{"id":92743,"date":"2020-01-22T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-01-22T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=92743"},"modified":"2020-01-22T07:00:00","modified_gmt":"2020-01-22T14:00:00","slug":"the-divorce-announcement-shouldnt-have-surprised-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/troubled-marriage\/saving-a-marriage\/the-divorce-announcement-shouldnt-have-surprised-me\/","title":{"rendered":"The Divorce Announcement Shouldn’t Have Surprised Me"},"content":{"rendered":"
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“When we get back to 1-9-1-5 Martha Drive, we\u2019re done. I\u2019m leaving. We\u2019re through.\u201d My husband growled the unspeakable.<\/p>\n

I felt shocked. Angry. Numb. The divorce announcement promising our marriage dissolving sparked fear inside of me.<\/p>\n

It would\u2019ve been easier if we could slam the door and walk away to cool down a bit. That way, I could decide if he meant it or not.<\/p>\n

The only problem was we were parked on the side of I-40 somewhere in the middle of a 22-hour drive home. I sat crying in the backseat, trying to administer medicine to our 3-month-old who just had her second open-heart surgery five days before.<\/p>\n

Not exactly the easiest place to express\u2014or even believe in\u2014our never-ending love for each other.<\/p>\n

So I don\u2019t know why the divorce announcement came as a surprise to me. Plenty of people had sufficiently warned us.<\/p>\n

Even our daughter’s doctor encouraged us before her birth to consider the impact her health would have on our marriage, too.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is the thing marriages crumble under. This type of life: caring for a chronically-ill child. This type of stress: the surgeries, the hospitalizations, the never knowing if she\u2019ll make it,” he said. “I see it every day. You certainly can stick it out. And I hope you do! That\u2019s why I want you to be aware it\u2019s about to get so much more complicated to make it.\u201d<\/p>\n

The odds we\u2019d split up<\/h2>\n

To be fair, we were working against even more odds.<\/p>\n

Some we knowingly entered marriage with: two sets of divorced homes. Demanding careers.<\/p>\n

Some we inherited that summer: Surprise death of a parent. And now, a chronically-ill second child.<\/p>\n

Any textbook prognosis would define our chance of a lifelong marriage as follows: \u201cbetter sign a good prenup and stay Facebook friends with your high school sweetheart, just in case!\u201d<\/p>\n

But does telling people they probably won\u2019t make it mean they\u2019ll start believing they won\u2019t make it? It\u2019s almost like the perceived stats grant the permission to call it quits.<\/p>\n

Nice try. We knew the divorce announcement would happen eventually. Better luck next time<\/em>.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ll never stay together<\/h2>\n

American couples enter marriage with the idea they only have a 50% chance of making it. That divorce statistic has been drilled into our heads since the 1980s.<\/p>\n

Why go all in on something that probably won\u2019t work?<\/p>\n

But Shaunti Feldhahn says in her book The Good News About Marriage<\/em> that research proves 72% of all married people are still married to their first spouse.<\/p>\n

Too often we sorely under-inform couples of the possibility of marital longevity. Did you know every marriage\u2014even your marriage\u2014has a chance of making it? Of riding out the worst days, when you, too, wonder if your spouse means that divorce threat?<\/p>\n

That\u2019s no matter the odds against you. Or the ones that bombarded your life all in one crazy, defeating summer.<\/p>\n

What if we could make it?<\/h2>\n

When we arrived home from that defining road trip, we decided to see a marriage counselor. Our appointment was over lunch. We didn\u2019t want to put too much time and effort into something that was on its way out.<\/p>\n

But the lunch with the counselor reset our expectations.\u00a0He and his wife had experienced significant hardship, too. They had lost a child. They weren\u2019t supposed to make it either.<\/span><\/p>\n

But guess what? They did. They\u2019re still together. And he told us we could, too. It made us believe it a little bit. Just enough to try to prove which marriage prophecy was right: the divorce announcement or the hope of staying together.<\/p>\n

To be honest, the day-to-day in our marriage is hard just like yours might be: messy floors, burnt dinners. And in our marriage, just like maybe in yours, we’ve encountered much bigger challenges than that.<\/p>\n

Still, the day we said our vows we both actually hoped it would work.<\/em> Just like you and your spouse did. Whether you believed you could make it or not, there was something inside each of you that dreamed of forever.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s not silly, Disney-movie leftovers from a traumatic childhood. That\u2019s God\u2019s good design for marriage working itself out in you.<\/p>\n

In Genesis, God declared that Adam shouldn\u2019t be alone (Genesis 2:18). So He created a gift for Adam in Eve. A partner suited exactly to him. They weren\u2019t told they\u2019d live happily ever after but were called to live faithfully committed to the promises they made.<\/p>\n

Discover your personal marriage score for the 5 habits that lead to lasting love.<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

5 ways we can both beat the odds<\/h2>\n

1. Focus on your commitment to each other …<\/strong><\/p>\n