{"id":8486,"date":"2012-03-26T16:47:00","date_gmt":"2012-03-26T21:47:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8486"},"modified":"2012-03-26T16:47:00","modified_gmt":"2012-03-26T21:47:00","slug":"her-husband-wouldnt-speak-to-her-for-three-years","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/marriage-challenges\/spiritually-mismatched\/her-husband-wouldnt-speak-to-her-for-three-years\/","title":{"rendered":"Her Husband Wouldn\u2019t Speak to Her\u2014for Three Years"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\" fetchpriority=\"high\"><\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For 20 years, their marriage and family seemed solid.&nbsp;June and Lamar Sims raised their children in church and attended a parenting seminar.&nbsp;But the good life began to change when their engaged daughter revealed she was expecting a child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThat really threw Lamar for a loop,\u201d June recalls.&nbsp;\u201cHe thought none of that would happen with our kids.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Lamar became angry at God.&nbsp;He stopped going to church, didn\u2019t want blessings at meals, and removed pictures of missionaries from the family refrigerator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The unexpected pregnancy began a series of crises in Lamar\u2019s life. Over the next several years, he had back surgery, two hip replacements, lost his job, and was forced to go on disability.&nbsp;In addition, a child ran away from home, and another daughter went through several years of rebellion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Lamar\u2019s anger and bitterness increased, and it became more and more difficult for June to be around her husband. Nothing she said or did would please him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">After 34 years of marriage, Lamar said he wanted a divorce. \u201cI don\u2019t love you, I don\u2019t need you, I don\u2019t want you,\u201d he told his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But June still loved Lamar, and she didn\u2019t want to end their marriage.&nbsp;When she refused to divorce Lamar he said, \u201cWell, just leave me alone.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And so Lamar and June continued living in the same house, but they didn\u2019t speak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For three years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 30px;margin-bottom:15px;line-height:1.1em\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">&#8216;They thought I was being foolish&#8217;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">During these years of silence, Lamar and June communicated by writing notes to one another and leaving them on the refrigerator door.&nbsp;Even though Lamar did not want a relationship with his wife, he asked her to continue cooking for him. So after coming home from work, June prepared dinner for him and then ate her meal in her bedroom. This arrangement went on for about two years, until Lamar said that he didn\u2019t want June cooking for him anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">June continued to wash Lamar\u2019s clothes, cut the yard, and serve him in other ways to prevent herself from becoming bitter. \u201cMy poor daddy would come out,&#8221; June recalls, &#8220;and he\u2019d just cry, \u2018June, why are you doing this?\u2019\u201d&nbsp;Her parents and children (who were now adults) begged her to divorce Lamar. They feared she was in danger and envisioned her living in misery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThey thought I was just being foolish.\u201d June says. \u201cThey\u2019d say things like, \u2018God doesn\u2019t want you to suffer like this,\u2019 or \u2018God doesn\u2019t work that way,\u2019 or \u2018God gives you common sense.\u2019\u201d Yet June wanted to please God, and she believed He wanted her to remain in the marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Alone in her bedroom, she focused on God and the Word. \u201cI was in His classroom,\u201d she says, \u201cand I had ears to hear. God was in the pruning process in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In the beginning she thought that her marriage problems were all Lamar\u2019s fault. But she began recognizing says that she had failed him. \u201cI had not put him first,\u201d June says. \u201cI put the kids before him \u2026 and church, too.\u201d She also says she didn\u2019t show him proper respect. June realized that she had looked to Lamar to make her happy when true happiness comes from God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 30px;margin-bottom:15px;line-height:1.1em\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">&#8216;Keep me in the fire \u2026 &#8216;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As weeks turned into months, June focused less on earning Lamar\u2019s love and respect and more on allowing the Lord to shape her into His image. She kept a journal, and one of her entries read:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>I\u2019m not going to ask You to shorten the days of my adversity if these days mean knowing You better. If these days mean You\u2019re changing me, keep me in the fire until Your work in me is complete \u2026 Just give me the grace and the strength to remain faithful and true in You to glorify You. I want to learn all You want me to learn. I don\u2019t want this to be wasted time.