{"id":8710,"date":"2013-01-28T14:43:00","date_gmt":"2013-01-28T14:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8710"},"modified":"2013-01-28T14:43:00","modified_gmt":"2013-01-28T14:43:00","slug":"reader-responses-how-do-you-change-a-bad-attitude-51-108","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/archived-content\/reader-comments\/reader-responses-how-do-you-change-a-bad-attitude-51-108\/","title":{"rendered":"Reader Responses: How Do You Change a Bad Attitude 51-108"},"content":{"rendered":"
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In his article, “How Do You Change a Bad Attitude?”<\/a> Dave Boehi asked for ideas for readers. Below find the second group of emails we received. \u00a0Want to read the first 50? \u00a0Find them here.<\/a> <\/em><\/p>\n

51.<\/strong> I’ve always thought that attitude is a choice.\u00a0 You can choose to be let a bad situation get you down or you can decide that it won’t. \u00a0Don’t dwell on the bad; look for the good. I’ve found\u00a0that giving thanks in the hard times helps bring to mind the blessings you have already received.\u00a0 There’s a reason we’re told to give thanks\u00a0in all things.\u00a0 Have you ever been able to give thanks or praise God without a smile on your face?\u00a0You don’t have power? You still have a generator!\u00a0 You don’t have a generator?\u00a0 You still have a house to keep the wind out.\u00a0 Your vacation got spoiled? At least you were home to be better able to deal with the situation with you family (by the way – there are no coincidences!).\u00a0 It’s really all in how you look at it.<\/p>\n

52.<\/strong> The way I handle my bad attitude is to start counting my blessings.\u00a0 Instead of focusing on the disagreeable at the present, start thanking the Lord for all of your blessings. It works!<\/p>\n

53.<\/strong> In answer to your question, begin counting your blessings to put you into an attitude of gratitude.\u00a0 It’s a mental decision, a choice that one has to make.\u00a0 As one song puts it, “Count your blessings.\u00a0 You’ll find one if you try…”<\/p>\n

An attitude of gratitude will make all the difference.\u00a0 There are times when I have a bad attitude about something regarding my husband, but when I remember the blessing that he has been to me, the deeper things that he puts up with from me, the unconditional love that he has shown me since before we married, etc., it begins to deflate my “feel-sorry”\/bad attitude.<\/p>\n

What I have an attitude about may be something very real and something that needs to be addressed, but having attitude about it isn’t going to help the situation.\u00a0 Adding personal subjectivity and blowing the issue into bigger proportions doesn’t help to solve it.\u00a0 Acknowledge it is an issue, get the attitude in check, look at all there is related to the situation that there is to be thankful for, and then one can more appropriately carry on\/make it through\/address the situation\/have patience – whatever the situation calls for.<\/p>\n

54.<\/strong> For me I recall my favorite passage in the book Love and Respect<\/em>.\u00a0 The one who breaks the \u201ccrazy cycle\u201d is the one that is more mature!\u00a0 So if I have a bad attitude towards my spouse or a co-worker I see it as a challenge to let go of any resentment because after all, I am a mature adult.<\/p>\n

55.<\/strong> Here are some of the things that help me when I get a bad attitude:<\/p>\n

I count my blessings!\u00a0 Just like the old hymn says, “Count your blessings, name them one by one”<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0 No matter what situation I find myself in, there are always so many things to be thankful for, and it’s important to be specific.\u00a0 I always begin with thanking God for sending His Son, Jesus Christ to be my Savior.\u00a0 Then I continue to thank Him for the family and friends He has given me, and so on.\u00a0 It is difficult to stay irritable when you are thanking the Lord for all He has done.<\/p>\n

I try to recognize that it is in the difficult times that we grow the most.\u00a0 There is a saying, “Whatever doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger”.\u00a0 Although this saying doesn’t come from the Word of God, there is truth in it.\u00a0 This concept can be found in James 1:2-4 where we are told to “count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations”.\u00a0<\/em> We can rejoice in our trials and hardships knowing that the Lord is using it to mold us, teach us and make us stronger in Him.\u00a0 As we mature spiritually, we can truly come to the place that we rejoice whether our circumstances are good or bad, whether we are up on the mountaintop, or down in the valley.<\/p>\n

