{"id":8492,"date":"2012-09-11T13:41:00","date_gmt":"2012-09-11T18:41:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8492"},"modified":"2012-09-11T13:41:00","modified_gmt":"2012-09-11T18:41:00","slug":"bringing-out-the-best-in-your-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/marriage-challenges\/understanding-differences\/bringing-out-the-best-in-your-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"Bringing Out the Best in Your Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

I will never forget what transpired between a former associate pastor and his wife. Sister Davis would approach Brother Davis at the end of Sunday service with her hands on her hips and attitude written all over her face. Just like a well-memorized script, she would say, \u201cDavis, let\u2019s go, boy. I\u2019m hungry!\u201d Immediately, he would snap back at her, \u201cWait until I get through with my conversation!\u201d<\/p>\n

Sister Davis would then respond, \u201cLook, boy. We\u2019ve been here since 8:00 a.m. and after three services, I\u2019m hungry. Wrap that conversation up so we can go.\u201d It would make her just that much angrier when he would coolly respond, \u201cI said, \u2018we\u2019ll go when I finish talking with my pastor and these brothers.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Just as a reminder to him, she would stomp away and sulk within visible distance. This scenario was repeated virtually every Sunday for several years. After a while, when I just couldn\u2019t take it any longer, I called her one Sunday evening and the following conversation ensued.<\/p>\n

\u201cSister Davis, this is Pastor Ford.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHello, Pastor.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow are you this fine Sunday evening?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, to be honest , Pastor, I\u2019m trying to recover from my ordeal with my husband. He knows we\u2019re at church nearly six hours every Sunday and sometimes we haven\u2019t even had breakfast. Yet, after the services have ended, he has to stand around running his mouth with the fellas. Every Sunday I tell him not to do that but every Sunday it\u2019s the same thing. The worst part is that we fuss and argue from the time we leave the parking lot, we eat our meal in silence, and then we go to bed sleeping back to back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSister Davis, I\u2019d like to help you change all of that, if you\u2019ll let me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course, I will let you, Pastor. Just tell him to start being more sensitive to me on Sundays and maybe that will do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t believe that\u2019s the answer, Sister Davis.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, what is it, Pastor?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, the Bible teaches that a man needs respect. Right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I know that it does.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, do you think he feels respected when you approach him while he is talking to other men, commanding him with your hands on your hips and calling him boy<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNow, Pastor, we call each other boy and girl on a regular basis. And\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cWait, please hear me out before you go on the defensive. Let me suggest that next Sunday, instead of taking your usual stance, try this instead: Don\u2019t approach him like you\u2019re angry. Walk up to him and say, \u2018Excuse me, gentlemen.\u2019 Then say, \u2018Sweetheart, may I speak to you in private for a moment?\u2019 When he says okay, put your arms around his waist, look into his eyes, and softly say, \u2018Baby, I\u2019m hungry. Let\u2019s leave and get something to eat, please.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

On the following Sunday evening, I was well into my after-hours worship services ritual, meaning I was allowing the TV to watch me. Then, my wife woke me up with an apology. She said, \u201cHoney, I apologize for waking you up, but Sister Davis is on the phone. I told her that I didn\u2019t want to wake you but she said that it was urgent.\u201d<\/p>\n

I answered the phone only to hear the very enthusiastic voice of Sister Davis exclaiming, \u201cOh, Pastor, I\u2019m sorry for having Sister Leslie wake you up, but I had to let you know that I did exactly what you instructed me to. And I must say that we had the best Sunday we\u2019ve had in years. When I said what you suggested, he said, \u2018Okay, Baby.\u2019 Then he turned to the brothers and told them he would talk with them later. He said, \u2018I have to take my honey out to eat.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPastor, we had a very pleasant conversation on the way to dinner. We also had a great conversation over dinner. Then, we went home and did something on a Sunday evening that hadn\u2019t happened in many years. So just had to tell you how much I appreciate your showing me how to be a better wife to my husband.\u201d<\/p>\n

I laugh about this incident every time I think about it. Now, this story could have been a reverse situation where the husband needed some advice on how to treat his wife. But the reality is that it reinforces one of God\u2019s reasons for creating marriage\u2014the \u201cperfecting\u201d reason.<\/p>\n

Completing each other<\/h2>\n

Did you know that as a married couple you and your mate are supposed to bring out the best qualities in each other? One of the main reasons why God created marriage was to create a spiritual reception between the husband and wife to prepare them for just that purpose. In fact, I call it the perfecting reason.<\/p>\n

The way in which God brought together the first two individuals was so that they would accept each other in their respective roles. In Adam\u2019s acceptance of Eve as his counterpart he fulfilled God\u2019s design for the man\u2019s role in marriage. Adam was now complete in every sense of his being.<\/p>\n

The same is true of Eve\u2019s existence. The moment God created her out of the man and joined her together with her counterpart, Eve\u2019s total makeup as a woman was complete. The couple graciously received their individual parts and the two became one flesh just as the three members of the Trinity are one God.<\/p>\n

Together, the man and woman became a fulfillment of God\u2019s desire for them to complete each other in matrimony. But what does it really mean for one person to complete another? And how do we recognize it when we think in terms of a marriage relationship? At first glance, two people \u201ccompleting\u201d each other sounds like the sugary words from the lyrics of an old love song. But it goes much deeper than that. It is a God-inspired idea.<\/p>\n

When a man and woman complete each other it means they are positioned to enrich each other\u2019s lives. And that is what the perfecting reason for marriage is all about. To \u201cperfect\u201d something or someone means to make it or them better. God set this pattern so that what takes place in a marriage union is that the husband and wife receive each other in a physical and spiritual way. It is how He intends for us to perfect each other.<\/p>\n

Building each other up<\/h2>\n

In a spiritual sense, Adam was an incomplete being before God created Eve. He was physically intact but something was missing from his life. He did not have everything that he needed to match the blueprint God had drawn up for the human family that He was planning to live on earth. So, God caused Adam to sleep and took a piece of his rib to create Eve.<\/p>\n

Now, Adam was half the man he used to be because a physical part of him was taken away. But God used that same part to create Eve. In His wisdom, this was all part of His plan to form a partnership so that the individual partners would not just coexist but they would actually complete each other.<\/p>\n

Moreover, God gave the man and woman the ability to better each other\u2019s experience on earth. This is a lifelong process; it doesn\u2019t happen overnight. When you think about your own relationship, you will most likely agree that there is always room for improvement.<\/p>\n

Well, just as He did for the first couple, God made preparations for you and your spouse to develop and improve your relationship over time. Even the little things that you do when you treat each other with kindness such as anticipating her needs, rubbing his tired feet, and sending flowers for no apparent reason. These are things that build each other up.<\/p>\n

Brother and Sister Davis were doing just the opposite by being on a destructive path of tearing each other down. It only took a simple suggestion to help them turn their situation around. When Sister Davis acted on it, they both got the benefit.<\/p>\n

The same applies to you and your spouse. You can only reach the kind of perfection God wants for you by showing love toward one another. This is what Sister Davis realized when she took my advice. When she began to approach her husband in a positive way, then he was able to respond favorably to her. The change in behavior that she adopted proved successful to get both of them results they were pleased with.<\/p>\n

That change took their attention away from their negativity and shined the spotlight on their love. That\u2019s what God is talking about.<\/p>\n

\n

Excerpted from<\/em> Seven Reasons Why God Created Marriage by James Ford. Published by Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois \u00a9 2009 by James Ford. Used with permission.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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