{"id":89994,"date":"2019-08-29T16:02:40","date_gmt":"2019-08-29T21:02:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=89994"},"modified":"2019-08-29T16:02:40","modified_gmt":"2019-08-29T21:02:40","slug":"what-college-students-want-parents-to-know","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/essentials\/releasing-your-child\/what-college-students-want-parents-to-know\/","title":{"rendered":"What College Students Want Parents to Know"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

My mom and dad are the best college parents in the world. If I need anything, they help me in the most considerate way possible. They engulf me in their love when I need comforting. They care for me unconditionally and respect me. They don\u2019t micromanage me, and I know I can safely release my secrets into their receptive ears.<\/p>\n

However, I have realized even my parents will err with their college student at times.<\/p>\n

One day, a friend was telling me how her parents don\u2019t always tell her what\u2019s going on at home. She asked, \u201cDo your parents ever do that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d I confidently responded. \u201cThey always tell me everything. But I think I\u2019m an unusual case because my parents are just that great.\u201d<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t know what was coming.<\/p>\n

That night, as I was chatting with my parents, my mom said, \u201cKyra, we have to tell you something.\u201d She then proceeded to narrate the tale of my cat\u2019s disappearance two weeks before. That\u2019s right, two weeks<\/em>.<\/p>\n

We talk at least once a week, yet they failed to mention my cat vanishing from our yard until a couple weeks after the fact. I thought back to my previous conversation with my friend and laughed. I told my parents, \u201cAnd I was just telling my friend that you guys never kept things from me!\u201d We chuckled together, and they assured me they would do better about keeping me in the loop.<\/p>\n

Through all of this, I discovered I was not the one person who magically possessed perfect parents. That maybe, just maybe, parents are struggling to navigate this college territory just like students.<\/p>\n

On that note, here are some things college students want parents to know.<\/p>\n

We\u2019d like your input and support in making decisions.<\/h2>\n

We are just entering adulthood and could really use your support when making the new decisions screeching into our world. One fellow student told me, \u201cI wish my parents were more active participants in my college search,\u201d saying their parents did not come with them on campus tours.<\/p>\n

Parents, most college kids want you to participate in big decisions like picking a university, as long as you don\u2019t make the decision for us.<\/p>\n

Also, please remind us it\u2019s okay to do poorly on something every now and then. Classes, relationships, and extracurriculars all whirl around in our brains. We are bound to forget and to fail, but that\u2019s all part of the learning process! It\u2019s alright if we switch majors, transfer colleges, or maybe even take a break from school as needed. It helps to hear our path doesn\u2019t have to look like anyone else\u2019s.<\/p>\n

At the same time, please let us make our own decisions.<\/h2>\n

Most of us yearn for independence and ample space to become our own person. For this to happen, we need you to let us diverge from you a little more.<\/p>\n

For instance, please do not pressure us to come home all the time or choose a certain major. Don\u2019t tell us what time to go to sleep or who we should be dating. Most of us still want to talk to you regularly, take part in family activities, and ask for your advice. However, we need you to respect our right to make our own choices.<\/p>\n

As one student told me, \u201cI just wish that my parents viewed me as a full adult, capable of making my own decisions without their approval.\u201d Through your faith in us, we will become more confident in our independence and more comfortable being ourselves around you.<\/p>\n

Do you use a lot of \u201cshoulds\u201d and \u201cshould nots\u201d when speaking with your college student? How you interact with them over the decisions they\u2019re making will either encourage or discourage the self-reliance they\u2019re trying to develop.<\/p>\n

Receive more encouraging content like this delivered to your inbox!<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

We\u2019ve changed, and that\u2019s okay.<\/h2>\n

College has shaped me in various ways. Professors introduced me to previously unknown philosophies, artistry, and worldviews. Peers revealed new lines of thinking I never considered before. I took part in activities I never thought of trying before. I returned home a very different girl from the one who left. And I know I\u2019m not the only one. Experiencing personal change in college is pretty normal.<\/p>\n

Understandably, it can be difficult to acclimate to this change in us. However, this is an opportune moment for you to reaffirm how much you love and admire us and get to know the adults we\u2019re growing into. Listen to our differing views rather than changing the topic. Let us ask questions and be curious! Wondering<\/em> is not the same as wandering<\/em>.<\/p>\n

So ask us what we\u2019ve been learning recently through our classes, internship, etc. We might surprise you with our insights.<\/p>\n

But we will always be your kids.<\/h2>\n

Although we would like some independence, we also desire long-term connection with you. We want you to share your wisdom, we want to hear about your own college experiences, and we crave your undivided attention.<\/p>\n

Although we are not officially under your roof anymore, please remind us we will always be your child. Let us rant to you and tell you about our hard times as well as victories. Not all parents get to hear about what\u2019s going on in their college student\u2019s life, so please treat these conversations as a gift to us both.<\/p>\n

Next time your college student comes home, consider taking them out to their favorite place and talking about life with them. Ask how they\u2019re really<\/em> doing and listen attentively to their answers. You still (and always will) play a powerful role in our lives.<\/p>\n

Speaking of your role, thank you so<\/em> much <\/em>for all that you do! You have taken us school shopping, welcomed us back on breaks, been there for us in our tough times, and imparted valuable wisdom that will help us for years to come.<\/p>\n

You are amazing, and we couldn\u2019t do it without you.<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2019 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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