Lastly, I try to focus on Jesus Christ and the glory that awaits to all who have trusted in Him.\u00a0 I think about the story of Peter when the Lord called him out of the boat to walk on the water.\u00a0 He was able to walk on the water as long as his focus was stayed on Christ.\u00a0 However, as soon as he looked at the roaring waves around him, he began to sink.\u00a0 We must not focus on our circumstances or we will become depressed, fearful, doubtful.\u00a0 We must keep our focus on Christ and trust in Him to be our refuge and strength.<\/p>\n

Dealing with a spouse that has a bad attitude:<\/em><\/p>\n

This is a bit more tricky as we do not have control over the attitudes and behaviors of others.\u00a0 I have to be careful in this area, as I have tried to control my husbands’ behaviors\/attitudes and have erroneously believed that I could somehow “fix” him!\u00a0 Don’t make that mistake!\u00a0 I have found that becoming angry or pushy with another person only drives them further away and makes the problem worse.<\/p>\n

The best way to deal with a spouse that has a bad attitude is to continue to treat them with love and understanding.\u00a0 Be there to listen and let them know you are willing to pray with them, read God’s Word together, or do anything else that may help the situation.\u00a0 As a wife, I have come to realize that my own behavior and attitude that I display speaks volumes more than any words I could say.\u00a0 And lastly, never stop praying for your spouse.\u00a0 The Lord hears our earnest prayers for our spouse and He will answer in His time.\u00a0 Have patience and wait on the Lord.<\/p>\n

56.<\/strong> I’ve found the best way to get out of that “funk” that we sometimes find ourselves in is to take the focus off those fleshly desires, not easy when going through the situation, and putting the focus on God, and praise him through the storm. It was very helpful for me to be involved in a church were we had an awesome church family full of people who could pray for us through a time when we weren’t able to.<\/p>\n

57.<\/strong> Jimmy Evans has a great teaching he does called \u201cThe Hurt Whisperer.\u00a0 It outlines coping mechanisms we come up with that may be tied to generational iniquities. Have you considered how long of a line of bad attitudes you have knowledge of generationally? That perhaps you were “bent” that way and have continued in these thought patterns not fully understanding this was passed on to you? In response to your question “has the bible helped me?” the answer is yes. The bible makes it clear that certain curses\/iniquities would be passed on to the 3rd and 4th generations. I am learning that we can choose to break those off by recognizing them without blaming our parents bringing it into the light and responding in obedience to Christ. Truth is most people might not consider a bad attitude a generational curse, but the promise of multiplication of it is the part that should cause us to look deeper into the truth.\u00a0 The focus is to recognize and understand where the influence came from (especially when we hear ourselves say things like “I just couldn’t snap out of it”) and to choose to break it off in obedience to Christ choosing to bless our children\/grandchildren to the 3rd and 4th generations. This has not been an easy process, but one we are hoping will yield the fruit of Christ like attitudes because that is what was passed on. Thanks for allowing us to respond.<\/p>\n

58.<\/strong> How?\u00a0 I\u2019ve learned to pray, pray, pray.\u00a0 And there are times when I find myself falling back into the \u201cold\u201d way of trying to control the situation myself and then realize that I can\u2019t do this on my own!<\/p>\n

59.<\/strong> I must admit that I too struggle with bad attitude.\u00a0 I am one to let my circumstances dictate how I feel.\u00a0 Sometimes getting the right perspective — like helping others more misfortunate snaps me out of it. Other times hearing the right sermon\/lesson helps.\u00a0 Talking with others and getting their perspective helps me with my sometimes narrow thinking.\u00a0 Being around people that support and love me helps me more than anything.\u00a0 When relationships strain during hard times it only makes matters worse.\u00a0 When a bad attitude develops knowing that I have people around me understand and support me helps the most.\u00a0 However, I am not asking for a “pass” in my bad attitude.\u00a0 Sometimes I also need someone to speak truth in to me.<\/p>\n

