{"id":9131,"date":"2012-03-26T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-03-26T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9131"},"modified":"2012-03-26T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-03-26T00:00:00","slug":"7-marks-of-a-hurried-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/parenting-challenges\/frazzled-family\/7-marks-of-a-hurried-family\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Marks of a Hurried Family"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Over the past few decades, I\u2019ve watched the speed at which we live our lives shift from second gear into overdrive. But since few people these days have driven a stick shift, how about this analogy? We\u2019re running at mach 2 with our hair on fire.<\/p>\n

While counseling individuals and couples, I\u2019ve observed at least seven characteristics that mark hurried families. Separately, these characteristics are toxic. Combine them and they\u2019re deadly. They kill the faith, joy, and love needed for a family to stay calm and connected.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d like you to join me for a stroll down a street in a typical suburban American neighborhood. The houses are cloned by architects; the families, by a hurried culture.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ll stop by seven homes for a closer look. As we peer through the windows, don\u2019t be too surprised if you catch a glimpse of your own family.<\/p>\n

The Baileys: Can\u2019t relax<\/h2>\n

Meet the Baileys … if you can. It\u2019s hard to get to know them because their schedule doesn\u2019t allow them much time to cultivate close friendships. But they do have a lot of acquaintances. They meet them through the numerous projects that make up their day.<\/p>\n

Frank, a salesman, sets the pace. He\u2019s so used to a crowded schedule that he feels guilty when he isn\u2019t in motion. He belongs to two civic clubs (they\u2019re great for networking), oversees the United Way fund drive every year, coaches soccer, plays racquetball twice a week, trains for an annual marathon, teaches junior high Sunday school, and maintains a beautifully landscaped yard. His latest toy is a cell phone that also gives Frank constant access to his text messages, e-mail, family photo albums, and 40 gigs of rock and roll.<\/p>\n

His wife, Leslie, works part-time. That way she has plenty of time left over to be busy. Leslie is always creating new projects. It\u2019s interesting to visit their house once a year to see all the changes she has made. \u201cRedecorating is the way I relax,\u201d she says. Like her husband, Leslie is committed to physical fitness and civic improvements. She works out every day, publishes a blog on important political and social issues, and volunteers several hours a week with her political party. The only time her neighbors get to visit with her is when she knocks on their door with yet another petition.<\/p>\n

The Bailey kids are busy being president of this and captain of that. They seldom have time to get in trouble. Most parents would love to have them as their children.<\/p>\n

The Baileys are the envy of the neighborhood. On the surface they look ideal, but their industrious veneer hides one of the standard marks of a hurried family: they can\u2019t relax.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not that they don\u2019t relax; it\u2019s that they can\u2019t, even when they try.<\/p>\n

The Grahams: Can\u2019t enjoy quiet<\/h2>\n

You know when you\u2019re nearing the Grahams\u2019 residence because of the sounds blaring from behind their walls. It\u2019s hard to tell exactly what the music is, however, because of the way the various styles collide as they emanate from different rooms. The Grahams\u2019 house is a confluence of conflicting entertainment.<\/p>\n

As you walk in the front door, you notice the television talking to itself in the family room. Nobody\u2019s watching it. The latest video game blasts from their 13-year-old\u2019s room while rap music keeps up its nonstop cadence from somewhere deep in their 16-year-old\u2019s bedroom. Janet Graham is talking on the phone through a wireless headset while tossing a salad for tonight\u2019s dinner. From her vantage point in the kitchen, she keeps an eye on the HDTV blaring from the wall behind the dining room.<\/p>\n

Gordon Graham loves romantic jazz. You can usually hear Diana Krall before you can see Gordon\u2019s car. He likes to eat as soon as he arrives home. Tonight will be no exception. The family will gather in the dining room for supper. As usual, they will find out more about the lives of the characters on some reality TV show than their own.<\/p>\n

Every Graham sleeps with his or her iPod on. Their bodies slumber, but their spirits do not rest. They\u2019re a sad example of the second mark of a hurried family: they can\u2019t enjoy quiet.<\/p>\n

The Joneses: Never satisfied<\/h2>\n

You can\u2019t help being impressed by the two-story plantation-style house about halfway down the street. It\u2019s the largest and most beautifully manicured home in the community. That\u2019s the Joneses, You know them\u2014they\u2019re the ones everyone is trying to keep up with.<\/p>\n

Brian Jones is a professional landscaper. Sharon Jones is a professional shopper. She boasts that she graduated magna cum Visa. She also sells real estate. Both husband and wife enjoy the same hobbies\u2014reading catalogs and shopping online. Sharon\u2019s best friends are her two daughters, Molly and Mindy. They spend most of the time working on their friendship at the mall, and they never come home empty-handed.<\/p>\n

Michael, their youngest child, is preoccupied with upgrading. He is upgrading his bike, his computer, his skateboard, his image, and his friends. He\u2019s a chip off the new and improved block.<\/p>\n

The Joneses telegraph the third mark of a hurried family. But contrary to what you might think, it\u2019s not materialism. With the economic blessings the average American family enjoys, most homes today would be considered materialistic. The Jones family is badgered by a far more serious and subtle enemy: the Joneses are never satisfied. They aren\u2019t satisfied with what they have, where they are, or who they are.<\/p>\n

The Gardners: An absence of absolutes<\/h2>\n

The only thing you can be certain of with the Gardners is their uncertainty. They display an overwhelming lack of permanence in their family, and they have a hard time imagining life beyond the moment. Their home is a collection of unfinished projects, cluttered with unneeded items bought on impulse and often in dire need of repair. They are great at<\/p>\n