{"id":8709,"date":"2013-01-28T14:56:00","date_gmt":"2013-01-28T14:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8709"},"modified":"2013-01-28T14:56:00","modified_gmt":"2013-01-28T14:56:00","slug":"reader-responses-how-do-you-change-a-bad-attitude-1-50","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/archived-content\/reader-comments\/reader-responses-how-do-you-change-a-bad-attitude-1-50\/","title":{"rendered":"Reader Responses: How Do You Change a Bad Attitude? #1-50"},"content":{"rendered":"
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In his article, How Do You Change a Bad Attitude<\/a>, Dave Boehi asked for ideas for readers.\u00a0 Here are 50 of the emails we received.\u00a0 Click here<\/a> for the rest. And click here<\/a> for the follow-up article inspired by these responses.<\/em><\/p>\n

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1. <\/strong>I change my mood by doing something generous for someone else. It doesn’t have to be financial.\u00a0 Acting kindly toward another person to bless them changes my whole outlook very quickly!<\/p>\n

2. <\/strong>I just wanted to let you know that this memo hit home for me today!\u00a0 I was just thinking this morning how I need to apologize to both of my sons (ages 12 and 13) for being in a sour, bad mood this entire weekend.\u00a0 I know that it affected all of us.\u00a0 Even on my drive into work, I was wondering what I can do differently to help me when I get in a rut like that.\u00a0 Between having a migraine and yesterday was the birthday of a close that was murdered by her husband last July, I was in no mood to deal with two boys that were not feeling good but felt good enough to argue and fight with each other.\u00a0 I can\u2019t wait to hear the suggestions on how to turn a bad attitude around.\u00a0 I\u2019m ready!<\/p>\n

3. <\/strong>Amazing that this came today. We are in the throes of this very problem at our house. The tendency is to be selfish and focus almost obsessively on these circumstances and details. We have no control over this and, to me, the sour attitude has to do with taking back control from God. I found that it helps to memorize and meditate on scripture that reinforces that we are not in control. I find it really hard to stop thinking about MYself and MY circumstances in all of this. Something that snaps me out of it is by praying for someone else or serving someone else in someway.<\/p>\n

4. <\/strong>Love this question.\u00a0 Take it to the Lord in prayer … then listen to Him. Look for him. He will appear in the most amazing ways! Then sing!<\/p>\n

5. <\/strong>The one thing that has helped me change my bad attitude in marriage is a book called How to Act Right When your Spouse Acts Wrong<\/em>. \u00a0Starting next Thursday, I am going to have weekly meetings with my daughters and daughter-in-laws to go through this book. \u00a0It made me realize that sometimes marriage isn’t about my happiness but my holiness. \u00a0When the book says that, it is not to say our works make us holy, but in my case my husband is not a believer, therefore my actions may be the only testimony of Christ that he sees. \u00a0I must keep my actions before Christ in order that I can pray for my husband salvation and not be a stumbling block. Does that mean I always succeed? \u00a0No! \u00a0But it reminds me that the only person or attitude I can change is me!<\/p>\n

6. <\/strong>Your piece on bad attitudes hit me where I live at the moment. I have a mom with Alzheimer\u2019s who thankfully is happy, pleasant and not difficult to deal with.\u00a0 My dad on the other hand is a different story.\u00a0 He has some health issues but not anything that should keep him sleepy and in bed most of every day.\u00a0 Several doctors have told us it isn\u2019t depression and since he won\u2019t talk much, I have concluded he is ready to die and go live with Jesus.<\/p>\n

My bad attitude comes from the struggle to provide care for my mom when my father still has a ring on his finger testifying almost 53 years ago to take care of my mom in all circumstances of life. It takes four people to take care of them so they can stay at home.\u00a0 It costs money, which I try to carefully manage.\u00a0 The cost to my physical and mental health and that of my sisters cannot be calculated.\u00a0 Since dad interacts with us on a limited basis, we don\u2019t have a good understanding of what is going on with him.\u00a0 This also contributes to the attitude issue.<\/p>\n

