{"id":8707,"date":"2013-10-10T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-10-10T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8707"},"modified":"2013-10-10T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-10-10T00:00:00","slug":"reader-comments-date-night","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/archived-content\/reader-comments\/reader-comments-date-night\/","title":{"rendered":"Reader comments date night"},"content":{"rendered":"
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In a Marriage Memo<\/a> on the value of date nights in marriage, we asked readers to share comments and ideas.\u00a0 Here are their responses.<\/em><\/p>\n

1.<\/strong> Oh I am so, so, so very sad to hear that so many couples are not finding a way to create regular date nights \u2026 and by regular I really believe that two nights a month is the absolute minimum! \u00a0And to achieve that I think a couple has to shoot for weekly date nights so that we can have at least two a month.<\/p>\n

My husband and I have been through every financial cycle imaginable in the past 27 years \u2026 yes I’m 52 and have been around a few bends in the road. \u00a0We gave birth to 3 kids in 3.5 years \u2026 ouch! \u00a0So I know a thing or two about juggling schedules and fighting hard for date nights.<\/p>\n

And no \u2026 we never had family around who could\/would baby sit for us \u2026 ever. \u00a0I remember when my two oldest were tiny and I was hugely pregnant with #3 \u2026 waddling shameless into the street and literally flagging a poor unknown high school girl down on her way home from school. We had just moved to Dallas and knew no one that would baby sit. \u00a0I think this poor girl thought I was a crazy woman but that started a wonderful relationship that lasted 9 years, and even though we now live in Washington, DC we still exchange Christmas cards with her entire family. \u00a0We hired her for a “standing date night” every other Saturday or Friday depending on her schedule and I was never disappointed. \u00a0Later when we could afford it we used her every weekend.<\/p>\n

It was always worth cutting other things out of the budget to have a date night with my hubby \u2026 it was my sanity check on more than one occasion.<\/p>\n

Fast forward to today \u2026 Our oldest was married this summer and moved a continent away \u2026 our middle child is 8 hours north of us in college and we just drove our youngest 5 hours south to college.\u00a0 So I was just a little nervous to be an “empty nester” \u2026 would my husband and I have enough conversations to fill the silence? \u00a0no children to juggle \u2026 no games to rehash \u2026 no kid problems to solve (wait who am I kidding \u2026 there are still plenty of those!).<\/p>\n

However, three weeks into this new phase of life we are dancing like the stars! \u00a0We quickly realized the fruit of our labors is being harvested. \u00a0We are madly in love and having a blast. \u00a0Why? I believe with all of my heart it is because we kept our relationship fires tended to. \u00a0When the house cleared out and the constant roar of sound was muted, we discovered there was an us<\/em> hiding under all the wonderful chaos. \u00a0The way my husband kissed me good bye this morning would make my children blush. (grin and sigh)<\/p>\n

So as my hubby and I celebrate our anniversary this week, we indeed have a lot to celebrate. \u00a0God has been good and I think we were obedient to keep our priorities clear. \u00a0It was never easy, but oh my it was so worth it! And yes, we still have date nights!<\/p>\n

2.<\/strong> My husband and I, before we were married, made a commitment that we would do date night at the very least every other week. My husband has two younger children that are with us every other week. So the weeks they are not with us is our time. Some weeks we have more than one day night. My children are older and the week that we have the little ones my kids offer to spend an hour or so since that know that date night is non-negotiable, so on those weeks we go out for dessert only after we have\u00a0dinner with the little ones.<\/p>\n

Some date night outings consist of dinner, movie,\u00a0dessert only,\u00a0just alone time,\u00a0even if it is for\u00a045 minutes to an hour we both feel it is one of the most important things to do together.<\/p>\n

In our pre-marriage agreement we decided to have date night (weekly or bi weekly), marriage conference (once a year), but prayer every day no matter what. We have both been married in the past and knew that if these things were not part of our future we would not agree to marry. We both give God the glory and know the need for Him to be in the center even in our date night time.<\/p>\n

3.<\/strong> We swap with another couple whose children are friends with our kids.\u00a0 They go out one month while we watch their kids, and then we’ll switch the following month.\u00a0 It gives the kids a play date, doesn’t cost anything for babysitting, and it gives us something to look forward to!\u00a0 I definitely recommend finding another couple you can swap with.<\/span><\/p>\n

