{"id":8472,"date":"2012-06-15T15:12:00","date_gmt":"2012-06-15T20:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8472"},"modified":"2012-06-15T15:12:00","modified_gmt":"2012-06-15T20:12:00","slug":"we-know-that-life-is-short","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/marriage-challenges\/hardship-and-suffering\/we-know-that-life-is-short\/","title":{"rendered":"We Know That Life Is Short"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\" fetchpriority=\"high\"><\/div><div style=\"background-color: #ebebeb;padding: 20px 20px 20px 30px;margin-bottom: 20px\"><em>Editor\u2019s note: Andy Bray was director of FamilyLife in New Zealand, and experienced a number of triumphs and tragedies in his life.\u00a0In his book, <\/em>Treasures in the Darkness<em>, he wrote of clinging to God through severe health issues and through the tragic death of his daughter, Natasha. In this excerpt Andy, who died in 2018, wrote about the discovery of a cancerous tumor in his groin.<\/em><\/div>\n<p>On December 26, 1998, I awoke uncharacteristically early at about 5 a.m. feeling refreshed and energized despite a late night and a typically full Christmas of family festivities.\u00a0The house was quiet, with my wife, Nikki, still sleeping soundly beside me.\u00a0She needed all the sleep she could get\u2014rarely did the kids allow her the luxury of a sleep-in past 7 a.m.\u00a0It wouldn\u2019t be long, I thought to myself, before they would be older, and a good night\u2019s sleep wouldn\u2019t be so rare.\u00a0Just a couple more years.<\/p>\n<p>Lying peacefully in bed, reflecting on the joy of Christmas, the great time the kiddies had and how good they\u2019d been amidst all the excitement, my mind flickered then to Christmas morning.\u00a0I had risen early for the fourth time that week to go jogging around the Panmure Basin.<\/p>\n<p>The double circuit of six kilometers had taken me the usual fifty minutes, not fast by any means, but boy it made me feel great.\u00a0The morning had been warm and crisp.\u00a0I was comfortable ambling along, in a mix between a power walk and a jog, at an even pace.\u00a0No rush.\u00a0Not like in the old days, when I felt like I always had to break a record or something.\u00a0No, this had been quite different\u2014cruising really, breathing in the clear air and the beauty of the new day.\u00a0I felt in pretty good shape for my age.<\/p>\n<p>Deciding to wait another hour until 6 a.m., I snuggled down, lightly stroking the muscles in my thighs with a kind of therapeutic stroke, as if to feel the progress I was making with my early morning jogs.\u00a0Up and down.\u00a0Suddenly my hands stopped.\u00a0What was that?\u00a0A lump?\u00a0My heart began to beat faster as I felt the hard plum-size mass in my right groin.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cUh oh,\u201d I said out loud.\u00a0\u201cOh, no.\u00a0This can\u2019t be good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Nikki was awake by then.\u00a0She rolled over to look at me.\u00a0\u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m not sure, honey,\u201d I said.\u00a0\u201cI found a lump.\u201d<\/p>\n<h5>Bad news<\/h5>\n<p>I knew the lump shouldn\u2019t be there, and I vaguely wondered whether it could be a kind of hernia-thing from the recent exercise routine.\u00a0But deep down I knew otherwise, and I had a feeling it meant bad news.<\/p>\n<p>I got up, made a cup of tea, and tried not to think about it.\u00a0It was Boxing Day [a New Zealand holiday], and finding a doctor would be nearly impossible.\u00a0I made up my mind to just try to put it out of mind as much as I could and wait until the next day to get it examined.\u00a0My hand kept wanting to go to it, to feel the lump.\u00a0It was quite large really, very hard, but it didn\u2019t hurt at all.\u00a0I finally told myself that I would just get it taken care of and hope it didn\u2019t mess up our holiday plans.<\/p>\n<p>Cancer itself wasn\u2019t entirely new to me.\u00a0I had been on immune-suppressant drugs for several years to keep my body from attacking my kidney transplant.\u00a0The problem was that these drugs also made me very susceptible to skin cancer, so I developed little spots all over my arms, legs, chest, and back that had to be cut out every month.