{"id":9012,"date":"2012-03-23T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-03-23T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=9012"},"modified":"2012-03-23T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-03-23T00:00:00","slug":"stepping-up-as-a-dad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/essentials\/fathers\/stepping-up-as-a-dad\/","title":{"rendered":"Stepping Up as a Dad"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

A few years ago, my son Ben and I had the opportunity to go to a World Series game in St. Louis. It was awesome to see my beloved Cardinals square off against the Detroit Tigers.<\/p>\n

The Cards won 5\u20130 (and went on to win the Series in five games), but the highlight from that evening\u2019s experience was when my friend Chip turned and asked my son, \u201cHow would you describe your dad in one word?\u201d Watching Ben think for a moment, I quietly speculated about what he might say. I was hoping it would be some noble character quality like \u201cloving\u201d or \u201ckind\u201d or \u201cforgiving.\u201d<\/p>\n

Instead, my grown son\u2019s one-word conclusion of me was \u201cintentional.\u201d<\/p>\n

I sat there stunned.<\/p>\n

Intentional? <\/em><\/p>\n

If you\u2019d given me a dictionary and a couple of days, I\u2019d never have chosen that word! I looked at my son and thought, You were number two in your class in high school, student body president, intelligent \u2026 Is that the best you can do?<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben explained to Chip, \u201cDad was always purposeful about being a father\u2014always teaching and training us. He tried not to leave anything to just happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now that I\u2019ve had some time to chew on it\u2014and now that others in the family have weighed in and confirmed it\u2014I\u2019ve concluded that \u201cintentional\u201d is not a bad description. I think I realized early on that raising my children was going to be my greatest contribution to a time that I would not see. As a result, I needed to step up as a father and become very intentional in what Barbara and I taught them and in what I modeled to them.<\/p>\n

Fortunately, I had a great \u201cintentional\u201d model of my own\u2014Hook Rainey.<\/p>\n

A\u00a0big dad in a small town<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Boyhood was pretty simple for me growing up in Ozark, Missouri. I think one reason it was so secure was that even though I lived in a small town, I had a big dad. Not in personality or size, but in character. Some boys never have that. I\u2019m glad I did.<\/p>\n

My dad was a quiet man with granite-like integrity. He lived his entire life a few miles from the log cabin where he was born. He was barely a teenager, and one of nine children, when his father deserted the family, leaving them dirt poor. All this took place in an era when abandonment was considered unmanly and divorce was unacceptable.<\/p>\n

Looking back on it all, I wonder how Dad figured out how to be a man. He could easily have been a victim and become bitter and angry. Forced to grow up early, Dad took care of his mom and his brothers and sisters for a number of years. Somehow he managed to graduate from high school and scrape together enough money to start a service station.<\/p>\n

Dad loved baseball. I learned later that he was a legendary country pitcher in those parts. A lefty, he was tagged with the nickname \u201cHook\u201d because he evidently had a wicked curveball\u2014the only thing about his life that was crooked.\u00a0He was so good that he played in the St. Louis Cardinals farm-club system and even pitched a game against Hall of Fame pitcher Dizzy Dean.<\/p>\n

My dad not only had a sneaky curveball; he also knew how to keep a secret. One day during the Depression, when his family wasn\u2019t looking, he and my mother eloped one weekend and went to the Kentucky Derby for a two-day honeymoon. And although I recall one argument they had when I was a boy, I really never questioned my dad\u2019s love and loyalty for my mom. They were married 44 years until his death.<\/p>\n

Dad taught me how to throw a curve, a slider, and a knuckleball. His knuckler was mystical. As the ball would glide to me, he\u2019d laugh and say, \u201cCount the stitches, Son \u2026 count the stitches!\u201d I\u2019d chuckle with him as the ball floated and darted toward me. It was all I could do to catch that fluttering ball.<\/p>\n

A bundle of memories about time with Dad now bring a smile to my face. Hunting deer and quail and fishing for white bass. His sixth-grade boys Sunday school class. Old Spice aftershave and Lava hand soap. And falling asleep together with his arm around me on a Saturday afternoon as we watched the \u201cGame of the Week\u201d on television. I can still feel the hair from his arm against my boyish cheek, and I can almost smell the propane on his hands from that morning\u2019s delivery.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t recall a single sermon that he ever preached to me when I was a boy, yet Dad taught me life. He was a living message. Authentic. Humble. He didn\u2019t like \u201cbraggarts\u201d or \u201cblowhards,\u201d as he called them. He was faithful, honest, loyal, and kind. A man who took his responsibilities seriously. And I can count the curse words that ever came from his lips on one hand.<\/p>\n