I find that going to choir practice puts a balm on my soul and heals me a bit.\u00a0 \u201cTalk therapy\u201d with my husband, children and best friends helps also.\u00a0 I try to get outside myself and do something to help someone else.\u00a0 It might be volunteering in the church nursery, fixing a gift basket for an upcoming fundraiser or fixing dinner for my family.\u00a0 If I take the time to look around I can always find someone in a tougher situation than I am.\u00a0 I also realize that this situation is not forever although it seems like it sometimes.\u00a0 I KNOW that heaven is forever and this trial is momentary. \u00a0The biggest thing I do is pour my heart out to God and ask him to fix me.\u00a0 He is faithful to me and I could not endure this valley in life without my church family.<\/p>\n

7.<\/strong> Oftentimes I do catch myself with a bad attitude, or\u00a0with the people around me. And it is not always easy to snap out of it. As a woman, sometimes I attribute it to “hormones” and I have two teen-age girls who are going thru the change, so when they start having a “bad” attitude with me, I have to remind myself of how much of that “change” is affecting them too,\u00a0then\u00a0I\u00a0just learn to adjust.<\/p>\n

Or there are times when it doesn’t even make sense why I have a bad attitude, it could be the dishes, or what to make for dinner, or just things don’t go as planned, just anything that I could put the blame on. Then, I stop in my tracks and have to look at the big picture and remind myself of all the blessings that are hidden in those things that I complain about. It’s all a matter of perspective and having a grateful heart\u00a0then a better\u00a0attitude seems to follow after…<\/p>\n

By simply acknowledging GOD\u2019s greatness, changes my whole disposition, soon thereafter, I realize I have a smile on my face, and thankfulness takes over my heart. Then I know,\u00a0GOD just made me feel a lot better already.<\/p>\n

8. <\/strong>First I’m glad you didn’t leave us with a three point… how to get out of a bad attitude lesson.\u00a0 I agree with you that it is a very tough issue and not one to easily write about or be an expert on.\u00a0 I also think many “Christians” find this as a major daily struggle.\u00a0 I once had a professor who claimed to be “entirely sanctified” (whatever that means) but most weeks he had a horrible attitude and was not a nice man.\u00a0 Needless to say I didn’t buy the theology he was selling.<\/p>\n

I think in my own experience a good attitude is comes from finding perspective.\u00a0 When I was a young man I took a trip to Haiti twice and saw things that most kids my age had not.\u00a0 Because of this view on poverty and oppression I found myself more positive and thankful about life.\u00a0 When the electricity got shut off during a storm, like your example, I was not crushed because I realized 90% of the world does not know the amenities we take as normal each day.\u00a0 I think having a bad attitude often comes from not having a realistic view of just how good we have it in comparison to the majority of the world.\u00a0 Go to prison for a day and then you will know what tree freedom is.\u00a0 Become a trash collector and realize how much our western culture values materialism.\u00a0 Just fill in the blank and you will change your bad attitude into an attitude of thankfulness to a God who is truly good and wants only good things for us… even with the lights out.<\/p>\n

9. <\/strong>Thank you for this devotional today. My husband is suffering from an Inflammatory Arthritis condition and has been on Prednisone for several months. He is 72, and has always been very active and loves hard labor! Of course now he is quite limited, having only about 6 productive hours a day. He is also experiencing some personality changes, as well as memory issues, which we hope are short term.<\/p>\n

I am having to remind myself each day that these changes are most likely due to the pain and the medications he is on, and it is a real challenge for me to stay patient (not always gracefully) and to understand that some of this may be permanent. At the same time, our 42 year old son who is serving God in China, recently asked that we commit to pray for him for 10 minutes each day. In meeting this challenge (you know, sometimes prayer for your kids only amounts to ‘dear Lord please bless ____ and walk with him today and keep him in your care’) I am finding scripture to pray for him.<\/p>\n

I recently decided to pray the blessing of fruits of the spirit. Wow! What an eye opener. Because as I prayed these fruits over him, I realized that I also needed to pray them for me. It has made such a difference in my attitude toward my husband.\u00a0 It is changing me from being selfish to attempting to be more selfless, and it has been truly a joy. Perhaps this small example will help someone else who is reading this.<\/p>\n

10.<\/strong> Gratitude is the king of all emotions.\u00a0 When you are being grateful it conquers All other emotions.\u00a0 Thinking about being grateful may not be enough sometimes it takes the action of actually sitting down and writing the things you are grateful for.<\/p>\n