4.<\/strong> My husband and I once led a couples ministry at our local church; and there we would take various trips.\u00a0 We would hear how they would be so excited to be able to get away for just a day.\u00a0 We would have chartered bus rides to historical locations as well as mini cruises, trying to set the atmosphere for them to have a one-on-one moment.\u00a0 In our teaching we would stress that you don\u2019t just wait for our ministry trips, but you should plan and do them on your own. If not weekly, biweekly.<\/p>\n

My husband and I [do] date night, which may consist of tickets to a jazz concert or a packed lunch at the fishing hole.\u00a0 During the spring\/summer we would take rides to nowhere every Sunday.\u00a0 We often laugh and say we would write a book on how to travel on a dime!<\/p>\n

5. <\/strong>My wife and I try to have a date night a minimum of once a month \u2026 \u00a0and shoot for going every two weeks or more when possible.\u00a0 We do have two children, ages 3 and 6.\u00a0 We are blessed to have [someone] not too far from our home that enjoys keeping them.<\/p>\n

The reason for my writing is to direct you to a website I found about\u00a0a year ago (I have no affiliation whatsoever with the site or people that run it) from the \u2018about\u2019 page I leaned that it is run by a group of Christian married women that encourage creative date nights with their spouses.\u00a0 The site is stock full of creative fun date ideas.\u00a0 The site is called www.thedatingdivas.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I can\u2019t recommend them enough!<\/p>\n

6. <\/strong>We believe in date nights and do not miss one week.\u00a0 We’ve been married for 35 years and together for 42 years. After our first 6 years of marriage ministry and children became the priorities.\u00a0 Dates were few and far between and with that so was our communication which was in the toilet.\u00a0 Things got so bad, we planned to divorce.\u00a0 Some close friends of ours invited us to a married couples retreat and that weekend we repented to Our Lord, to each other and started all over again.\u00a0 At the retreat we were very much encouraged to have a date night a minimum of one per week and to pray together every day.<\/p>\n

We immediately did just that.\u00a0 To my surprise my husband declared our date nights as Friday nights.\u00a0 He told all the family, friends, ministry leaders and church friends that Friday was our date night and he is committed to date night with “his bride”.\u00a0 That blessed me more than words can ever say.\u00a0 That was 29 years ago and we have not only had date nights (sometimes all day dates) every Friday.\u00a0 We also, in addition to our family vacation, take a vacation together every year for a week.\u00a0 It’s Jim, my husband and me, on vacation just the two of us for a week!\u00a0 It’s exciting and we cherish our time together.\u00a0 What we have seen is our kids think it is great and as we prepare them for their marriages, we know date nights will exist for them and so we are leaving that, along with other things, as a legacy for our children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and generations to come.<\/p>\n

We have fun spending time together.\u00a0 On one date we were both tired but we\u00a0went to Barnes and Nobles anyway.\u00a0 We had hot tea and went back to sit in the comfortable chairs to talk.\u00a0 We held hands and to our amazement, we fell asleep holding hands.\u00a0 Little did we know we became an example for the employees.\u00a0\u00a0Afterwards we came home opened the moon roof to the car and sat in our driveway looking at the stars and moon while talking.\u00a0 We have a rule no discussion about the kids (now adults), and no finances, just time to talk about us and our Lord.<\/p>\n

So our date nights vary from getting take out and a movie, going to the library and getting books and movies,\u00a0having dinner at Sam’s Club, dinner on\u00a0Valentine’s night with an overnight stay, a picnic in the park and feeding the ducks, spending a\u00a0night driving around to\u00a0see Christmas lights\/decorations, enjoying an upscale dinner for two “just because” and many, many other dates throughout the years.\u00a0 It’s a beautiful thing and we cannot imagine not having our special time together on a date day, date afternoon or date night.\u00a0 They all work wonderfully!<\/p>\n

7. <\/strong>Just wanted to let you know that a date night or date day is a necessity to every marriage no matter how long you have been married (40 years for us this past August). It hasn\u2019t been a smooth road but only by God\u2019s grace, she has put up with me. We try to do something as often as we can, and spontaneous seems to work the best whenever possible. Saturday we got up and decided to go for a bike ride and it was so much fun that we did a different one in the afternoon. So yes, it doesn\u2019t have to be an expensive date just meaningful to both.<\/p>\n

8. <\/strong>As a Pastor my time is pulled in many directions and can be limited if I am not careful. Every Monday is my day off and since my wife, as I like to call her, is a Home Economics Engineer, also known as a stay at home wife\/mommy, we take Mondays as our day together. We have from 8:15 a.m. till 2:15 p.m. to focus on each other, before our two children begin coming home. On our date day, we talk about life, read the Bible together, take walks, laugh, cry if in a tough conversation, have lunch and reconnect. After a crazy week and a fulfilling full Sunday, Monday’s are refreshing. We are protective of our Monday\u2014no kids, no work and minimal use of phones.<\/p>\n

