{"id":8754,"date":"2014-01-27T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-01-27T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8754"},"modified":"2014-01-27T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2014-01-27T06:00:00","slug":"if-you-want-to-tame-your-childs-tongue-start-with-your-own","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/foundations\/character-development\/if-you-want-to-tame-your-childs-tongue-start-with-your-own\/","title":{"rendered":"If You Want to Tame Your Child&#8217;s Tongue, Start With Your Own"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\" fetchpriority=\"high\"><\/div><p>My sister-in-law Jerra wanted to teach her daughter, Natalie, to say, \u201cyes, Ma\u2019am\u201d and \u201cno Ma\u2019am\u201d when speaking to adults, but for some reason Jerra couldn&#8217;t get her to stop saying \u201cyep\u201d and \u201cnope.\u201d\u00a0When it came down to disciplinary action, Jerra quickly found out why her little girl was so ingrained\u2014Natalie started pointing out every time Mom and Dad said the forbidden words.\u00a0Turns out it was quite often.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHaving toddlers, you start to discover things you say over and over again,\u201d Jerra said.\u00a0\u201cYou\u2019ll be amazed to find out what you say all the time and don\u2019t even know it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That got me thinking about my own speaking habits.<\/p>\n<p>My son is not quite 2, and he\u2019s already starting to pick up parts of my speech.\u00a0For example, I\u2019m always finishing my sentences with, \u201cOkay?\u201d.\u00a0Like, \u201cI\u2019m going to get your lunch ready, okay?\u201d.\u00a0So now he runs around looking at me saying, \u201cOkay?\u00a0Okay?\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>The other day, my husband and I were in the car talking about how we needed to start paying attention to what our son hears on the radio and television.\u00a0Just as we said that, \u201cHappy Together\u201d was playing on the radio and we heard from the backseat, \u201cHappy!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I wondered what other things I say all the time that my little boy might pick up on.\u00a0I really started <em>listening<\/em> to myself, and I have to admit, I didn\u2019t like some of the language I heard.\u00a0I found I use the ugly word \u201chate\u201d a lot:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI <em>hate<\/em> cold rainy days.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI <em>hate<\/em> wasting time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI <em>hate<\/em> long lines.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Do I really want my son to go around saying he <em>hates<\/em> things?<\/p>\n<p>I also discovered the words <em>hey<\/em>, <em>stupid<\/em>, and <em>I don\u2019t think so<\/em>.\u00a0Imagine how I would feel as a parent if I heard my son say to my church friends, \u201cThis toy is <em>stupid<\/em>!\u201d or to his teacher, \u201c<em>Hey<\/em>! Can I go to the bathroom?\u201d\u00a0If I don\u2019t change my bad speech habits, it\u2019s highly likely that he will say things exactly like that.<\/p>\n<p>The Bible talks about the virtues of disciplined speech.\u00a0James 3:9-10 is the flagship of tongue training:<\/p>\n<blockquote style=\"margin: 0 40px 27px 20px\"><p><em>With [the tongue] we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way<em>.<\/em> <\/em>(NASB)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Proverbs is another book that is full of advice for the tongue.\u00a0For example, this message from Proverbs 12:18-19:<\/p>\n<blockquote style=\"margin: 0 40px 27px 20px\"><p><em>There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Truthful lips will be established forever, but a lying tongue is only for a moment.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>The way we use words is a reflection of our hearts.\u00a0In Matthew 12:34, Jesus said, \u201c \u2026 the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.\u201d\u00a0The things we say, the words we use, and the attitudes with which we communicate not only reflect who we are to others, but they also set an example for our children.<\/p>\n<h5><strong>How to tame your tongue<\/strong><\/h5>\n<p>Like it or not, children want to be just like their parents.\u00a0If I want my son to be respectful of his elders, speak with kindness, and think before he speaks, then I must learn to be a good example.\u00a0The tongue isn\u2019t easy to tame.\u00a0James calls it \u201ca restless evil, full of deadly poison\u201d (James 3:8).\u00a0But there are things we can do to help keep the tongue in its place.\u00a0Here are four actions I have found that help.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>1.<\/em><\/strong> <strong><em>Check my heart.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>As I mentioned before, Jesus warned us that the tongue and the heart are connected (Matthew 12:34).