{"id":91708,"date":"2019-10-24T12:03:14","date_gmt":"2019-10-24T18:03:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=91708"},"modified":"2019-10-24T12:03:14","modified_gmt":"2019-10-24T18:03:14","slug":"i-feel-you-4-ways-to-understand-our-kids-emotions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/life-issues\/challenges\/mental-and-emotional-issues\/i-feel-you-4-ways-to-understand-our-kids-emotions\/","title":{"rendered":"I Feel You: 4 Ways to Understand our Kids’ Emotions"},"content":{"rendered":"
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We went pumpkin shopping today. But let\u2019s both erase the idyllic moments in our heads, m\u2019kay?<\/p>\n

It started when we popped out of the car (especially for me, as I realized I should have opted for comfort rather than vanity when it came to my shoes). Turns out the local pumpkins from the quaint roadside stand are six times the cost of the grocery store ones. Back in the car.<\/p>\n

The grocery store stands next to a Subway, insidiously piping its scents toward children. And if you give a mouse a pumpkin, he\u2019s going to ask for Subway to go with it. My ankles and my patience wobbled.<\/p>\n

But the grocery store also meant we weren\u2019t going to just buy pumpkins; we, of course, needed to make the most of the trip by purchasing some needed birthday cards. My kids only recommended cards that were inane or crass. Irritation pinched my heart, a lot like the shoes on my feet.<\/p>\n

So it won’t surprise you that heaving our pumpkins into the car was accompanied by a weighty, hormone-infused lecture into which I injected words like \u201centitled!\u201d<\/em> and \u201cinappropriate!\u201d <\/em>complete with italics and jabbing index fingers.<\/p>\n

Beneath that articulate rage? At least two simple emotions: disappointment and fear.<\/p>\n

One more potentially great memory deflated like a whoopie cushion, leaving me with the remnants of what I\u2019d thought was good motherhood. My kids are getting older. I only have a few pumpkin seasons left.<\/p>\n

Like my explosion, I know my kids\u2019 emotions, too, are complex. Rather than the disease, emotions are symptoms.<\/p>\n

In keenly watching those emotions, I learn more about both my kids and myself. More than that, I learn about our hearts.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want my kids\u2019 emotions to run the show.<\/h2>\n

This is definitely true. (Um, despite my own emotions<\/a> seizing the helm after pumpkin-gathering.) We\u2019re training our kids to both listen <\/em>to their souls and preach truth <\/em>to their own hearts. Rather than allowing emotions to steer the boat, we observe the seas, then help kids drop anchor, securing them in God\u2019s truth. It\u2019s a both\/and.<\/p>\n

Watch the Psalmist do both:<\/p>\n

Why are you cast down,<\/em><\/strong> O my soul,<\/em><\/p>\n

    and why are you in turmoil within me?<\/em><\/p>\n

Hope in God; <\/em><\/strong>for I shall again praise him,<\/em><\/p>\n

    my salvation and my God. <\/em>(Psalm 42:11, emphasis added)<\/p>\n

That said, like our car which I took to the shop recently, if I\u2019d duct taped over the warning lights, the problem would\u2019ve gotten worse. I would have been stranded with considerably fewer options (and more expensive ones).<\/p>\n

Similarly, kids\u2019 awareness of emotion helps them deal in healthy ways\u2014hopefully surrendered to God\u2014rather than their emotions backhandedly managing them<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Simply put, problems tend to leak until addressed.<\/p>\n

Ready to get practical? Here are four ideas to help you explore what\u2019s going on under the hood.<\/p>\n

1. Give it some time.<\/h3>\n

Helping kids understand and address emotions isn\u2019t about us tacking on our own perceived labels. We\u2019re trying to help them organize and apply their own labels\u2014red label to red (emotion) folder, blue label to blue folder.<\/p>\n

Give them time to process these emotions. Maybe that means taking time for coloring or play dough for awhile. Or for older kids, grabbing a drink or a small treat. Build some rapport and breathing space before you ask the harder questions.<\/p>\n

2. Watch carefully.<\/h3>\n

Some dashboard lights I watch for:<\/p>\n