I have found that this time has continued to strengthen our marriage, allowing us to talk without \u201cMommy, I need \u2026 \u201d or \u201cDaddy, can you \u2026 \u201c We love our children deeply, but my wife and I agree our marriage is a priority. Once a month we go on a “fancy” date which is always fun but we truly look forward to our day together to learn more about who we are.<\/p>\n

9. <\/strong>Just a thought: Date night does have to cost anything.\u00a0 My husband and I rarely leave the house for a date.\u00a0 We have five boys, ages 5-12.\u00a0 Getting a babysitter can be difficult and expensive.\u00a0 My parents do babysit whenever we ask, but they have 22 grand kids in town so we would be selfish to ask too often or even monthly.\u00a0 However, almost every Friday night we let our boys watch a movie and we go to the front porch or couch and talk.\u00a0 It is a necessary time.\u00a0 Just the two of us, focused on each other and our week and our weekend and our marriage and our struggles and stresses.<\/p>\n

It is valuable and I hate to miss it.\u00a0 Unless we actually are going out on a date, I don’t like to do anything else on Friday night.\u00a0 The boys get a break from school with the treat of a movie (our TV is never on except on Friday night and Saturday cartoons) and we get focused time for usually two hours.\u00a0 No interruptions.\u00a0 After the boys go to bed we usually conclude our evening with a movie or TV show and snuggle in bed while watching something.\u00a0 All very important to our intimacy–conversation and non-sexual touch.<\/p>\n

Thought I’d share because I am passionate about the importance of focused time with your spouse.<\/p>\n

10. <\/strong>One solution we found that helped the cost a little: We would go out after the kids went to bed; babysitters were willing to accept a lower rate if they did not have to actually take care of the children. \u00a0Coffee and a shared dessert in a usually pretty empty restaurant makes for some nice connecting time.<\/p>\n

11. <\/strong>We have to be intentional and put our time alone on our calendar and think of it as a doctor’s appointment we would not dare miss!\u00a0 If we plan to go out for dinner we seek to support a family owned restaurant that has recently opened instead of a mainstream one and one we have not tried yet. We then can recommend it to others and feel good about helping them get established in the community. Or often times I will plan an intimate meal for just the two of us to eat together after our kids have gone to bed.<\/p>\n

12. <\/strong>We are blessed to have my in-laws living only two miles from our home. Since our son was about 12 (he’s 17 now), they have kept him every Tuesday night. So, we claimed Tuesday as date night.<\/p>\n

I never realized what we were missing by not doing a regular date night. Since we’ve been doing them, we’ve definitely become closer. We communicate more & argue less. I actually miss him if our schedules are hectic & I haven’t spoken with him all day. We have merged our parenting styles rather than playing “good cop\/bad cop”. We work together as a team more easily. And we have made a conscious effort about spending quiet time as a family. Need I mention, our intimate moments have increased as well?<\/p>\n

I made my husband a Date Night Calendar for our anniversary a couple of years ago. It included 52 different date night options of which he would choose by placing on the calendar each week. We have a limited budget so it was mostly inexpensive dates such as: test driving our dream cars, a scenic drive & picnic, cooking an ethnic meal together, candle-lit dinner in front of the Christmas tree, enjoying a bonfire w\/ foil dinners & s’mores.<\/p>\n

My favorite however, were when we did a six-week Bible study on how to be parents to teenagers. It gave us the opportunity to learn new things about one another by discussing our teen years. We were also able to get an idea for each other’s parenting styles w\/o getting defensive.<\/p>\n

Another great thing about Tuesday’s being date night is that there are less crowds & better deals on meals.<\/p>\n

13. <\/strong>My husband and I will be celebrating 50 years of marriage in December, and believe me you still have to make an effort to show each other the love and respect you have for each other.\u00a0 Do not assume the other knows. Words and actions play a big part in building each other up.<\/p>\n

We try to do something every week to get away and just enjoy private time together.\u00a0 When the weather permits we get outdoors and go to a park, walk, talk, sometimes just be silent and be. \u00a0When the weather is not so good we go somewhere indoors; there are many free things to do. \u00a0We go to the budget theater to see not-so=new releases, and take advantage of senior discounts everywhere.\u00a0 My husband has to twist my arm (not) to go to Chick-fil-A.<\/p>\n