\u00a0I can tell when I\u2019m growing complacent in my walk with Christ because my language is more negative and unchecked.\u00a0I hear myself complain more, become aggravated by little things, and throw more \u201cpity parties,\u201d as we call them.\u00a0So I know it\u2019s time to step up my devotionals, Bible reading, and, if possible, join Bible studies.\u00a0The more I fill up my heart and mind with God\u2019s words, the more godly principles flow through my life and filter out through my language.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>2.\u00a0Think before I speak.<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0I have to stop letting words escape my lips before I know what I\u2019m saying.\u00a0This is especially important for habitual words, like \u201cstupid\u201d and \u201chate.\u201d\u00a0I only say them to emphasize what I\u2019m feeling, but Proverbs 18:2 says, \u201cA fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions\u201d (NIV). If I take the time to think about my words, I can find kinder and more accurate ways to communicate those feelings.\u00a0That means talking slower so I can think first, letting some space fill the conversation, and being purposeful about the words I choose.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>3. Keep reminders around<\/em><\/strong>.\u00a0Scriptures on the fridge and in the car remind me about the importance of speech.\u00a0James 3 and the book of Proverbs are full of convicting quips.\u00a0I also have a book I like to read regularly when my tongue gets out of control called <em>Beauty Care for the Tongue<\/em>\u00a0by LeRoy Koopman, which includes a study guide for deeper learning.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>4. Replace bad with good<\/em><\/strong>.\u00a0As the old saying goes, \u201cThere is always something good to say.\u201d\u00a0In almost every situation, there is good and bad.\u00a0Instead of immediately verbally attacking the negative side of everything, we can choose to emphasize the good.\u00a0I\u2019m not suggesting that we make up something positive or lie about our opinions to cover up our true feelings.\u00a0But there is a way to sincerely compliment the forgotten or overlooked positive attributes.\u00a0It\u2019s a matter of choosing to see the good.\u00a0Some people would call this \u201coptimism.\u201d\u00a0I call it \u201cgraciousness.\u201d<\/p>\n<h5><strong>A beautiful tongue,\u00a0a beautiful legacy<\/strong><\/h5>\n<p>I like what Koopman says about the beauty of the tongue in the opening statements of his book:<\/p>\n<blockquote style=\"margin: 0 40px 27px 20px\"><p><em>How beautiful is your tongue?<br \/>\nOr haven\u2019t you ever really considered your tongue in terms of its attractiveness?<br \/>\nYou don\u2019t look at it very often in the mirror.<br \/>\nYou don\u2019t go on shopping trips for it.<br \/>\nYou don\u2019t have a weekly appointment at the tongue beautician.<br \/>\nAvon and Revlon don\u2019t sell cosmetics for it.<br \/>\nYou don\u2019t have to diet to get it back in shape.<br \/>\n<\/em><em>Men don\u2019t ogle it or whistle at it or write poems about it.<br \/>\n<\/em><em>It doesn\u2019t appear on the centerfold of <\/em>Playboy<em>.<br \/>\nYet it is your tongue, more than the form of your face, or the dimensions of your<br \/>\nfigure, or the lavishness of your wardrobe, or the size of your income, which<br \/>\ndetermines whether or not you are a beautiful person.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>When it comes to our children, we are often concerned about their future well-being.\u00a0Many people set up monetary accounts for education, starting a home, even future vehicles.\u00a0Yet, the way a child speaks is just as important for success in life, and it\u2019s often the most overlooked.<\/p>\n<p>The way a person uses his tongue determines what kind of person he is.\u00a0It can hurt or heal, bring freedom or bondage, and the way we wield this weapon can be passed down to our children and affect their lives.\u00a0It\u2019s more important than any monetary advantage we can give them.<\/p>\n<p>I want my legacy to be one of a beautiful tongue\u2014one of grace, mercy, and kind truthfulness.\u00a0But in order to pass down these skills, I must begin speaking that way right now, even before my children can form sentences on their own.\u00a0Just as I want them to learn to walk upright, obey their parents, and love their neighbors, I also want them to learn to use one of their most powerful weapons\u2014the tongue\u2014for the good of others.\u00a0And it begins now.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><em>Copyright \u00a9 2010 by Sabrina McDonald. All rights reserved. Used by permission.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is disciplined speech.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":90,"featured_media":8755,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is disciplined 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