{"id":89615,"date":"2019-08-14T15:53:00","date_gmt":"2019-08-14T20:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=89615"},"modified":"2019-08-14T15:53:00","modified_gmt":"2019-08-14T20:53:00","slug":"what-miley-cyrus-teaches-us-about-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/life-issues\/challenges\/cultural-issues\/what-miley-cyrus-teaches-us-about-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"What Miley Cyrus Teaches Us About Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u201cWell, actually nothing. Miley Cyrus and her husband just separated. This is something we should grieve or ignore, not further publicize. I don\u2019t need her to teach me anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ok. But think about this.<\/p>\n

Divorce under any circumstances is painful\u2014painful to God, painful to the couple, painful to everybody affected by it.<\/p>\n

With enough troubles of our own, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth separating less than a year into their own marriage<\/a> need not be newsworthy to us. Not because our hearts don\u2019t break anytime a marriage starts crumbling, but because it\u2019s really none of our business.<\/p>\n

But consider that it\u2019s also news your kids are ingesting whether you want them to or not.<\/p>\n

They may not particularly care about the separation. But they\u2019re definitely influenced by the surrounding interviews, Instragram pics, and, in her case, lyrics\u2014all dripping with worldview and teaching them a way to think about marriage.<\/p>\n

Worldview is always something we need to take seriously. Because how we think and are taught to think about relationships precedes how we\u2019ll act in them.<\/p>\n

So while we don\u2019t need to regurgitate every bit of poisoned cotton candy offered up by popular culture, some moments have value for the sake of our own thinking and the futures of our kids.<\/p>\n

We certainly don\u2019t need to judge this couple, but her own words and thinking are worth reflecting on\u2014if for no other reason than to judge ourselves.<\/p>\n

A lyric worth exploring<\/h2>\n

While talking about marriage and her new album in a recent interview<\/a>, Cyrus offered great insight into the relational spirit of the age. She explained her approach to marriage in the context of a lyric.<\/p>\n

\u201cI have a new song, \u2018Never Be Me,\u2019 and the chorus says, \u2018If you\u2019re looking for faithful, that\u2019ll never be me. If you\u2019re looking for stable, that\u2019ll never be me. If you\u2019re looking for someone that\u2019ll be all that you need, that\u2019s never going to be me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s take the message of this lyric seriously and think about it in the context of a marriage.<\/p>\n

\u201cBe all that you need?\u201d We can probably pass on that. Not really possible in either direction. Though a desire to try becomes a nice gesture.<\/p>\n

But faithfulness? Absolutely need it for marriage to work.<\/p>\n

Stability\u2014at least in the sense that I\u2019m rooted and grounded and not going anywhere? Essential ingredient of marriage.<\/p>\n

\u201cNever Be Me\u201d becomes a confession in advance that I\u2019m committed to the exact opposite of what it takes to truly be married. (Or be a good parent. Or a good friend.) In marrying me, you\u2019ll never get what your heart desires\u2014which we\u2019ll come back to shortly.<\/p>\n

In another interview, her representative told the Associated Press that they decided a break was best while they focus on \u201cthemselves and careers.\u201d<\/p>\n

All of this amounts to a worldview, a perspective loaded with implications for how we enter a relationship. So let\u2019s consider any marriage founded on these commitments:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Committed to unfaithfulness<\/li>\n
  2. Committed to instability<\/li>\n
  3. Committed to not being all you need<\/li>\n
  4. Committed to myself<\/li>\n
  5. Committed to my career<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Nothing to see here, folks, just move right along. Easy to critique, easy to discern a recipe for relational failure, right?<\/p>\n

    How could any marriage survive under the weight of these starting points? It can\u2019t.\u00a0 But while it\u2019s always easier to dispassionately point them out in someone else\u2019s relationship\u2014especially after a break up\u2014can we see them in our own?<\/p>\n

    How many of us enter marriage having already absorbed a worldview similar to this? It might hurt to think about it, but consider whether these statements have ever been true about your own approach to marriage:<\/p>\n