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">On another day she wrote:&nbsp;<em>Lord, I cannot change this man but You can change me.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When June found herself dwelling on the things that Lamar had done that upset her she would immediately start praising the Lord out loud. She eventually accepted the fact that Lamar might never be a part of her life and was satisfied with just the Lord.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">After three years, God had a final lesson for June: dealing with unforgiveness. &nbsp;In her mind she imagined telling Lamar how he had hurt her. \u201cI forgave him,\u201d she says, \u201cand released him from it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Shortly after that, she actually spoke to Lamar and asked him if they could get some emergency lights that burned on gas.&nbsp;He simply answered, \u201cNo.\u201d &nbsp;But since they were talking, she told Lamar that she still loved him and had not meant things that she had said in anger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Lamar sternly replied, \u201cJune, you think things are going to get better, but they are not.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But June also recalls that there was something different after this short conversation. She sensed a softness in her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 30px;margin-bottom:15px;line-height:1.1em\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">&#8216;June, if you\u2019ve got time, come here a minute&#8217;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A few days after their brief conversation, Lamar spoke again to June.&nbsp;In a soft voice he asked if she and her father would clear off a hillside on their property where he wanted to plant grass for the deer. \u201cI knew he wasn\u2019t going to thank me,\u201d she says, \u201cbut I did it as unto the Lord.\u201d &nbsp;Sure enough, after June and her father cleared the hillside, Lamar showed no appreciation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">About six weeks later, she was stunned to hear Lamar say, \u201cJune, if you\u2019ve got time come here a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He continued, \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking. I know that I said things to hurt you and you said things to hurt me but if you want to we\u2019ll try to make a go of it.\u201d June said she wanted to try to make the marriage work, even though Lamar said he didn\u2019t know if he would ever love her again. &nbsp;&nbsp;\u201cAnd it wasn\u2019t two weeks before he was calling me darling and telling me he loved me,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">June purposefully focused on his good qualities and says doing this revolutionized their marriage. \u201cIt was almost like we were in a contest,\u201d she says, \u201cto see who was going to outdo the other.\u201d The more she showed respect to Lamar, the more he wanted to show his love to her. She also made sure Lamar knew how much she appreciated him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 30px;margin-bottom:15px;line-height:1.1em\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">&#8216;I can\u2019t believe we\u2019re having so much fun in our 60s&#8217;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The following years were sweet for the Sims. \u201cWe thoroughly enjoyed our time together,\u201d June says. \u201cWe talked and talked.\u201d They took rides together in a golf cart on their 160 acres and walked hand-in-hand through the woods. June describes Lamar as being more patient, more understanding, more affectionate\u2014different in every way.&nbsp;At one point Lamar said, \u201cI can\u2019t believe we\u2019re having so much fun in our 60s.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cHe was always telling me, \u2018I love you,\u2019\u201d June says, \u201cand every night he\u2019d go to bed and say, \u2018I really appreciate all you do.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">On June 21, 2004, Lamar and June repeated their marriage vows in a pastor\u2019s home\u2014just as they had done 41 years earlier. \u201cI was about in tears,\u201d June says, \u201cand so was he because it was so precious that we were doing it again.\u201d As Lamar and June drove back to their home from the pastor\u2019s house, they talked about the good times in their marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In July 2006 Lamar became short-winded when he walked from his parked truck into the house. With June\u2019s prompting, he saw a doctor who sent him to an oncologist, who found cancer in the spleen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThe doctor said his spleen had to go,\u201d June says. \u201cIt was six times larger than it was supposed to be.\u201d Lamar\u2019s spleen was removed a few weeks later, but other complications set in and, as June says, \u201cIt was all downhill.\u201d &nbsp;Lamar died from pneumonia just five months after visiting the oncologist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 30px;margin-bottom:15px;line-height:1.1em\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">&#8216;I wondered why God gave you to me&#8217;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Realizing that time was short for Lamar, daughter Carol had a heart-to-heart conversation with him. \u201cI know that you know that everybody is a sinner,\u201d she said, \u201cand we need Jesus and He\u2019s the only way to heaven.