{"id":8474,"date":"2012-06-19T16:21:00","date_gmt":"2012-06-19T21:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8474"},"modified":"2012-06-19T16:21:00","modified_gmt":"2012-06-19T21:21:00","slug":"when-life-gets-tougher","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/marriage-challenges\/hardship-and-suffering\/when-life-gets-tougher\/","title":{"rendered":"When Life Gets Tough(er)"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\" fetchpriority=\"high\"><\/div><p>We had just weathered seven years of storms.\u00a0We lost Joe\u2019s dad to cancer and Cindi\u2019s brother to suicide.\u00a0Then Cindi\u2019s mother died suddenly, followed by her dad\u2019s death just five days later (after a long and slow six-year decline).\u00a0Through all this we dealt with the challenges of a son with special needs and the everyday issues faced by our daughters in college and high school.<\/p>\n<p>We weathered these storms like everyone does\u2014while continuing to work, minister, invest in family and friends, and try to find the good in each day.\u00a0We hadn\u2019t had a chance to catch our breath when Joe\u2019s mother moved in after a two-month hospitalization and nursing home rehabilitation.\u00a0And as she settled in with her few and simple belongs, we sadly began to realize that her vascular dementia\/Alzheimer\u2019s was causing her decline at a more rapid pace than we had previously realized.<\/p>\n<p>The helpful woman we had known now needed help showering, finding her glasses, shuffling down simple steps, knowing which medications to take, and figuring out how to use the phone that she mistook as the TV remote control.<\/p>\n<p>She wasn\u2019t the only one who had changed.\u00a0We all changed in response.\u00a0We had to adjust to less sleep and more responsibilities.\u00a0Different noises from Mom\u2019s room would be our call to check on her for fear she might wander toward steps or other unfamiliar areas in our home.<\/p>\n<p>We had to change our schedules, our outside commitments, our daily expectations, and even our attitudes.\u00a0Sometimes the children had to rearrange school activities or time with friends.\u00a0We all did our share of canceling things we really wanted to do because we felt the need to stay with Mom.\u00a0When therapists came, we would have to arrange our day to be home to talk with them and learn what we had to do to help Mom.<\/p>\n<p>There were also the changes we made regarding out emotions and our attitudes.\u00a0We occasionally had to lovingly confront Mom\u2019s self-centeredness (a part of the disease, not what she was like previously).\u00a0She had become so selfish and negative, that even conversation with her had become very challenging.<\/p>\n<p>We initiated an activity each night at the dinner table in which we could all participate.\u00a0Truly, we all needed it!\u00a0Each of us shared the \u201cblessing of the day\u201d <em>and<\/em> \u201chow we were able to help or be kind to someone else.\u201d \u00a0This activity helped us to see the positive in each day, and how God was helping us through this time.<\/p>\n<p>We noticed that our personal character development was as ongoing and constant as our care for Mom.\u00a0Just as Mom and our son needed help with daily living skills, we recognized we needed help, too.\u00a0We needed help to focus outside of our world of care-giving and reach out to others wherever God asked us to serve.\u00a0We had to accept criticism from others who thought things should be handled differently, causing us to take inventory of our own flaws and deficiencies when these criticisms came to us.<\/p>\n<p>These challenges continued to redirect us each day as we relied on the Holy Spirit to control and empower us. When we were frustrated, we asked the Lord for help through these challenging times.\u00a0He taught us through His Word, to do what we knew to be right, not just what was comfortable, easy or fun.\u00a0He helped us show the same unconditional love to Mom as He has shown to us.\u00a0Because He gave us these challenges, we learned to be more loving in relationships, more purposeful in ministry, more creative with our use of time, and more reliant upon Him.\u00a0We continued to focus on who we are in Christ as we proceeded through the process of becoming more like Him.<\/p>\n<p>Along the road of our unexpected journey, a few years have passed, and Mom Ferrini is now with the Lord.\u00a0One of our children is married, and Joe is semi-retired.\u00a0We sense a new freedom in being able to differently consider the use of our time, talents, and treasures for our family and His work. \u00a0We also sense that while we are experiencing some freedom right now, there will be a time, probably not too far around the corner, when life will challenge us and we will once again be called to make some choices.\u00a0We know these choices will cause us to make changes in our lives, attitudes, and emotions.<\/p>\n<p>We know we become \u201cnew and improved\u201d as we go through the process of change, but in our humanness and selfish ways, we sometimes wish for a quick fix to life\u2019s challenges.\u00a0We want to put in our order, and like a fast food meal, get what we asked for.\u00a0But just like time-tested products that do their jobs effectively and efficiently, God is teaching and molding us to better serve Him by serving others, even when the serving is very difficult.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, we recognize that the challenges we had and choices we made have caused us to grow in our walk with Christ. \u00a0And, it continues to be true that we don\u2019t seem to learn as much through the good and easy times, like we do\u2014when life gets tough(er)!<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><i>\u00a9 2009 by Joe and Cindi Ferrini. 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