60.<\/strong> Thanks for your transparency. I live in Charlotte, NC and we had about the same situation with Hurricane Hugo some years ago so I sort of \u201cfeel your pain\u201d.\u00a0 At any rate, I find the best way to break of out of the crud is to think about how blessed we really are. I know this will sound self-evident but just think about it. At least you weren\u2019t harmed. At least you knew the power was eventually coming back on. What about the people who never had power \u2026.duh.\u00a0 Anyway, the Word says to think on the \u201cgood stuff\u201d, i.e. Philippians 4:8-9. Also somewhere in Job it says, \u201cShall we accept the good from the Lord and not the bad?\u201d I\u2019m still working on all this too so don\u2019t feel like the Lone Ranger.<\/p>\n

61.<\/strong> I deal with any negative feelings towards situations by reminding myself that this life was never meant to be perfect \u2013 I must therefore live with the eternal hope in eternity spent with Him! Not to say that initial feelings of frustration don\u2019t come up, they do for sure. I actually had a really bad year last year \u2013 financially anyways. My business was failing and I am the only source of income at home. I have been a faithful tither and do my best to run my business to honor God but here it was falling apart. Initially panic and fear set in and try to destroy but as I worked to keep things in perspective I realized that nothing can really be so bad that I should be bitter on this earth \u2013 I win in the end no matter what!<\/p>\n

I also ask what He can do with me through it all rather than why it is happening. So many other bad things happen every day, even if my wife or kids died I would hope I could keep sight of the bigger picture and hold on to the grace that abounds in Him. Our future in Him is secure no matter what this world throws at us. Paul said it \u2013 \u201cto die is gain, to live is Christ!\u201d<\/p>\n

I used to seek out more practical answers like \u201ccount to 10\u201d, \u201cask yourself if it will matter in 5 yrs, if not then it doesn\u2019t matter now\u201d, etc but all of those kinds of things still left me hungry for something more real. I had to seek God out and really, truly find Him. Once I did that my outlook on all of life changed. If you have a little more time read my testimony \u2013 attached. Hopefully you will see what I mean.<\/p>\n

62. <\/strong>This is an area that\u00a0has plagued\u00a0me\u00a0through time.\u00a0 I can\u00a0even put on an air,\u00a0act as if nothing is the matter yet be upset.\u00a0Within me I feel an\u00a0attitude, sometimes displayed outwardly and sometimes not displayed outwardly.\u00a0I believe my greatest challenge has been with my husband of 25 years. He’s\u00a0a great guy, a very nice guy and perceived by all as a great guy. However, living with him I\u00a0see where he could do and be so much more. I’ve shared my thoughts and concerns with him but\u00a0do not see as much of a change that I think there should be.\u00a0 Most concerns are ones that\u00a0would\u00a0improve his health (weight)\u00a0and others fall in the category of household management.<\/p>\n

In continually dealing with various issues referencing the above, I have developed an attitude.\u00a0How do I deal with my attitude?\u00a0I first recognize I have\u00a0an attitude and need to\u00a0get rid of it.\u00a0I\u00a0self-evaluate; what\u00a0I’m\u00a0feeling then I try to\u00a0explore the specific reason causing the attitude as well as how\u00a0I am reacting to express my attitude.<\/p>\n

When I can’t seem to easily shake the attitude,\u00a0I take it to the Lord in personal prayer. Sometimes I cry-out to the Lord which\u00a0is a comfort.\u00a0I\u2019ll\u00a0search the scriptures where God is speaking to me, read His promises, assurance, His love, provisions, and\u00a0notation of how things are in this world. God’s\u00a0promises comfort me by\u00a0informing me that ALL IS WELL.\u00a0 His Word informs me that an attitude is unnecessary and gets me nowhere. He gives me things to do, I better way to handle my issue.<\/p>\n

