{"id":91492,"date":"2019-10-16T14:02:20","date_gmt":"2019-10-16T20:02:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=91492"},"modified":"2025-02-13T13:11:47","modified_gmt":"2025-02-13T18:11:47","slug":"your-dating-questions-answered","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/getting-married\/choosing-a-spouse\/your-dating-questions-answered\/","title":{"rendered":"Your Dating Questions Answered"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\" fetchpriority=\"high\"><\/div><p style=\"padding-top: 30px\">Somewhere between the first date and shopping for an engagement ring lies a land teeming with adventure, discovery, and many unanswered questions. We get it. We\u2019ve been there.<\/p>\n<p>So we compiled a list of 10 questions guys commonly ask and our best answers to these often tricky (and awkward-to-talk-about) situations. We hope this helps you rest easy and enjoy the adventure of your new relationship.<\/p>\n<h2>Do I always have to pay for everything?<\/h2>\n<p>\u201cWho pays?\u201d is an increasingly difficult question for many guys to handle. Approach it incorrectly and we risk falling somewhere between a chauvinist pig and a freeloading good for nothing.<\/p>\n<p>While you don\u2019t always have to pay, you should be able and willing to. When you pay you:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>communicate value.<\/li>\n<li>establish a pattern of servant leadership.<\/li>\n<li>learn to put her needs above your own.<\/li>\n<li>are reminded of the costs associated with caring for another person.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If your girlfriend wants to treat you to a nice date, by all means, accept her gift. After all, who pays for what is not nearly as important as the attitude the use of money exposes. Talk to your girlfriend and discuss expectations.<\/p>\n<p>If you are unable to pay, consider if you\u2019re trying to impress her with outings beyond your means. If so, don\u2019t be afraid to scale your plans back. A picnic can be just as much fun as an expensive dinner.<\/p>\n<h2>Can I keep my female friends?<\/h2>\n<p>It is possible to maintain close opposite-sex friendships, but there must be clearly understood boundaries in place to keep anyone from getting hurt.<\/p>\n<p>Physical attraction is more fluid than most people think. Just because you are not attracted to a person today, does not mean attraction will not develop tomorrow. Most people who cheat don\u2019t see the attraction building until it is too late.<\/p>\n<p>Avoid spending time alone with other girls and talking about personal matters. This can create emotional bonds. Save those conversations for your guy friends.<\/p>\n<p>Talk openly with your girlfriend about boundaries you both want to set up and why. Remember, this isn\u2019t about controlling each other\u2019s friendships as much as it is figuring out the best ways to honor and protect your relationship.<\/p>\n<h2>How do I know if she is REALLY a believer?<\/h2>\n<p>This is a foundational question, but it can sometimes be the hardest to determine. Some people just know all the right answers, especially if they\u2019ve grown up in the church. While you don\u2019t want your conversations to feel like an interrogation, you\u2019ll need to keep investigating until you can uncover the truth.<\/p>\n<p>Whenever you bring up God in your conversations, notice how she reacts. Is she receptive, or does she go into her shell and change the subject? Do her behaviors match her stated beliefs?&nbsp; Can you see any <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Galatians+5%3A22-23&amp;version=ESV\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">spiritual fruit<\/a>? Does she love others well? Is she growing in her faith?<\/p>\n<p>Keep in mind there is a difference between knowing things about Jesus, and being a follower of Him. (See <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=James+2%3A19&amp;version=ESV\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">James 2:19<\/a>)<\/p>\n<h2>How do I deal with clinginess?<\/h2>\n<p>In the early days of the relationship, it feels good to have someone need us. It validates our worth. The problem is our earthly relationships were never meant to determine our worth or fill all of our needs. Only God can do that. When someone starts looking to you as the answer to every question, there\u2019s a problem.<\/p>\n<p>If you are asking this question, it may be a sign you are being asked to fulfill a role you were never designed to fill.<\/p>\n<p>If you sense that is the case, try gently encouraging her to strengthen her relationship with God and with other girls. Joining a women\u2019s Bible study could be a way for her to achieve both of those goals. As she learns to rely more on God and other women, you may notice the feelings of \u201cclinginess\u201d decrease.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes however, what looks like clinginess is just an attempt to show affection. Your girlfriend may simply speak a <a href=\"\/podcast\/familylife-today\/speaking-your-wifes-love-language\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">love language<\/a> you are not familiar with. If that\u2019s the case, thank her for her efforts, and talk to each other about the ways you most feel loved.<\/p>\n<p>And if you\u2019re the one who\u2019s clingy, these same principles apply to you. (Except, no, you cannot join a women\u2019s Bible study.)<\/p>\n<h2>Is she the one for me?<\/h2>\n<p>This is an important question to ask and one you will want to keep asking as your dating relationship progresses. While there is no such thing as a \u201cperfect match,\u201d the overall trajectory of your lives should be heading in similar directions.<\/p>\n<p>For example, if she doesn\u2019t want to get married one day, then should you really be dating her?<\/p>\n<p>Also, do you want to have kids, but she doesn\u2019t? Do you crave an adventurous lifestyle while she thrives on routine? What if she feels called to be an overseas missionary, and you have absolutely no desire to do so?<\/p>\n<p>It can be difficult to address possible barriers to your relationship, but it is wise to think about these things and process them with her. If your lives are heading in different directions, it\u2019s better to find out sooner rather than later.<\/p>\n<div class=\"fl-article-cta\"><div class=\"fl-article-cta-wrapper\"><a class='fl-article-cta-button' style='margin-top: 15px; visibility: visible; background-color: #f3bd48 !important;' target='_blank' href='https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/stepping-up\/about\/' data-color-override='false' data-hover-color-override='false' data-hover-text-color-override='#fff'><span>Calling Men to Courageous Manhood<i class='fa fas fa-bullseye'><\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n<h2>Can I still hang out with the guys?