11.<\/strong> I find the quickest way to get back on track is repenting.\u00a0 Usually by the time I discern I have a bad attitude I have already said or done something to offend a member of my family I gather my family to the table or if in car while driving (this can happen too often I say these exact words: I’m sorry for acting poorly by yelling, not acting nice, or lashing out, I was wrong for having this behavior would you please forgive me it stops my attitude immediately.<\/p>\n

12. <\/strong>Hello. I recently heard a woman talk about all of her challenges she is facing and at the end she said, “God is enough”!\u00a0 When life is throwing things at me left and right, I tell myself, “God is enough”!<\/p>\n

13.<\/strong> When I have a bad attitude it is because I am focusing on only the negative. I try to remember that God’ s word says to think on that which is lovely, true & good. This goes a long way in helping me. Also sometimes the bad attitude is because I am worrying or want to be in control of the situation. Again God’ s Word says “be anxious for nothing.” Instead we are commanded to pray about everything. When I feel worry coming on I try to remember to take my concern to God & turn it into a prayer because God is the only one who can change the situation.<\/p>\n

Also God is the only one who is in control, not me. When my spouse is being sour I try to talk to him as a brother in Christ & remind him of these same principles. It all boils down to getting our thinking in line with God’s thinking. Not always easy, but worth it if we can just kick our flesh to the curb.<\/p>\n

14.<\/strong> I have had to adjust to the bad attitude of my spouse.\u00a0 We will walk into 20 years of marriage this August but we have been separated for the last 6 years.\u00a0 Reconciliation has been trying to manifest since last April.\u00a0 We deal with anger and strife (& every evil work literally)\u00a0in our marriage and frankly my husband has checked out and feels his life is ok but mine isn’t.<\/p>\n

When dealing with his bad attitude concerning me the Lord has kept me in 1 Corinthians 13 since Nov 2011 (The Lord\u00a0had me studying this scripture before I went to Phil\u00a0about reconciling).\u00a0 I have had to develop a love that is not touchy, fretful or resentful (plenty of practice here) and allowed the Holy Spirit to show me him the way he sees him.<\/p>\n

Dealing with bad attitudes constantly reminds me that Jesus went to the cross for us and knowing that we all have\u00a0bad attitudes yet he still went anyway.<\/p>\n

15.<\/strong> I have found myself in the position you describe far more times that I like to admit.\u00a0 Carrying around a bad attitude, and knowing it, but not able to change it, at least not as quickly or easily as flipping a light switch.<\/p>\n

In my faith walk, I have been struggling for quite some time, years, with how to really turn things over to Jesus.\u00a0 It seems like I always try to do it HIS way but using my abilities.\u00a0 I am doomed to fail when I try to do it alone.\u00a0 Just recently, it clicked that I still have to move but I have to let HIM do the work.\u00a0 It has to be me taking the actions or steps required to do the things I need to do, but I need to constantly recognize that my abilities are inadequate and pray for HIS strength and abilities to bring me the victory over sin that I desire.<\/p>\n

HIS strength will resist that snack.\u00a0 HIS love will erase that bad attitude. My strength and talent alone are never enough to beat the sin virus that plagues me. Only in HIS Grace is victory a certainty. It’s all in the mind set, and it’s all about keeping it simple.<\/p>\n

16.<\/strong> \u00a0 I have been in a bit of a funk lately. For me I think it is a grief reaction with several recent losses: my dog died, one of my first friends in our current city, daughter went back to college, etc. I force myself to compose a gratitude list sometimes a few times a day, giving thanks for the many blessings I do have. Also for me getting away in nature revitalizes me to appreciate God’s majesty.<\/p>\n

17.<\/strong> I don’t know if this will apply but I feel it will help. \u00a0A little over a year ago I was struggling with negative thoughts and I decided I was not going to be defeated by those thoughts that day. \u00a0I was not going to let it consume me as it had in the past (kind of like the bad attitude). \u00a0Anyhow, every time a negative thought entered my mind I thought of a verse to quote or a song to sing. \u00a0I was at work a lot of that time so this would happen most of the time in my thinking but some of the time out loud. \u00a0By the end of the day I had a wonderful feeling of victory. \u00a0It was really neat.<\/p>\n

I know that if I would apply that all the time it would make a major difference in my life. \u00a0Satan can’t stay around when there are praises to God or scripture being quoted. \u00a0Just like it was when Jesus was in the wilderness for 40 days and Satan was defeated. \u00a0All negative thoughts and bad attitudes come from our allowing Satan to have control when in fact we are on the winning team and we have control – through Jesus<\/p>\n

