{"id":87433,"date":"2019-07-16T12:35:46","date_gmt":"2019-07-16T17:35:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=87433"},"modified":"2019-07-16T12:35:46","modified_gmt":"2019-07-16T17:35:46","slug":"8-ways-to-destroy-your-kid-through-sports","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/life-issues\/challenges\/cultural-issues\/8-ways-to-destroy-your-kid-through-sports\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Ways to Destroy Your Kid Through Sports"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

In spite of mini-movements of outcry regarding poor parent\/coach behavior at youth sports events<\/a> and the pressure being put on kids to perform<\/a>, many of us seem committed to staying on a course that ruins our children\u2019s ability to enjoy games.<\/p>\n

Instead of sports being experienced as something good, a category called \u201cplay\u201d that God created for our good and His glory,<\/a> too often we use our kids\u2019 playground to exercise our own demons.<\/p>\n

So in the spirit of C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters<\/em>, we offer here a short primer on ruining your child\u2019s ability to enjoy sports. It’s a tongue-in-cheek list guaranteed to create instability in your kids in the context of sports\u2014and perhaps throughout their life.<\/p>\n

Apply these tips before, during, and after games.  In more than 25 years of listening to athletes from youth to professional levels process their experience of sports, I\u2019ve learned these parental behaviors can not only ruin their experience of play, but also create multi-layered psychological and spiritual maladies that stick throughout life.<\/p>\n

Note: In the process of destroying their ability to enjoy a setting that should be challenging at times but still almost entirely fun and pleasurable, we will also be training them to despise our approach to life and worldview outside of sports.<\/p>\n

It should be obvious, but continue at your own risk.  Here are eight behaviors guaranteed to make your kid eventually hate organized sports\u2014and resent you in the process.<\/p>\n

1. Pursue being \u201celite.\u201d<\/h2>\n

Travel.  Buy individualized training sessions for your 8-year-old.  Travel some more.<\/p>\n

Avoid playing with actual friends; instead, partner with kids from other communities also tagged as elite.<\/p>\n

Pay more money for that 8-year-old travel team than you will for the first year of college.  Play in out-of-state tournaments that last four days\u2014every weekend for four months.<\/p>\n

Make sure every time your child plays a competitive game she sees flyers and signs that say \u201cselect\u201d and \u201celite\u201d and \u201cshowcase\u201d and \u201cpremier\u201d and \u201cOlympic development\u201d and \u201cClub A-team.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bonus: Play the lottery.  You\u2019ve got a better chance of hitting a few numbers than your kid eventually playing a college sport. Plus, you\u2019ll need the extra money to pay into the racket the youth sports industrial complex has become.<\/p>\n

2. Use guilt and shame.<\/h2>\n

This is an around-the-clock tactic.<\/p>\n

One approach is simply to regularly remind them what it costs you in time and money for them to play. And be sure to include what a privilege and opportunity they have that you never had.<\/p>\n

Better still (and much more destabilizing), you should point out how much better they would be right now if they hadn\u2019t wasted so much time doing other things last summer\u2014or whenever the appropriate off-season occurs for the sport you are ruining.<\/p>\n

Make sure she knows her time is running out\u2014especially if she\u2019s not quite a teenager but has obviously wasted her adolescent motor-skill development in countless ways.<\/p>\n

And count those ways out loud.  Repeatedly. Until she feels like she\u2019s wasted all 14 years of her life.  Breed the kind of insecurity that has a chance to become an unhealthy drive later in her teen years and into young adulthood.<\/p>\n

3. Emphasize constant correction.<\/h2>\n

Aggressively point out fixes and offer correctives for every aspect of the game that either didn\u2019t go well or you thought should have looked different.<\/p>\n

Make sure to repeat the same thing multiple times.  Critical parent coaching moments like these need to be reinforced repeatedly until they stick.<\/p>\n

Make performance perfectionism the standard.  While he has no chance of actually being perfect (see: Jesus), we all know the path to elite athleticism includes maintaining a standard driven and clarified by the idea of perfection.<\/p>\n

While 3 for 5 is always a great day at the plate, talk on the way home about \u201cgiving two at bats away\u201d and how her approach was completely off.<\/p>\n

When he shoots 7 for 10 from the field, talk only about the three he missed and how to fix them next time.  (Occasionally pointing out, \u201cYou may not get a next time\u201d is a nice touch that creates even more of the pressure we think will bring out their best.)<\/p>\n