I believe that reiterating\u00a0that the Lord is real, faithful, merciful is a comfort. I then do my best to apply the “Word of God\u201d to the situation and I say to myself, “Let go, let loose, and let God.”\u00a0\u00a0I try to leave my attitude and issue that provoked it at the cross. I have sometimes\u00a0put on praise music to sing-along, and enter into the presence of God.\u00a0I purpose to laugh, make humor and be joyous. Life is short and although I still sometimes get attitudes I purpose not to hold on to it but, to give it to the Lord;\u00a0“Let go, let loose and let God”.\u00a0Recognize our blessings and be thankful.<\/p>\n

63. <\/strong>Focus on the\u00a0positive, health, family, church, and hope in Christ.<\/p>\n

64. <\/strong>Sometimes I look in a mirror and tell myself out loud to STOP.\u00a0 Someone told me recently they do something similar but added they are really asking God to help them get the devil out!<\/p>\n

65.<\/strong> This helps me: I recognize I have a choice in whether or not to have an attitude, that’s negative. As a choice it’s simple. I feel better and am better, with a good attitude . So, I let it go, and empower myself to change. We can’t change each other. We can change ourselves,, and that can help others, too. You either get,\u00a0 this or you will continue to experience circumstances, that get you thinking , why me?<\/p>\n

FYI, \u201cwhy\u201d questions seem to come from a childish position, in me…maybe you, too? All I’m saying is to take charge and accept, this is what we have to deal with. Now let\u2019s fix it. And the right attitude sure makes it less challenging than I would imagine. God, has allowed me and my family many blessings, and when things get tough , we like to think about a saying my Dad had. ( I’m like a rubber ball, the harder you throw me the higher I bounce!)<\/p>\n

66.<\/strong> Just a couple of thoughts on tude\u2026<\/p>\n

Concerning my wife-with-a-tude.\u00a0 After 28 years of marriage I finally learned to give her space and time and she will come out of it.\u00a0 But I\u2019m thankful that she does not have a tude very often.\u00a0 Actually not very often at all.\u00a0 Except for the fact that she is going through the \u201cchange of life\u201d.\u00a0 She is on the 4 year plan.\u00a0 At least it\u2019s been 4 years and I\u2019m not sure when the end will happen. LOL<\/p>\n

I\u2019m the one that that has the tude most of the time.\u00a0 What God has been showing me the last 3 weeks is, am I striving to be \u201chappy\u201d or \u201cHoly\u201d?<\/p>\n

Usually my tude is wrapped around something \u201cI\u201d want or what \u201cI\u201d want someone to do.\u00a0 That involves my happiness not my holiness.\u00a0 If I stop and think that my holiness or my righteousness are nothing and make a conscious thought that Christ\u2019s righteousness is what covers me, it makes and instant change in my tude.<\/p>\n

67.<\/strong> We spent my 50th birthday and my dh’s 57th birthday, (we’re a few days apart) without electricity in a cold house, due to an ice storm, as well. We remained without electricity for almost 2 weeks. (Since we were rural and on well water, that also left us without water.) Right away, we were so thankful for our fireplace, as we knew it could be much worse without it. Although a fireplace (not fireplace insert) only heats not much beyond right in front of it, when the house is bitter cold, we could at least feel some warmth from it by sleeping and sitting right in front of it. We had piles of books we had always wanted to read, so we got through a lot of those in the evenings by the fireplace, sitting under layers of blankets!<\/p>\n

It gave us a lot of time for sharing thoughts, as well. We would read something aloud and discuss it. We, too, pondered how our ancestors lived like that all the time…my dad grew up on a farm that didn’t have electricity until the 40s, so all of his childhood was without electricity. (he also had an outhouse all those years, too.) For us, that helped knowing if my dad and aunts and uncles could do it, so could we…that it was all in how one looked at a situation.<\/p>\n

Counting blessings, like the song goes, helped. We were thankful that we had a roof over our heads; definitely VERY thankful that no limbs had crashed into our house!!; that we had books to read; that we were saving greatly on our propane, and our next electrical bill would be much lower; that we had a fireplace to help create some warmth; each other, so that we weren’t enduring it in the house alone; our faith, remembering that Christ was right there with us.<\/p>\n