19. <\/strong>This is a timely one for me. I was just going through this last week when I was sick & feeling completely overwhelmed by the problems in the world & my outlook on what was happening. It also helps to know that I had missed 2 weeks of my shot. I unfortunately now suffer from low testosterone. I started by shutting off tv (which I barely watch anyway) & talk radio. I even had to stop listening to my favorite AFR Talk. I then removed myself from my wife & son so I didn’t take it out on them for 1 evening.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, I didn’t actually start to get better until I made it to my doctor to get my shot to regain a normal hormonal balance. Other instances usually just require evaluating what’s missing. I told my wife years ago that there are 3 areas that must be in balance for my attitude to be in balance. 1) Regular exercise, 2) Regular church attendance, 3) Regular intimacy. When 1 or more is out of whack, it manifests itself in a poor attitude.<\/p>\n

20.<\/strong> 1st of all the way I deal with a bad attitude, towards a situation or person,\u00a0is to look around and see what is RIGHT, not waddle in self-pity. After the school shootings in Connecticut right before Christmas, my father-in-law dying the day after Christmas and a friend who is 5 about to die any day, I look at my life and I am humbled and grateful that God has still allowed my husband and me, along with our children and grandchildren to still have our health.<\/p>\n

Things aren’t always easy and some of us struggle with finances and disappointments but\u00a0a humble and grateful spirit always reminds me that things could always be worse for us and we could be one of the people dealing with losing a child, losing a job, without a home, etc. If your trials can be fixed,\u00a0a broken heater, car, air conditioner, or etc., just thank God that it can be and you are not dealing\u00a0with life changing experiences.<\/p>\n

21.<\/strong> Hi. I have a chronically\u00a0bad attitude or at least a propensity to have one.\u00a0My\u00a0delightful\u00a0wife of 23 years just passed away 6 weeks ago.\u00a0 She entered the hospital early Thanksgiving morning and died 12\/4.\u00a0 For the 4 kids aged 22-15 and me it was a pretty somber holiday season.\u00a0\u00a0 But I think we and I did overall pretty well and we didn’t have that sour attitude.<\/p>\n

Here’s how I’m getting through it. I’m thankful to God for the great marriage we enjoyed all those years.\u00a0 We have 4 great kids who are all believers and go to church each Sunday.\u00a0\u00a0 The oldest graduated college and is living at home saving money and hopes to settle down some time.\u00a0 Needs a Christian husband. We have a nice mostly paid off home and an excellent church family.<\/p>\n

So it seems simple and it really is.\u00a0\u00a0 Take the focus off of ourselves,\u00a0keep looking to Jesus to care for us and counting our very many blessings. Things could be so much worse.<\/p>\n

22.<\/strong> As a photographer, I love wide-angle lenses, especially when used properly.\u00a0 The photos from these lenses are dull and uninteresting when used simply to get everything in the picture.\u00a0 They are stunning, however, when used in the right perspective.\u00a0 For example, a 20mm lens can be placed relatively close, within inches, of an object and render something relatively close in a very different way with perspective of the overall surroundings, when allowance is made for a large depth of field.\u00a0 When my attitude is bad, I need to take my eyes off the critical up-close focus and increase the f-stop to gain perspective of the whole picture.<\/p>\n

I am a pastor of pastoral care to a congregation of over 2,000 people.\u00a0 The needs and issues are overwhelming at times.\u00a0 In my ministry, I constantly find God calling me back to one simple perspective: see all that there is in light of the cross of Christ and the Christ of the cross.\u00a0 When I reflect on Ps. 118, that even the day of the cross was the day the Lord had made and I can and must rejoice in it, I regain my perspective in my circumstances, and the circumstances of our people.<\/p>\n

There is much more I could write.\u00a0 We were missionaries for 20+ years in West Africa with extended time in bush situations with no electricity, running water, telephone, etc.\u00a0 Mail came every 5 weeks or so.\u00a0 The hospitals I visit regularly are incredible compared to what all of our African friends there had and endured.\u00a0 It does make me very grateful for 24hr. electricity, running water, even hot water, telephones, washing machines, refrigerators, etc. Finally, I remember why things happen.<\/p>\n