\u201d She asked Lamar to ask Jesus into his life if he had any doubts. Unable to speak, Lamar nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Although not sure when Lamar actually accepted Christ, June has peace about his salvation. During the last year of his life he told June that he had been watching her sleep. \u201cI wondered why God gave you to me,\u201d he said. The next morning he repeated, \u201cI just wonder why God gave you to me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI\u2019ve asked God that same question,\u201d June says. \u201cI think it was so he could get saved.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">During Lamar&#8217;s final hours, June and their four grown children sat with Lamar in the hospital and sang songs, beginning with \u201cAmazing Grace\u201d and continuing through every hymn they could recall from memory. &nbsp;&nbsp;They read Scripture to him and reminisced over the good times they had enjoyed over the years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">June remembers leaning across Lamar and whispering into his ear that she loved him and appreciated all that he had done for her. He nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Lamar took his last breath at 4:30 a.m. on Monday, January 22, 2007, just five months after he first visited the oncologist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 30px;margin-bottom:15px;line-height:1.1em\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">&#8216;We don\u2019t want to miss out on what God has to teach us&#8217;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">June is grateful that she did not divorce Lamar \u2026 and so are her children and grandchildren.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">At one time, daughter Wanda and her husband separated. \u201cI wanted out,\u201d Wanda says. Then she remembered how June would tell her to put her feelings aside and seek what God wanted her to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cBecause my Mama could go through what she did with Daddy,\u201d she says, \u201c[I knew] the Lord would also give me the strength to be able to make it through with my husband.\u201d Wanda has a strong marriage today and attributes that to her mother\u2019s example.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">June and Lamar\u2019s youngest daughter, Shirley, says that her mother\u2019s faithfulness also changed her life. \u201cThe Lord used it to bring me to a personal relationship with Him,\u201d she says, \u201cto start dealing with my anger and bitterness, to bond my husband and me together \u2026 and basically turn my life 180 degrees.\u201d Shirley says her mom\u2019s example has caused her to look at her own marriage as a life-long covenant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">June\u2019s children have seen what God did in their parents\u2019 lives and they are striving to be what God wants them to be.&nbsp;They\u2019ve all said, \u201cWe don\u2019t want to miss out on what God has to teach us, even during the hard times.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Throughout the last seven years of Lamar and June\u2019s marriage, their children expressed over and over how glad they were that their parents were still together. After Lamar died, they all sent June a note that said, \u201cThank you for hanging in there and showing what real love is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 30px;margin-bottom:15px;line-height:1.1em\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">&#8216;He was the spice of my life&#8217;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Today June cherishes a letter that Lamar gave her shortly before he died. He wrote, \u201cI would like to thank you for all the good and wonderful years. Words can\u2019t tell you how I really feel. &nbsp;Our love just grows and grows.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In December 2007 June mailed a Christmas letter to her friends and family that expressed what God had done in her life and marriage.&nbsp;\u201cEspecially during those last seven years, Lamar and I shared such a deep, passionate love relationship,\u201d she wrote.&nbsp;\u201cHe was my soul mate, my lover, my best friend. He was the spice of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThe days and months immediately following Lamar\u2019s death were especially tough. The silence was deafening. I missed (and still do) hearing him say each morning, \u2018I love you, Darling,\u2019 or each night, \u2018Thank you for all you do,\u2019 or \u2018The best thing I ever did was to marry you.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Copyright \u00a9 2008 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Even in the silence, June Sims continued serving her husband as she waited for God to answer her prayers.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":66132,"featured_media":17643,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"Her Husband Wouldn&#039;t Speak to Her\u2014for Three Years %%sep%% %%sitename%%","_seopress_titles_desc":"When June refused a divorce after 34 years of marriage, Lamar was so angry that he stopped talking, even though they continued living in the same 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