{"id":9052,"date":"2012-07-11T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-07-11T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9052"},"modified":"2012-07-11T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-07-11T00:00:00","slug":"friend-or-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/essentials\/mothers\/friend-or-mom\/","title":{"rendered":"Friend or Mom"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

A recent study revealed that 43 percent of today\u2019s parents are seeking acceptance and friendship from their teens. Forty percent of these parents surveyed said they would buy their children everything they wanted to accomplish their primary objective: to be their child\u2019s best friend. In theory this sounds like a good plan. Who doesn\u2019t want their child to like them? To share private thoughts as a friend would? To hang out? To have deep, meaningful conversations and friendly fun?<\/p>\n

But there\u2019s an unintended byproduct to this desire: in order to maintain a position of friendship one must abdicate a position of authority. Friends are generally not instructional. Friendship does not discipline, set rules, protect, give insight, and seldom challenges incorrect acts. Parenting does. Friends don\u2019t generally inspire and motivate you to become more in life. Parents do. By desiring to be a member of the friendship club these parents are missing a significant reality. A child will have many friends, but as parents, we\u2019re it.<\/p>\n

Whether you are a birth parent, a foster parent, an adoptive parent, or a stepparent, the privileged role you play in your daughter\u2019s life is exclusive. You are not part of the team; you are the coach. You are singularly the most influential person in your daughter\u2019s life.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t stress enough how important this job is. No one can replace your role and make an impact on your girl the way you can. This relationship is vital. Without it, the effects on your daughter will be immense and will last forever. Does this bring fear? Indeed it should. But don\u2019t let that thought paralyze you. Motherhood is a manageable task\u00a0 if you stay the course. And just wait\u2014at times it\u2019ll even be inspiring when you, as the coach, see your daughter make that winning play.<\/p>\n

For all of you mothers, like myself, who experienced days (or months or years) of relational panic with your daughters, I have a wonderful piece of \u201cafter the fact\u201d knowledge to give you hope. There will be times when you will wonder if your daughter will ever become your friend if you\u2019re an effective coach. You\u2019ll watch that daughter storm off toward her room and desperately wonder, Will she hate me forever? Am I always going to be the one who just doesn\u2019t understand?<\/em><\/p>\n

Real-life experience with both my daughters taught me that neither of those fears is real. If you\u2019re committed to being a great mom and you maintain the position of coach that you daughter needs (whether she wants to admit it or not), you\u2019ll become her friend. And the relationship formed will be a much deeper, more meaningful one than she\u2019ll have with her peers. The kind of relationship transcending time, distance, and life obstacles. A relationship that runs so strong your heart will thrill with what you and your daughter mean to each other.<\/p>\n

The mother who performs her duties from a fearful, pacifying place, always trying to be her daughter\u2019s friend, will never have the privilege of experiencing this profound relationship because the daughter will never develop a healthy respect for her mother. But the mother who holds firm to the position of coach? She\u2019ll experience lifelong benefits!<\/p>\n

\n

Adapted from <\/i>Help Wanted: Moms Raising Daughters, \u00a9 2011 Darlene Brock.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What are you going to do with the influence you have in your daughter\u2019s life?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":51,"featured_media":8742,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2838],"tags":[],"equip-category":[],"cwp_profile":[3146],"class_list":["post-9052","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","cwp_profile-darlene-brock"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2018\/04\/Parenting1040x326-Default-graphic.jpg","spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"_vc_post_settings":["a:1:{s:10:\"vc_grid_id\";a:0:{}}"],"_startdate":["field_598a655fc5a8d"],"startdate":[""],"_state":["field_598a6575c5a8e"],"state":[""],"_url":["field_598a6582c5a8f"],"url":[""],"_venuename":["field_598a6598c5a90"],"venuename":[""],"_hotel_reservationurl":["field_598a65b3c5a91"],"hotel_reservationurl":[""],"_reservationtelephone":["field_598a65c6c5a92"],"reservationtelephone":[""],"_imageurl":["field_598a65edc5a93"],"imageurl":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/04\/Parenting1040x326-Default-graphic.jpg"],"_postalcode":["field_598a654b146f3"],"postalcode":[""],"_longitude":["field_598a653e355f6"],"longitude":[""],"_latitude":["field_598a64f8ada01"],"latitude":[""],"_enddate":["field_598a64a5afb90"],"enddate":[""],"_countrycode":["field_598a648b86dcc"],"countrycode":[""],"_city":["field_598a647e29bf2"],"city":[""],"_availableseats":["field_598a646bbebc6"],"availableseats":[""],"_addressline1":["field_598a645214a6b"],"addressline1":[""],"_eventid":["field_598a6442626b9"],"eventid":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["8742"],"_alt_author":["field_5ac3df572642e"],"alt_author":["14370"],"_eael_post_view_count":["1222"],"_eb_reusable_block_ids":["a:0:{}"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-9052.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-9052.js"]},"meta_box":{"_cloudsearch_visibility":"","profile_obj_manual_select":false,"profile_obj":false,"separator":false,"enable_link":false,"login_restricted":"","content_type":"","disclaimer_banner":"","currency":false,"pricing_subtext":false,"element_type":false,"date_field":false,"date_format":false,"theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":"","series":false,"ignore_sticky":false,"conditional_blocks_category":false,"cta_selection":false},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2018\/04\/Parenting1040x326-Default-graphic.jpg",1024,320,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"WordPress Admin","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/wordpress-admin-8eb48bc8\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What are you going to do with the influence you have in your daughter\u2019s life?","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9052","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/51"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9052"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9052\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8742"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9052"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9052"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9052"},{"taxonomy":"equip-category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/equip-category?post=9052"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=9052"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}