{"id":91233,"date":"2019-10-16T13:13:46","date_gmt":"2019-10-16T19:13:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=91233"},"modified":"2024-10-21T12:56:45","modified_gmt":"2024-10-21T16:56:45","slug":"raising-kids-in-outrage-culture","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/raising-kids-in-outrage-culture\/","title":{"rendered":"Raising Kids in Outrage Culture"},"content":{"rendered":"
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For a few years, my family and I lived in Africa. Which is to say, I was pleasantly insulated from American media outrage culture. As an additional bonus, this was accompanied by zero celebrity commentary.<\/p>\n

But I also didn\u2019t have a clue how easily it had become to offend.<\/p>\n

I sheepishly admit to posting something highly insensitive regarding my giddiness about missing the skinny jeans fad. (Me in skinny jeans = apple on two toothpicks.)<\/p>\n

Bad idea.<\/p>\n

You would not believe how people defended skinnies. I imagine it was like one would defend the honor of a grandmother in liver failure.<\/p>\n

This was prior to the 2016 U.S. election. It was before America chose sides as if the entire country were getting a divorce. (You know, snatching what\u2019s theirs, then shouting at each other in ALL CAPS. With a lot of colorful @#$% thrown in.)<\/p>\n

We laugh. But all of us know outrage culture is real. Wikipedia defines \u201coutrage culture\u201d as \u201ca form of public shaming that aims to hold individuals and groups accountable by calling attention to behavior that is perceived to be problematic, usually on social media.\u201d<\/p>\n

So what\u2019s the big deal? Outrage culture is becoming just that: culture. A way of responding to one another that cultivates pride in offense, virtue in untethered fury and unmitigated consequence.<\/p>\n

Why not to be all the rage<\/h2>\n

What if our anger isn\u2019t bringing about more of what’s right, but more of what\u2019s wrong instead?<\/p>\n

Power feels comforting when held by those who share our opinions.\u00a0Regarding outrage culture, HuffPost warns, \u201cProductive discourse is dying, trampled over by closed minds who value comfortable opinion-holding over uncomfortable soul-searching.\u201d<\/p>\n

Consider propaganda before World War II. It offered a single commentary or perspective on news. Then exaggerated news till it wasn\u2019t really news. A bigger nose there, a sweeping statement there.\u00a0An \u201cenemy\u201d people group extinguished there.<\/p>\n

To its credit, outrage culture gives a voice to anyone. And not just about skinny jeans. You could be a 23-year-old snuggled up to an XBox in your parents\u2019 basement. You could be wearing an orange jumpsuit. You could be an evangelical Christian mom in yoga pants during naptime.<\/p>\n

And you could be a megaphone-brandishing agent of change.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s why our kids could easily be sucked into outrage culture. Rage grants an illusory feeling of power and influence\u2014especially in the midst of fear. As a mom slowly introducing my three teenagers into the hurricane of social media, I understand the pull of outrage culture. My sons feel powerless and concerned amid sweeping cultural changes. Everyone else, including many role models, are fearful and furious. Why not them?<\/p>\n

Other reasons why outrage succeeds:<\/p>\n

Anonymity = no community<\/h2>\n

Throughout history, the anonymity of masks have muted inhibition.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the reason we\u2019re more likely to commit violence in the dark, in the protective mass of a mob, or in a city rather than the small town where everybody knows dad\u2019s dry cleaning business. Even sunglasses make us less generous.<\/p>\n

Community\u2014knowing each other, holding each other accountable, simply in that knowing\u2014removes the sunglasses.<\/p>\n

The anonymity of the internet grants brazenness without vulnerability. Enough voices and you\u2019ve got a mob of faceless dictators.<\/p>\n

Remind kids to restrict comments to something they\u2019d respectfully say to someone\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

Outrage = clicks<\/h2>\n

Any marketing advice worth its salt will tell you consumers are distracted. Headlines compete for traffic, money, and popularity.<\/p>\n

Writers gain the most clicks by instigating emotion.\u00a0Be it curiosity, compassion, outrage, earnestness, or the possibility of a good laugh. Negative superlatives get more than 63% greater clicks than their counterparts. Consider \u201c6 ways to love your husband\u201d vs. \u201c6 ways to make sure your husband loathes you.\u201d Negative headlines also feel more believable and create urgency.<\/p>\n

Outrage = identity<\/h2>\n

Choosing one\u2019s areas of personal offense feels as defining as choosing a drink at Starbucks. (\u201cI\u2019d like a venti cup of pro-life, pro-environment, anti-spanking, #metoo, extra hot.\u201d) As society polarizes, social media algorithms seat us solidly in our own divided, digital echo chambers<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Kicking out rage<\/h2>\n

God did <\/em>create anger as an instrument for change. Anger activates, propelling us to do something. <\/em>Picture Jesus\u2019 anger in the temple. Or toward the bullies of God\u2019s people, the Pharisees.<\/p>\n

But He also gave us fair warnings. Psalm 37:8 warns, \u201cRefrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.\u201d Or James\u2019 reminder that \u201cthe anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God\u201d (1:20).<\/p>\n

Anger is like fire: without it, things die. Food goes raw; winter homes freeze; historical humanity wonders in darkness its dangers. But out of control, fire incinerates entire homes, forests, cities\u2014bringing death.<\/p>\n

So how can we help kids restrict anger\u2019s use to a slow, controlled burn?<\/p>\n

1. Start with controlling anger at home.<\/h2>\n

Our closest relationships form the training ground. Kids are watching to see how we handle anger. How to respond to a sibling who throws out insults like candy at a parade. How they\u2019re allowed to speak to us in moments of passion.<\/p>\n

You might start with principles like what I call the “4:29 Rule” (as in, Ephesians 4:29). Even when they’re angry, are their words:<\/p>\n