],"_nectar_header_parallax":["off"],"_nectar_header_bg_height":[""],"_nectar_header_bg_color":[""],"_nectar_header_font_color":[""],"_disable_transparent_header":["off"],"_wpb_vc_js_status":["false"],"_at_widget":["1"],"_yoast_wpseo_focuskw_text_input":["marriage"],"_yoast_wpseo_focuskw":["marriage"],"_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":["A Weekend to Remember conference was the turning point for us."],"_yoast_wpseo_linkdex":["64"],"_yoast_wpseo_content_score":["30"],"_yoast_wpseo_focuskeywords":["[]"],"_wp_old_date":["2015-06-01"],"_yoast_wpseo_primary_category":[""],"_eael_post_view_count":["1098"],"_eb_reusable_block_ids":["a:0:{}"],"_seopress_titles_desc":["A Weekend to Remember conference was the turning point for us."],"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":["marriage"],"_edit_lock":["1726263842:81159"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-9288.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-9288.js"]},"meta_box":{"_cloudsearch_visibility":"","profile_obj_manual_select":false,"profile_obj":false,"separator":false,"enable_link":false,"login_restricted":"","content_type":"","disclaimer_banner":"","currency":false,"pricing_subtext":false,"element_type":false,"date_field":false,"date_format":false,"theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":"","series":false,"ignore_sticky":false,"conditional_blocks_category":false,"cta_selection":false},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2016\/01\/savingamarriage3.jpg",1024,320,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Christian Longe","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/christian-longe-95b9f932\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"A Weekend to Remember conference was the turning point for us.","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9288","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/66132"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9288"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9288\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17815"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9288"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9288"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9288"},{"taxonomy":"equip-category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/equip-category?post=9288"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=9288"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}