{"id":8506,"date":"2012-06-14T18:20:00","date_gmt":"2012-06-14T23:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8506"},"modified":"2012-06-14T18:20:00","modified_gmt":"2012-06-14T23:20:00","slug":"two-stupid-things-husbands-and-wives-do-to-each-other","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/marriage-challenges\/understanding-differences\/two-stupid-things-husbands-and-wives-do-to-each-other\/","title":{"rendered":"Two Stupid Things Husbands and Wives Do to Each Other"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\" fetchpriority=\"high\"><\/div><p>Cupidity: where love and stupid meet.\u00a0Stupid love\u2014ever experienced it?\u00a0Ever wished you hadn\u2019t?\u00a0We believe that stupid is as stupid loves.\u00a0Think stupid thoughts, and end up with a stupid mind.\u00a0Do stupid things, and, well, you get the picture.\u00a0But hey, who hasn\u2019t been stupid?\u00a0Especially in love.<\/p>\n<p>Most of the time when people experience Cupidity, it\u2019s because of the lies they\u2019ve bought and the truth they\u2019ve not.\u00a0Stupid lies, like thinking men and women are basically the same.\u00a0You assume they have the same needs, motivations, and desires, so love should be easy.\u00a0Just give \u2019em what <em>you<\/em> want, and you\u2019ll get back more of the same.\u00a0But then you do something like ask him what he\u2019s thinking, or you tell her that something she\u2019s worried about is \u201cno big deal.\u201d\u00a0And your idea of what the opposite sex is thinking unravels right in front of you.<\/p>\n<p>But don\u2019t worry\u2014acts of Cupidity aren\u2019t disastrous, and they are most often reversible.\u00a0They\u2019re just what some like to call opportunities to \u201cfail forward.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Every failure at love is just a chance for you to learn more about what <em>not<\/em> to do.\u00a0The following are two examples.<\/p>\n<p><strong>For her:\u00a0Loving who you want him to become instead of who he is.\u00a0<\/strong>Women are very good at spotting potential.\u00a0Granted, in some cases that might be because there\u2019s not a lot more than potential there, but the truth is, they tend to major in it.\u00a0It doesn\u2019t matter if it\u2019s putting together a new outfit or designing a new living space, women have the propensity to nest, visualize, accessorize, and make over.\u00a0When it comes to who a woman picks for a husband, she often sees him as he will be one day.\u00a0Will he provide?\u00a0Will he be successful?\u00a0Will he love her the way she wants to be loved?\u00a0If he isn\u2019t there yet, a woman often just navigates based on the road map she has created for him.<\/p>\n<p>And while many men have great potential, not all of them have an interest in said potential.\u00a0In other words, if he isn\u2019t who she wants him to be right now, he might never be.\u00a0And Cupidity of it all is that she has fallen in love with an imaginary person instead of the one who is right in front of her.\u00a0Everyone has potential, but when that\u2019s what a woman falls in love with, she\u2019s essentially saying, \u201cI\u2019m not in love with you; I\u2019m in love with the future you.\u201d\u00a0While that might make sense and sound inspiring to the female ear, to the object of these so-called affections, it sounds like rejection.<\/p>\n<p>And it is also a bit self-obsessed, isn\u2019t it?\u00a0I\u2019m okay with you, but I\u2019m really in love with my projection of who you could become.\u00a0You\u2019ll do as long as someday you become more.\u00a0Ouch.\u00a0That hurts the masculine heart, which wants to be loved for who he is, not who she wants him to be.\u00a0When a woman thinks this way, she doesn\u2019t have to say anything\u2014he just knows.\u00a0He knows because there are all kinds of signs that betray her heart.\u00a0The biggest is that she has a weird fascination with changing him.\u00a0She wants him to wear this instead of that.\u00a0She wants him to take down that moose head and put up this Monet.\u00a0She wants him to be more like her\u2014to share his emotions and be more talkative or social.\u00a0She wants him to have a better job, one that suits her\u2014er, uh, him\u2014better than his current comic-book store managerial position.<\/p>\n<p>She pushes him out of his comfort zone, sure, but he feels a bit like a guy up in an airplane who might consider jumping \u2026 if the time were right and if he had a parachute.\u00a0And behind him is a woman who is so confident that he can do it without a chute that she pushes him out of the plane when he isn\u2019t looking.\u00a0Frightening \u2026 and dangerous.\u00a0The irony of the whole thing is that a guy will change if he has a desire to change.\u00a0But if he\u2019s pressed to change, he will most likely do the opposite and resist.\u00a0So neither party gets the desired outcome from the situation.\u00a0It\u2019s a lose-lose relationship.<\/p>\n<p><strong>For him:\u00a0Loving who she was instead of who she is.\u00a0<\/strong>While women are always hoping that things will improve, men are hoping things <em>won\u2019t <\/em>change.\u00a0When a man picks out a woman, he picks out just what he wants and has no delusions about making her into something more.\u00a0No, he sees a woman, likes her, and chooses her, not imagining her five years down the road\u2014that\u2019s too much work.\u00a0So when she starts to change, he sees the old bait and switch coming on, and he groans.\u00a0Men don\u2019t see women as diamonds in the rough or worthy renovation projects.\u00a0They typically don\u2019t find excitement in change but instead wonder, <em>What happened?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>This can lead to quite a bit of discord when change inevitably starts to happen.\u00a0There are always areas of change that are going to make a man\u2019s life \u201cworse\u201d than it was in the beginning of the relationship.\u00a0Whether due to natural biological aging or a woman \u201cletting herself go,\u201d when the things that were important to him start to disappear, he panics \u2026 and understandably so.\u00a0In the areas of looks, sex, and play, men don\u2019t do too well when things change, because change usually means \u201cget worse\u201d for him.\u00a0But a man has to understand that a good woman is going to change\u2014physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.\u00a0Because as believers, we should all be continually improving, and improvement requires change.<\/p>\n<p>The wise man will look at all change in the life of his woman through the lens of God\u2019s Word.\u00a0If her change is more toward holiness and faith, then her change should encourage his own changes in the same direction.\u00a0But if her change is more toward selfishness and worldliness, then it is his job as a leader to say something.\u00a0This is important for the woman of God to understand.\u00a0If her man points out her error\u2014if he sees a change in her that takes her away from obedience and toward worldliness and he points it out\u2014she should be quick to listen and quick to agree with him.<\/p>\n<p>Change is rarely easy, but it is required in the life of one who is striving to become more like Christ.\u00a0So men should not be afraid of change; they should be conscious of it and its impact on the souls of their wives.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><i>Adapted from<\/i>\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.tyndale.com\/p\/cupidity\/3418\/e-book\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Cupidity: 50 Stupid Things People Do for Love and How to Avoid Them<\/a>\u00a0<i>by Hayley and Michael DiMarco.\u00a0 Copyright \u00a9 2010 by Hungry Planet, LLC.\u00a0 Used by permission of Tyndale House Publisher, Inc.\u00a0 All rights reserved.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever committed one of these acts of 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