<\/h2>\n<p>You\u2019ll (inevitably) find yourself spending less time with your friends now that you\u2019re dating someone new. It\u2019s natural. The important thing is to let your friends know that even though some things might change, you still value their friendship. It will be hard to have a successful, long-term relationship with your girlfriend without their counsel and support.<\/p>\n<p>Talk to your girlfriend about what a guys\u2019 night might look like in your relationship. If your girlfriend gets along with your friends, even better! Hang out as a group sometimes.<\/p>\n<h2>What if my girlfriend doesn\u2019t like my friends?<\/h2>\n<p>Spend time with your buddy, and you have a fight with your girlfriend. Avoid your buddy to keep the peace, and you can\u2019t shake the feeling that a small piece of you has died. No one wants to be in a position where they have to choose between a longstanding friend and a girlfriend, yet sometimes that\u2019s what it feel like. What do you do?<\/p>\n<p>Much of this depends on your ability to listen well and not get defensive. You will need to discern if her objections are motivated by excessive clinginess and jealousy, or if she sees something in your friends that you can\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>Remember, God created Eve to be Adam\u2019s helper. There is a chance your girlfriend is simply trying to live out that role and help you be your best. Look closely at your friendship.&nbsp; Does spending time with your friend bring out your best or your worst?&nbsp; Does it help you become more like Christ or cause you to compromise your integrity?<\/p>\n<p>If she\u2019s wrong in her assessment, encourage her to spend time with you and your friend to get to know him better. But if she\u2019s right, have the courage to listen to her advice.<\/p>\n<h2>How do I resolve conflict with my girlfriend?<\/h2>\n<p>The best way to handle conflicts is to:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>pray for wisdom (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=James+1%3A5&amp;version=ESV\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">James 1:5<\/a>).<\/li>\n<li>be quick to listen and slow to speak (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=James+1%3A19&amp;version=ESV\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">James 1:19<\/a>).<\/li>\n<li>consider her needs before considering your own (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Philippians+2%3A3-4&amp;version=ESV\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Philippians 2:3-4<\/a>).<\/li>\n<li>be honest about your feelings (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Ephesians+4%3A25&amp;version=ESV\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Ephesians 4:25<\/a>).<\/li>\n<li>be quick to forgive (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Matthew+6%3A14-15&amp;version=ESV\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Matthew 6:14-15<\/a>).<\/li>\n<li>gently point out damaging behaviors (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Galatians+6%3A1&amp;version=ESV\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Galatians 6:1<\/a>).<\/li>\n<li>seek help if needed (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Matthew+18%3A15-17&amp;version=ESV\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Matthew 18:15-17<\/a>).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>What are some red flags I should watch out for?<\/h2>\n<p>Everyone has conflicts. What matters is how you handle them. Name-calling, disrespect, hurtful insults, threats, and physical violence have no place in a relationship. Arguments should not be won through force or manipulation. Even if your girlfriend shows remorse, be careful. Such behavior usually only gets worse over time. If you don\u2019t see her remorse lead to change, it might be time to rethink the relationship.<\/p>\n<h2>When do we talk about the future?<\/h2>\n<p>Talking about your desires for the future is a natural part of getting to know each other. So go ahead and talk about career goals, where you would like to live, and if you see yourself with a large family one day. All of these are fine. The only time conversations like these get awkward is when one person begins to feel cornered into making premature commitments.<\/p>\n<p>Remember, your purpose in these conversations is to know each other better, not to push the relationship to move faster than it should.<\/p>\n<h2>How do I know if I should break up with her?<\/h2>\n<p>There are many reasons you might break up with someone: faith incompatibility, red flags, bad timing, communication issues, behavioral problems, cheating, or even a simple lack of interest.<\/p>\n<p>It can be hard to face this kind of decision, but it\u2019s important to explore your doubts. If this is not a good relationship for you to be in, it\u2019s better for you to figure that out now rather than later down the road.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re unsure, give yourself time to figure out what you want to do. Talk to your friends, family, and God about your doubts and concerns. Don\u2019t let the fear of being alone keep you in a bad relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Breaking up may feel like a catastrophe, but dating is very different from marriage. You don\u2019t need to feel like you should have made it work. If it doesn\u2019t work, it doesn\u2019t work.<\/p>\n<p>Remember, dating is about investigating if this relationship has a future. If you no longer think it does, it\u2019s okay. You gave it a shot! You can walk away with integrity.<\/p>\n<h2>If I decide to break up with her, how do I do it well?<\/h2>\n<p>It may be one of the hardest things you\u2019ve ever had to do, but it\u2019s important to show you respect her enough to talk to her in person. Never break up with someone over text. Even if she has hurt you, you want to be respectful toward her.<\/p>\n<p>Before having this conversation, try to give her some indication you\u2019ll be talking to her about something difficult. It may not seem like much, but do your best to affirm her during the conversation.<\/p>\n<p>Being rejected is hard! And being the one to break the heart of another is hard too. Be honest with your reason for the breakup, even if that reason is simply your feelings aren\u2019t there anymore. Whatever it is, own it. Give her time to respond to what you are saying and offer as much closure as possible.<\/p>\n<p>When it\u2019s over, let it be over. Continuing to text and hang out together may seem like the kind thing to do, but it will only serve to draw out the pain. Besides, getting married one day and still being friends with every girl you ever dated is asking for trouble.<\/p>\n<hr>\n<p><em>Copyright \u00a9 2019 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ten questions guys commonly ask and our best answers to these often tricky (and awkward-to-talk-about) situations.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":364,"featured_media":91600,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"Ten questions guys commonly ask and our best answers to these often tricky (and awkward-to-talk-about) 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