Instead of celebrating even for a moment being chosen as one of five girls out of 15 to take the end-of-game penalty kicks, keep explaining how a different approach to the ball would have prevented her from hitting the crossbar.<\/p>\n

And don\u2019t miss this opportunity to point out that penalty kicks are \u201csomething that should have been worked on in the off-season instead of playing video games\u201d (see #2).<\/p>\n

4. Downplay the positive.<\/h2>\n

Whenever someone pays your son a compliment in front of you, make sure to diffuse its positive potential in his life by pointing out what\u2019s still wrong with some aspect of his game.<\/p>\n

Better still, take that compliment and turn it back on itself!  \u201cYou\u2019re right.  He has gotten a lot stronger in the upper body this year.  But he still plays soft.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHis swing is definitely quicker and smoother, but he still can\u2019t hit stuff on the outside corner.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s definitely wired to be a leader, he just has no idea where he\u2019s going himself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Spin it negatively whenever possible.  You can harbor pride in your own heart when others compliment your kid, but if you let seeds of encouragement grow in their young and developing soul, it will inevitably lead to arrogance and laziness.<\/p>\n

Snuff the positivity out!  Don\u2019t give in to the \u201cparticipation trophy\u201d mentality that\u2019s taking over our country\u2014you don\u2019t always get to feel good in life.  The less you allow him to feel positive about himself or how he relates to others the better.  Contentment breeds stagnation.<\/p>\n

Receive more encouraging content like this delivered to your inbox!<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

5. Demand \u201cfinal product\u201d maturity.<\/h2>\n

We want to spur growth\u2014constant growth\u2014especially in those areas of life we never mastered ourselves.  In fact, be particularly tough on those traits you see in your son that remind you of yourself.<\/p>\n

Expect him\u2014no, force and demand from him\u2014that he function maturely in areas of life that you continue to struggle with as an adult.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t create pressure to change at 13, he may wind up just like you.  Demand the end result of growth now and leave the process for later!<\/p>\n

6. Silent treatment.<\/h2>\n

Sometimes it\u2019s better to just not say a word.  After all, you are so frustrated with her you know nothing positive will come out of your mouth.  So slay her with your silence!  Leave it to her own wild imagination to decide what you are thinking.<\/p>\n

Allow her to feel more worthless and guilty about whatever it is she didn\u2019t do right by letting your silence say it all: \u201cI\u2019m so frustrated with your performance right now I can\u2019t even speak.\u201d  Combined with silence, an occasional sigh, or slow shake of the head make for nice ornamental touches.<\/p>\n

This not only encourages her to feel worse, but will also train her how to deal with other emotional moments in her life.<\/p>\n

The alternative\u2014completely blowing up on her\u2014can also be useful when contrasted with the silent treatment.  Your own instability regarding her performance will help her feel like she\u2019s constantly got both feet planted firmly in the air.<\/p>\n

7. Ask rhetorical\/exasperated questions<\/h2>\n

General: What\u2019s wrong with you?  Why would you do that again?  How many more times are you going to make that mistake?  Why aren\u2019t you doing what you\u2019re being coached to do?<\/p>\n

Sport specific: Why would you pass when you\u2019re wide open?  Why do you keep missing the hole to run through?  Why won\u2019t you swing at the first pitch?  Why do you always swing at the first pitch? Why can\u2019t you ever stop the ball at the net?  When will you start stopping the ball?<\/p>\n

8. In-game feedback, a.k.a constant yelling during the game.<\/h2>\n

If the coach won\u2019t do it, somebody has to, right?  Sometimes the coach yelled the entire game but had no idea what he was talking about.  Play your role!<\/p>\n

Let repetition work its magic.  If your child hears you yell \u201cGo! Run! Stop!<\/em>\u201d enough, at some point you have to figure it will all sink in.<\/p>\n

You know you\u2019re getting somewhere when your kid starts yelling stuff back at you from the court or field.  You\u2019re almost there! Now you\u2019ve got their attention, which is the greatest challenge in this attention-deficit-creating kind of world we live in.<\/p>\n

Indeed, until young Erik or Maria or Jack starts yelling things back in your direction during the game, you know you\u2019ve got your work cut out for you.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t give up!  The more you yell your encouragement, the harder it will be for them to continue ignoring you.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s just a matter of time before they despise having you at the games at all, and in these vulnerable conditions you can make the kind of impact you seek.<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2019 Ed Uszynski. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ed Uszynski has a PhD in American culture studies. He and his wife Amy speak at the Weekend to Remember getaway\u00ae<\/a>. You can find him on twitter @Uszynski32<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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