Dad coached our little league baseball team, the Ozark Tigers, for three seasons. I was only 10 when we played our first game against a well-seasoned group of veterans called the Early Birds. I didn\u2019t realize it then, but it was a classic David and Goliath showdown. I was starting pitcher, and I think we were behind 12\u20130 in the first inning when Dad moved me to right field. The league didn\u2019t have a mercy rule, but they did have a time limit, and the game only lasted three innings. We didn\u2019t get a hit, and the final score was 22\u20130.<\/p>\n

But Dad never gave up on us. He taught us the basics, and slowly he turned me into a pitcher and a bunch of country boys into a competitive team. I have a team photo that hangs in my office to record what we accomplished. Two years later we made it to the semifinals in the play-offs \u2026 and sure enough, our opponent was the Early Birds.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure they were licking their chops to play us again, but it wasn\u2019t quite the game they expected. It was competitive until the last play in the bottom of the last inning. We had a chance to win, but the Early Birds prevailed again, 3\u20132.<\/p>\n

I was crushed that we lost. But now, over half a century later, I have a different view of that game. As I sit and stare at the team photo, it doesn\u2019t matter that we lost. What matters is that my dad was in the picture \u2026 not just for three seasons, but for my life.<\/p>\n

He gave me a lot of gifts, but the best gift Hook Rainey ever gave me was that he never stopped believing in me. And when he died in 1976 at the age of 66, nearly half of our town of 1,325 people came to honor him. One man, speaking of my dad\u2019s integrity, said, \u201cI never heard a negative word about Hook Rainey.\u201d<\/p>\n

Even now, his presence is imprinted on my life. Back in the fall of 2007, my friend Randy invited me to go bow-hunting for elk on his Montana ranch. As I started my hunt, slipping around junipers in search of a trophy, I heard the words Dad said to me many times as a boy: \u201cSlow down, Son. Slow down.\u201d<\/p>\n

Much of what I am today is because I had a father who stepped up as a man and stepped into my life. He was more than somebody\u2019s dad. He was my dad.<\/p>\n

A father, a son, and a lesson<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Bob Helvey, one of my colleagues here at FamilyLife, tells a great story about another father who stepped up and was intentional in training his son. When Bob was 10, he was a paperboy, and on one cold Virginia night, a gust of wind knocked him off his bike. Then he watched in shock as his bundle of newspapers came apart and blew away.<\/p>\n

At that point, this boy had a choice: He could step up, be responsible, and retrieve all the papers, or he could give up and go home.<\/p>\n

Bob did what boys do\u2014he pedaled home.<\/p>\n

When he arrived, his father said, \u201cYou sure finished your paper route early.\u201d Bob explained what had happened, and then his father said, \u201cGet your coat, Son, and meet me in the car.\u201d<\/p>\n

They drove to the scene of the crime, and Bob felt some satisfaction when he didn\u2019t see any newspaper pages on the ground. But his dad parked and told Bob to follow him. They walked to a nearby house, where they were greeted by a man who invited them inside. There Bob was confronted with an amazing sight\u2014an entire room full of newspaper pages! With hardly a word, the two men helped the young boy piece every newspaper back together. Then Bob proceeded to complete his paper route with his father as chauffeur.<\/p>\n

That character lesson was so powerful that Bob wrote about it 40 years later in a tribute to his father. \u201cIt was a little annoying that Dad didn\u2019t give me a lecture,\u201d Bob wrote. \u201cHe knew he didn\u2019t have to. The everlasting warmth I felt of a difficult task completed, a duty fulfilled, was its own mentor.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bob wondered how his dad had known just where to go that day. Years later he learned that, after the accident, the neighbor had called his father to complain about his \u201cgood for nothing\u201d son. \u201cTogether they conspired to teach a young boy a lifelong lesson,\u201d Bob wrote. \u201cIt worked. The neighbor must have been a father too.\u201d<\/p>\n

God gives us a unique opportunity as fathers to join Him in what has to be one of the most noble, transcendent assignments we\u2019ll ever have as men: He gives us the privilege of joining with Him in shaping the next generation of men.\u00a0But we won\u2019t fulfill those responsibilities unless we\u2019re willing to step up and be intentional in how we raise our sons.<\/p>\n

\n

Adapted by permission from<\/i> Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood<\/a>, copyright \u00a9 2011 by Dennis Rainey. Published by FamilyLife Publishing.<\/i><\/p>\n

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I realized I needed to be intentional in raising my children. 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