{"id":9173,"date":"2012-03-26T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-03-26T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9173"},"modified":"2024-11-08T13:28:02","modified_gmt":"2024-11-08T18:28:02","slug":"protecting-your-son-from-aggressive-girls","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/parenting-challenges\/sexual-wholeness\/protecting-your-son-from-aggressive-girls\/","title":{"rendered":"Protecting Your Son From Aggressive Girls"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

One of my primary responsibilities as the father of four daughters was to help protect them from losing their innocence, especially as they approached the adolescent years. As part of this effort, I met and talked with nearly every young man who wanted to go out with my girls. I asked specific questions and challenged these young men to a high standard of purity.<\/p>\n

These experiences led to my book, Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date<\/em><\/a><\/em>, which was published in 2007. I received a lot of positive feedback from appreciative dads, but I also got something that I didn\u2019t expect. Quite a few parents contacted me to say, \u201cI really appreciate the helpful advice for raising daughters, but we really need something to help our sons deal with aggressive girls in this sexually-saturated culture.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read\u00a0this mother\u2019s frustration:<\/p>\n

I have a very outgoing, charming, attractive 15-year-old son. I have literally been chasing the girls away from the door ever since the seventh grade. The phone calls, identified by caller ID, were left for the answering machine to answer. The aggressiveness and promiscuity of young girls nowadays is beyond words. Their dress is so alluring and inviting to a young man, what\u2019s a guy to do? Moreover, what\u2019s a mom to do?<\/em><\/p>\n

Another mother wrote after hearing the FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u00ae broadcast we did on my book:<\/p>\n

After listening to your<\/em> “Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date”<\/em> program today, I\u2019m wondering if you have been on a high school or junior high campus recently. While I agree with your points today, I have a seventh grade son. Let me tell you that the girls are relentless. So aggressive. He\u2019s at a Christian school, and this is a problem. I can only imagine what it may be like elsewhere. Please address this issue.<\/em><\/p>\n

Back when I was growing up, there were some girls who were called \u201cboy crazy,\u201d but very few were as forward and aggressive as what we\u2019re seeing today. Based on my conversation with parents, and what I\u2019ve seen through research on the internet, I think parents are facing some serious challenges. We\u2019re seeing more girls taking the initiative with guys at younger and younger ages and aggressively attempting to lure them into sexual activity. As I\u2019ve done research on the issue, parents are telling me about groups of girls getting together and targeting young men.<\/p>\n

Of course, I\u2019m not talking about all young ladies. But the situation has changed enough in recent years that we need to ask: How can we prepare our teenage sons for dealing with the attention and temptation being thrown at them by some sexually aggressive girls?<\/p>\n

What in the world is happening?<\/strong><\/h5>\n

What is going on in the hearts of some young girls that causes them to be so assertive? I think there are several reasons for what we are seeing:<\/p>\n

First, the culture is supporting it.<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0Movies, television shows, commercials, magazines, books \u2026 they all glamorize sex and intimacy and the right of young women to go after whatever it is they think will make them happy.<\/p>\n

Second, we have a whole generation of young men who are confused in their own sexual identity.<\/strong><\/em> Are they supposed to be sensitive or aggressive? Leaders or helpers? Many young men today are not being taught how to treat a young lady with nobility, dignity, and respect. Many are growing up without a father or male figure to provide guidance. As a result, some of these young men have no idea how they should<\/em> expect to be treated by a real<\/em> young lady.<\/p>\n

Third, the breakdown of the family has resulted in a whole generation of daughters who have been abandoned.<\/strong><\/em> And in the absence of a healthy, emotional attachment to their fathers and mothers, they\u2019re trying to fill their emotional gas tanks with the opposite sex.<\/p>\n

Finally, there\u2019s little or no preparation for adolescence occurring among parents of preteens or early teens.<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0This may be the core problem. When you ask parents of preteens how many of them would like their children to have the same experience they had in adolescence, there aren\u2019t many hands that go up. But those same parents often become increasingly detached as their children move into the adolescent years.<\/p>\n

Protecting your boys<\/strong><\/h5>\n

There are six assumptions you need to make in training and educating your sons in how to handle aggressive girls:<\/p>\n

Assumption #1: Young boys are clueless about a lot of what is going on around them.<\/strong><\/em> They need to be prepared for the reality of today\u2019s world, and this preparation needs to start while they are still boys. This is why I\u2019d suggest that mothers and fathers talk with their 10-\u00a0to 12-year-old sons about how they relate to the opposite sex before they face the temptation. There\u2019s a much greater probability of success if you can have these conversations before the hormones hit.<\/p>\n

