{"id":8969,"date":"2012-03-23T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-03-23T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8969"},"modified":"2012-03-23T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-03-23T00:00:00","slug":"7-ideas-for-raising-a-daughter-with-brothers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/essentials\/raising-girls\/7-ideas-for-raising-a-daughter-with-brothers\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Ideas for Raising a Daughter With Brothers"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

My daughter is frequently seen running around the house in her leotard and filmy pink tutu, growling and brandishing a Nerf sword as she and \u201cthe boys\u201d conquer their unseen foes. She\u2019s the perfect girl with all brothers. She wrestles with them and pretends to hunt African leopards, and teaches her toddler brother how to take care of baby dolls. At any given time, she might be playing with Legos or she might be pushing a stroller.<\/p>\n

But the other day, we had bonafide little females over to play\u2014three of them. They didn\u2019t fight for a minute as the cardboard dress-up trunk was thrown open: piles of tulle, garish beads, and gaudy tiaras were everywhere. The babies and plastic food made for the perfect girl haven. (Her brothers were gone.) She was in pink and purple heaven. Squeals of delight and decidedly female phrases floated down the stairs, things like, \u201cI need the stroller to take to the ball.\u201d<\/p>\n

But then, her decidedly girl<\/em>friends had to go home. And my sweet little girl began to cry. I held her as their minivan pulled away.<\/p>\n

Coming from a family of all girls\u2014even the dog was female\u2014I don\u2019t know what it\u2019s like to be a girly girl surrounded by testosterone. It helps that my kids are close in age; she doesn\u2019t feel isolated from them. But my husband and I implement some strategic plans to make sure that our little girl isn\u2019t always the odd (wo)man out. We want her to feel like the special little lady God created her to be\u2014without morphing into a bossy, pampered queen.<\/p>\n

1. Teach the boys to protect and defend.<\/h3>\n

We want our daughter\u2019s femininity to be something that\u2019s held in special honor, not contempt. Talk around the dinner table, for example, doesn\u2019t need to belittle anyone\u2019s gender. Putdowns disparaging \u201cMen!<\/em>\u201d (complete with sigh and eyeball roll) or making fun of a crying girl don\u2019t reflect God\u2019s passion for unity. They don\u2019t convey His creation of male and female in God\u2019s image.<\/p>\n

During playtime, my daughter doesn\u2019t usually mind being the one who\u2019s chased as \u201cthe enemy!\u201d But when things start to get lopsided and she\u2019s consistently not on their side, I ask the boys to switch things up a little.<\/p>\n

Lessons like these seem to teach the boys about compassion and about defending those who are weaker\u2014or just different. I want to teach the heart attitude of manners\u2014respect\u2014by ingraining habits of chivalry for their sister. That might involve lifting heavy items for her, opening the door for her, comforting her, or just listening to her. Hopefully this will translate into their relationships with other women, all the way to marriage. Our daughter learns that she\u2019s worthy of respect and honor, no matter her level of dominance or strength\u2014or her gender.<\/p>\n

2. Teach both to come into each other\u2019s world.<\/h3>\n

If my daughter wants to wrestle with the boys, we ask her not to ruin their fun by being oversensitive and melodramatic; she needs to be ready to play a little rougher. But of course, the boys need to treat her with special honor, too, and not body-slam the poor kid. Similar to point number one, these cross-gender relations are training my children to love people who are different than they are. It also helps them appreciate how others are made\u2014and each individual\u2019s reflection of God.<\/p>\n

3. Give her some special girl time.<\/h3>\n

A thoughtful friend of mine recently threw a \u201cprincess party\u201d at her \u201ccastle.\u201d The little girls were mailed large invitations which were, of course, pink and purple. They wore their princess getup, clomping around in plastic shoes. Then they frosted cookies, colored princess pictures, chose prizes from a treasure box, and enjoyed a real-live tea party with their moms and grandmas. My daughter couldn\u2019t stop talking about it!<\/p>\n

Maybe this time for you two involves doing nothing girly whatsoever. Or maybe it\u2019s just going out on a date to get food she likes, go shopping, or see a chick flick. But the main idea here is to celebrate her femininity and uniqueness in ways that are memorable and meaningful. Communicate that she\u2019s not alone, and that her femaleness is not just an obstacle that isolates her from the rest of your family.<\/p>\n

4. Give her some everyday girl time.<\/h3>\n

For us, this includes seeking out books from the library that are geared for girls, coloring paper dolls together, giving her some special space to play with her girl toys, or brushing her hair and chatting. If your girl\u2019s not girly, I gently suggest that you don\u2019t force her to be someone she\u2019s not, but rather just help her to feel comfortable with who God has made her to be. You can also spend some time focusing on what it means to be a woman of God\u2014one who loves a husband, children, and other people well.<\/p>\n

If she\u2019s older, give her some time to talk about whatever she\u2019s going through\u2014to verbally process her world. Without amplifying whatever drama she\u2019s experiencing (or conveying) and over-analyzing it to death, help her walk through life. Again, the idea is not to pamper her so that she gets self-focused. It\u2019s just to counter some of her isolation, communicate value, and appreciate how she\u2019s wired.<\/p>\n

5. Be intentional about helping her get together with female friends,<\/h3>\n

whether it\u2019s play dates or a night at Grandma\u2019s or\u2014for older girls\u2014a slumber party while the guys go out with Dad. If she\u2019s older, she might enjoy a mentor who will have fun with her, give her another female perspective and role model, and nurture her as a young woman of God.<\/p>\n

6. Learn how she\u2019s different.<\/h3>\n

Authors like Michael Gurian have written fascinating material on the different ways that boys and girls learn, develop, and process information. It may help you to have well-placed expectations on your daughter\u2019s development as it relates to her gender\u2014and differs from her brothers.<\/p>\n

7. Make the most of your own relationship.<\/h3>\n

A mother-daughter relationship may not replace a sibling relationship\u2014and it\u2019s healthy to allow other girls to play the \u201cbosom buddy\u201d role in her life. But I\u2019ve witnessed some beautiful connections with \u201conly daughters\u201d and their moms that are as unique as the women who form them. Pray for God to draw you and your daughter\u2019s relationship into a close, healthy place that honors Him. Some quick ideas:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • Find a project or a craft you love to do together.<\/li>\n
  • Sign up for a class together.<\/li>\n
  • Serve together\u2014maybe you\u2019ll teach a VBS class together, or sort through clothes at a shelter, or make a meal for people just out of the hospital.<\/li>\n
  • Pray with her.<\/li>\n
  • Pick out a Bible study to do together, or memorize some verses about real beauty.<\/li>\n
  • Take a road trip together.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    I\u2019ve observed how God has used the women I know who have grown up with brothers. He has carefully crafted plans for these women who understand men and work with them as close companions. They are wonderful assets in the workplace and at home, and many of them have a beautiful vigor in their brand of femininity. God has designed my family in the way it would best function for his honor. My daughter isn\u2019t disadvantaged because she\u2019s the only girl. Nope\u2014she\u2019s packing a secret weapon.<\/p>\n

    And Nerf doesn\u2019t even make this one.<\/p>\n

    \n

    Copyright \u00a9 2011 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved. <\/em><\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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