In fact, mentioning Christ…the thought just now comes to mind that He, too, did not have central air, nor central heat, as well. ..in fact, He had no place to call a roof over His head. And He’s our Savior…so that definitely makes me feel spoiled, even with an ice storm knocking out the electricity!<\/p>\n

Anyway, it is so easy to become irritated and grouchy if focusing on what one has lost…but if one focuses on all that one still has, or all that could have happened…it’s much easier to still find ways to enjoy one’s self. Some of our very BEST and treasured memories are from that time in front of the fire, reading books together in the evening and sharing re: what we’d just read, or thoughts we had on all kinds of things. \ud83d\ude42 There’s also something just so comforting and peaceful about sitting under layers upon layers of big, thick blankets, reading by the crackling fireplace. And btw, the savings we had from almost 2 weeks of non-use of propane and electricity…we used that to go shopping with, as a way to treat ourselves for what we’d gone through.<\/p>\n

58.<\/strong> My mother always told me “Give it up to God”.\u00a0 It took many years to catch it, but when we do, we surrender our circumstances and choose thankfulness and choose contentment and choose to “wait upon the Lord”.<\/p>\n

59. <\/strong>I definitely want to hear the answer to this one. I really can testify to having this in my life more often than I want.<\/p>\n

60.<\/strong> I am wondering the same thing myself. I constantly struggle with a bad and angry attitude. I do not know how to break out of it. I cannot enjoy anything. Everything is viewed in the negative. It has taken a toll on my family, my first marriage and now my second and my children. Yet I can’t beak out of this. I know rationally I am blessed to be alive and healthy. But I am angered at the place I am in my life. Always jealous of others and their situations and families. I have a terrible family life and am angry and depressed everyday. I\u00a0do not wish to be the angry old lady but I can’t get out of this mindset. no matter what I have done. I pray at church for god to help but there is still no changes. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.<\/p>\n

61.<\/strong> I recently had a bout with a “baditude” as well!\u00a0 After a couple of weeks with sick kids, Christmas vacation (when all three kids are home) and some physical pains, I was irritable.\u00a0 Coupled with my wife’s hard road through menopause (read:\u00a0 men-you-better-pause!) and some things she said in frustration, I was angry.\u00a0 Not the yelling kind, but the slow-burn, close-my-heart, get cold kind.<\/p>\n

I have read the Scriptures and done enough counseling in the pastorate to know this is a bad place to be. My wife apologized, but I was not really ready to forgive.\u00a0 After a couple of days, I knew I had to start showing my wife love again.\u00a0 I needed to die to myself and extend grace – whether I felt like it or not.<\/p>\n

Love is a decision.\u00a0 So reaching out to give her a hug and doing something helpful for her (again, not because I felt like it) was something I could do – even if I couldn’t force myself to have a good attitude and feel differently.\u00a0As I have seen many times before, its easier “to act my way into feeling than to feel my way into acting”.<\/p>\n

The bad attitude subsided.\u00a0 The sun came out again.\u00a0 We also realized that after about a month without any private time, we needed time together. (This is another key to preventing bad attitudes, at least in marriage). In the end, my bad attitude was mine to own.\u00a0 There were places along the way where I made subtle changes in mind and ways of thinking that were negative and thus were detrimental to our relationship.\u00a0 I needed to ask the Lord for help, stop being selfish and love my wife as Christ loved me (Eph. 5).\u00a0 Beware the “little foxes” (Song of Songs) of bad attitudes that get in to steal our joy and intimacy with one another!<\/p>\n

62. <\/strong>Prayer and more prayer-\u00a0 If I have a stinky attitude, I ask the Lord to change my attitude- Often I\u2019ll meet the same situation a bit later, and I realize I don\u2019t feel the same.\u00a0\u00a0 And sometimes (since I am a woman) I have a good cry and write in my journal.<\/p>\n

63.<\/strong> If I have a bad attitude I have learned through maturing that the attitude can’t last long. Making a thankfulness list and praying are key. When someone else has a bad attitude, it must be your goal to not get sucked in. Simply ask them what you could do and then step away. Negativity breeds negativity. Pray for the person and a let them get over it.<\/p>\n

64.<\/strong> Here is what I do:<\/p>\n