Assumption #2: Aggressive girls will likely come into your son\u2019s life.<\/strong><\/em> The problem is that most parents won\u2019t know it, because teenage boys don\u2019t talk about anything. But it could be taking place in your son\u2019s life and he\u2019s just not letting you know, so you have to pursue him in the process.<\/p>\n

Assumption #3: You, as a parent, need a proactive plan.<\/strong><\/em> That plan will involve fathers and sons, but \u2026<\/p>\n

Assumption #4: Moms, that plan needs to involve you.<\/strong><\/em> You know how girls think and you can help your son understand girls in ways that a father can\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Assumption #5: With a son, this instruction, teaching, and call to accountability doesn\u2019t end with the adolescent years. It continues on into adulthood.<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0(And in my opinion, it doesn\u2019t stop after they get married.) Why? Because there are women who are still preying upon men who are married, and every man needs an older man in his life who is asking him \u201cRemember those conversations we had, Son? You\u2019re a married man now, but that does not exempt you from temptation. How are you doing with that?\u201d<\/p>\n

Assumption #6: Your son needs a call to manhood.<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0Ultimately, the call to a young man is to step up and become a noble man, a moral man, a spiritual man, God\u2019s man. You\u2019re going to call your sons as they move through adolescence to step up to maturity and step up to real manhood. And to do that, they need a mother and a father repetitively teaching Scripture and encouraging them as they do take these steps toward maturity.<\/p>\n

I think one of the finest illustrations of this is in Proverbs, chapters 5-7. In this passage, the writer was reflecting back on conversations he had with his son about aggressive women. And over and over he basically says, \u201cListen, my son. Hear my warnings. Embrace what I say, because it\u2019s important.\u201d<\/p>\n

The writer concludes the whole passage by saying, \u201cDon\u2019t fool around with her, Son. Don\u2019t go near her. Because she runs a halfway house to hell, and she has your grave clothes and your coffin, Son. Heads up. This is dangerous stuff we\u2019re talking about here\u201d (my paraphrase of Proverbs 7:24-27).<\/p>\n

One other Scripture your son should be familiar with, and commit to memory, is 2 Timothy 2:22: “Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace,\u00a0with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”<\/p>\n

That passage is equally helpful for young men and young women. And while we\u2019re on the subject, what if you have daughters; how do you keep them from being drawn into this culture of aggressive girls?<\/p>\n

Training your\u00a0daughters<\/strong><\/h5>\n

If you are raising a daughter, there are at least four things you should consider:<\/p>\n

1. Equip your daughter with a biblical, healthy, God-centered perspective of her sexuality.<\/strong><\/em> She needs to understand how her clothes and her behavior affect boys. When girls are too flirty or too friendly with the opposite sex, they need to be told. If you witness this kind of behavior, rehearse it and relive it later on and talk about what it does to guys. Explain what is appropriate in terms of a friendly relationship between a young lady and a young man. This needs to be done without being rude, but we cannot let our daughters get away with being overly friendly or overly aggressive.<\/p>\n

2. Moms, model what you teach to your daughters.<\/strong><\/em> You need to dress appropriately, the way you would want your teenage daughters to dress when they\u2019ve matured. There is a mixed signal that is sent when a mom is telling her daughter to dress conservatively, but her own clothes call too much attention to her body.<\/p>\n

3. Dads, actively love your daughters.<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0Give your daughter words of affection, warm hugs, and gentle kisses that let her know that she\u2019s sweet, you\u2019re her daddy, and that no matter how big she gets and how mature she is, you\u2019re never going to stop giving her those words and those hugs. No matter how threatening that may be as your daughter matures, you need to let her know that there\u2019s a wholesome love through words and affection that occurs within a God-centered family.<\/p>\n

4. Appropriately correct inappropriate behavior<\/strong><\/em>.<\/strong> Pray about how you should instruct her, help her, and correct her. Then begin to train her as to what is appropriate and what isn\u2019t. This could be everything from how she looks at guys, to the makeup she wears, to the clothing she wears.<\/p>\n

One of the most important things I did with our daughters was to go shopping with them. It was important for two reasons: First, it showed me how difficult it was for them to find appropriate clothing that is modest and fashionable; and second, it allowed me to give my approval or disapproval before the purchase was made.<\/p>\n

Whether you\u2019re a mom or dad, and whether you\u2019re raising boys or girls, your children need your love and guidance as never before. They need to be loved when they don\u2019t believe in themselves. They need to be clothed in wisdom that\u00a0morally protects them like armor.<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2008 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/i><\/p>\n

For more help on this topic, order Dennis Rainey’s book\u00a0Aggressive Girls, Clueless Boys: 7 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We’re seeing a surge in girls taking the initiative with guys at younger and younger ages, and aggressively attempting to lure them into sexual 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