If we are out running errands or doing nothing in particular, our way of always connecting is to hold hands.\u00a0 We never leave each other to work, etc., without giving each other a kiss and a hug, you never know it could be the last.\u00a0 Each day in some way we say I love you and mean it!\u00a0 We do not have much money and still work to supplement what we do have.\u00a0 It is amazing the small acts of kindness you can do not just for others, but each other. \u00a0No, life is not worry free, but that is why the Lord gave us each other.\u00a0 He meant us to be a team through all the ups and downs, not just the good times.<\/p>\n

It is so very important to take your vows seriously and appreciate what is right beside you.<\/p>\n

14. <\/strong>Our children are 16 and 21, so it’s not as hard as it used to be to find time to spend without interruption.\u00a0 We manage a date night at least a couple of times a month, sometimes more.\u00a0 On the weeks when we don’t leave the house, we’ll go for a walk together or sit on the porch together and talk. And we don’t mind finding a movie on Netflix and trading foot rubs while we watch together. It doesn’t have to cost a dime to make time for each other.<\/span><\/p>\n

One of our favorite things to do is pack a picnic lunch and go hiking to area waterfalls near our home. We are firm believers in date night, whether it’s out of the house or in \u2026 shut off the TV, computer and all the rest and just talk.\u00a0 It really does make all the difference. Soon you’ll wonder how you managed without it!<\/span><\/p>\n

15. <\/strong>When our daughter was six years old she begged to have swimming lessons. Another friend of hers joined in lessons with her. Every Friday night the girls would take turns to sleep over at each other’s homes. So, once a fortnight, we had a date night!<\/p>\n

16. <\/strong>Every second week, one of us plans and arranges a date as a surprise. Anything is possible, and early on in the evening we inform the other about the dress code or the location. Last date night we sat in big cozy chairs in front of a fireplace at a local hotel bar and ordered sushi!<\/p>\n

It’s my turn next and my plan is:\u00a0 get dressed up and drive separately to a restaurant or so, and pretend we are on a blind date, meeting for the first time.<\/p>\n

17. <\/strong>When our kids were small, elementary age, and we were still paying off student loans, my husband and I would get up extra early one morning a week just to be together.\u00a0 Our splurge was instant cappuccino.\u00a0 If tiredness overruled, we mandated the kids play outside while we indulged in our cups of cappuccino together for an hour after school.\u00a0 My husband taught high school.\u00a0 Cappuccino Tuesdays.<\/p>\n

With high school kids and my husband’s career change into a pastor, our on-demand evenings mean we carve out time in the afternoon.\u00a0 We often grab a to-go drink from the house and drive to a small pond with a fountain.\u00a0 Simply watching the water spray and talking for a while is calming and bonding.<\/p>\n

18. <\/strong>This made me really sad to read [about couples who do not take time for date night].\u00a0 It takes me back two years ago at church when a group of us were struggling.\u00a0 At that time I was a single mom and also needed time away.<\/p>\n

Our solution was we have four families in a co-op.\u00a0 We each have a Saturday each month where we host the kids in our home.\u00a0 This allows for three free Saturday nights for couples to re-connect for 5 hours.\u00a0 Within the five hours many things can be achieved.<\/p>\n

We have not only found that this is wonderful time for the parents, but also for the kids.\u00a0 The kids have grown together as a small group mentoring each other, helping out where needed, bonded close friendships, done local missions together and much much more.\u00a0 People see us out in the community with these kids (nine total) and they know who they are and if not it gives us a chance to minister how this has benefited our lives.<\/p>\n

God provided for all of our needs when we formed this co-op.\u00a0 We give Him the glory for putting us all together. As we start our third year, we are praying for many others to find a group they can connect with to allow for this quality time of togetherness.<\/p>\n

19. <\/strong>This email absolutely broke my heart.\u00a0 If we didn\u2019t \u201cdate\u201d I don\u2019t know where our marriage would be.\u00a0 Life is soooo stressFULL.\u00a0 It is too easy to forget all of the wonderful things you love about each other.<\/p>\n

There are seasons where we can go out every week, but more often we are able to go out about once or twice a month.\u00a0 We also have two events every year that my husband and I go out of town for without the kids, one is our alumni weekend at our alma mater (we graduated from the same university) and the other is a Winshape Marriage Retreat.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m guessing that people have the biggest problem with getting someone to watch their kids so they can go out.\u00a0 Here are some ideas for getting help with the kids so you can get out on a date!<\/p>\n