{"id":89313,"date":"2019-08-12T10:52:46","date_gmt":"2019-08-12T15:52:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=89313"},"modified":"2019-08-12T10:52:46","modified_gmt":"2019-08-12T15:52:46","slug":"i-couldnt-believe-my-husband-said-that","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/ages-and-stages\/young-children\/i-couldnt-believe-my-husband-said-that\/","title":{"rendered":"I Couldn\u2019t Believe My Husband Said That!"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

\u201cYou\u2019re in your room for the rest of the summer!\u201d My husband shouted to our five-year-old. \u201cAnd you\u2019re never coming out!\u201d He slammed the door to the garage and shoved the car keys on the nearby hook.<\/p>\n

It had all started as a regular, sunny Saturday. My husband suggested going to the pool for the afternoon. Our seven-year-old grabbed her towel and cover up. Our five-year-old flopped on the floor squealing something about the wrong pair of shoes.<\/p>\n

And everyone came undone.<\/p>\n

My husband had given the get-ready-for-the-pool directions, so I tried really hard to let him stay the parent in charge. But the louder the squeals, the harder and harder it got to not intervene with parenting advice and discipline directives.<\/p>\n

Rookie mistake<\/h2>\n

You should know that our life changed a year ago. We moved across the country to be close to the medical care our daughter needs.<\/a> Which meant my husband left his successful\u2014yet demanding\u2014dream career of high school coaching.<\/p>\n

For the past 12 years, he spent most of his time instructing other people\u2019s teenaged boys. He\u2019s proficient in building a baseball program. Taking a team to regionals. Throwing his hat to argue the winning call. Teaching boys to become men. He is even the multi-named 5A Coach of the Year.<\/p>\n

Consequently, until this past year, he hasn\u2019t had a lot of experience in the kicking over shoes and puffy hair complaints from our two young girls.<\/p>\n

Until this past year, our girls ate popcorn and played in the dirt behind the bleachers to cheer on their \u201cDaddy Coach\u201d at all the home games. Then I hurried them home to tuck them in at dusk, hours before Daddy was home from cleaning up the field.<\/p>\n

But now, he is home with us on Saturdays. Now at bedtimes, he is reading the stories and saying the prayers. Now at dinnertime, he spoons veggies onto pink plastic plates and cuts meat into kid-sized bites.<\/p>\n

So in the past year, my husband had a steep learning curve in getting acclimated to our home life. And I had a steep learning curve at letting him be involved, even though I\u2019d always wanted him to be.<\/p>\n

To put it bluntly, he wasn\u2019t so sure he knew what to do in parenting our kids, simply because of lack of practice. And most days, I was sure his amateur hope in their cooperation was sorely overestimated.<\/p>\n

Stuck<\/h2>\n

Back to our sobbing five-year-old locked in her room for the summer. Our frustrated seven-year-old had goggles still perched on her head. My husband was across the living room, huffing that kids are hard and we never have fun and it always ends like this. I was trying to silence the \u201cknow-it-all\u201d voice in my head and, instead, turn up the compassionate voice listening to my well-meaning husband discouraged over a tough parenting fail.<\/p>\n

I had been there. Many, many times over the past seven years. This looked like his first rodeo. But I recognized the desire and the defeat in his eyes.<\/p>\n

I wanted to fix it for our girls. I didn\u2019t think what my husband had done was fair. Still, I didn\u2019t think I should swoop in behind him to undermine his parental authority in our home.<\/p>\n

I wanted to fix it for him, too. Give him the long list of ways I knew the girls would\u2019ve responded differently from the first \u201cgrab your towels\u201d request. Or ways he could\u2019ve expected obedience starting at 8 a.m. Ways I\u2019d proven it with our kids over the hours, days, years I\u2019d spent parenting them. But I remembered I learned those from trial and error, too.<\/p>\n

We all felt stuck when we\u2019d set out for some fun.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/span>

365 devotions for your marriage on the days you feel like it (and ones you don\u2019t). <\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Then he said it<\/h2>\n

In his resettled voice, he called everyone to the kitchen. Three sets of eyes stared at him, waiting. I could tell he was nervous. I\u2019m sure the girls could, too.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he finally said. \u201cMommy, I\u2019m sorry. Annie, I\u2019m sorry. Audrey, I\u2019m sorry. I let my anger get to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

The stares continued because we weren\u2019t expecting his admission.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust like I\u2019ve been teaching you girls about repentance this week, sometimes Daddy has to admit he is wrong too<\/a>. Then admit it to God, repent, and ask for forgiveness. So will you forgive me?\u201d<\/p>\n

The girls looked at me. I started nodding. Their little blonde heads followed.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs anyone still up for the pool? Can we start over and still have a fun afternoon together?\u201d<\/p>\n

Our girls didn\u2019t need me to lead the nodding on that one.<\/p>\n

Later that night as we cleaned up from dinner and brought the now-dried pool towels in from the patio chairs, I told my husband thank you. \u201cWhat you did this afternoon changed our whole day. Thanks for saying what you said and doing what you did.\u201d<\/p>\n

His admission and apology definitely changed that Saturday for the four of us. But more than that, his humility and courage proved to both of us that he does in fact have the chops for this parenting stuff.<\/p>\n

And I have to admit that while I might have logged more hours in the day-to-day duties<\/a>, he just set the new standard for open communication, healthy confession, and apology in our home. That\u2019s a great way to lead a family.<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2019 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n

Tracy Lane is a writer for FamilyLife. She is the author of numerous articles, coauthor of Passport2Identity, and guest on multiple FamilyLife Today broadcasts. Tracy and her husband Matt have two daughters. Follow her special needs motherhood journey at\u00a0HeartForAnnie.wordpress.com<\/a>. Find her on instagram @HeartForAnnie.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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