\u00a0One plastic surgeon bragged to me that I had helped him set a personal record by excising twenty-two skin lesions in one session.\u00a0I remember counting over two hundred stitches and feeling like a pin-cushion afterwards.\u00a0I had to get skin grafts from my thighs to help cover the holes.\u00a0It was painful, but I had still felt well throughout it all.\u00a0But this lump was different; this could be much more serious, and I knew it.<\/p>\n<p>With all the doctors on holiday, I decided to ask my brother Jonathan what he thought.\u00a0He was a veterinarian, and just happened to be home on leave from his practice in the U.K.\u00a0\u201cA vet is better than nothing,\u201d I reasoned.<\/p>\n<p>Jonathan\u2019s prognosis was obvious by the look on his face.\u00a0\u201cNot good,\u201d he said.\u00a0\u201cYou need a fine needle aspiration done now. \u201c\u00a0Trying to make light of the situation, he added, \u201cTry and stay off your hooves.\u201d<\/p>\n<h5><strong>\u201cI don\u2019t like the looks of things&#8221;<\/strong><\/h5>\n<p>The next few days were a whirlwind of doctor appointments, biopsies, and five days of waiting and worrying about the results.\u00a0When we finally got the results back, our fears were confirmed:\u00a0The mass was a cancerous, fast-acting tumor.\u00a0We needed to find a surgeon quickly.<\/p>\n<p>A day before the surgery, the oncologist spoke to me and Nikki.\u00a0\u201cI don\u2019t like the looks of things,\u201d he said.\u00a0\u201cI think before we do this operation, you ought to get your affairs in order, just in case.\u00a0You never know how things are going to turn out.\u00a0Get your will sorted out, that kind of thing.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><em>Get my affairs in order?<\/em>\u00a0Gulp.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a strange feeling to spend a day wondering if you\u2019re at the end of your life.\u00a0My sister was fantastic and took the children off our hands for the day, and Nikki and I spent a very memorable day together.\u00a0A heavy sadness hung between us as if we were on the precipice of saying out loud that this could be the end.\u00a0We realized that all we\u2019d come to gain\u2014our great marriage, our three children, our ministry\u2014could be lost.<\/p>\n<h5><strong>Overwhelmed with love and thankfulness<\/strong><\/h5>\n<p>But instead, we focused on positive things like our special memories together rather than allowing self-pity or anxiety to ruin our beautiful day.\u00a0The joy of reminiscing with Nikki and thinking about the wonderful life we\u2019d had together seemed to chase away many of the doubts and fears and gave us an indescribable, wonderful feeling.<\/p>\n<p>It was a beautiful day.\u00a0The sun was warm, and a fresh breeze was blowing in from the ocean.\u00a0I had an odd kind of feeling:\u00a0On one hand, I felt on top of the world, yet on the other hand, a heavy cloud seemed to hang overhead.\u00a0We went rollerblading around Mission Bay hand-in-hand like lovers and stopped at a quaint restaurant for brunch.\u00a0I remember feeling overwhelmed with love and thankfulness.\u00a0I held her hand across the table and just looked into her eyes, feeling such a powerful love for her, and a gratefulness for the years God had given us together.\u00a0Her hand felt small inside of mine.\u00a0I realized that I wasn\u2019t afraid of death, but I did worry about what Nikki\u2019s life would be like without me.\u00a0And I worried about Natasha, Olivia, and Ben growing up without a father.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI love you, Nikki,\u201d I said, realizing afresh just how much I really meant it.\u00a0\u201cYou\u2019re such an amazing wife and mother.\u00a0My life means so much more because of you.\u00a0I\u2019m so glad you married me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think that day had a profound impact on our marriage.\u00a0Nikki and I know the truth of the clich\u00e9 that life is short.\u00a0Anything can happen at any time to change our whole world.\u00a0We can\u2019t waste our time arguing or taking each other for granted.\u00a0Every moment we have together is precious, a gift.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><i>\u00a9 2008 Andrew Bray. 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