{"id":8352,"date":"2017-03-09T17:47:00","date_gmt":"2017-03-09T23:47:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8352"},"modified":"2017-03-09T17:47:00","modified_gmt":"2017-03-09T23:47:00","slug":"what-husbands-wish-their-wives-knew-about-men","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/wives\/what-husbands-wish-their-wives-knew-about-men\/","title":{"rendered":"What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

One Saturday morning I was in our bedroom closet.\u00a0I noticed that my wife\u2019s side of the closet looked much better than mine.\u00a0I thought, I need to make my side look better,<\/em> and decided I would arrange and clean my side of the closet.\u00a0Now, I am not really wired for arranging and cleaning anything\u2014certainly not closets.\u00a0When I see something that needs to be arranged, I typically rearrange the piles so they are in different places, but they\u2019re still piles.<\/p>\n

My wife, Mary Ann, walked in and asked, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m cleaning the closet.\u201d<\/p>\n

And then she kindly and graciously said, \u201cNo, you\u2019re not.\u00a0Here, let me help.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was so grateful!\u00a0I was grateful that God gave me somebody who is better at closets than I am.<\/p>\n

That is a simple and silly illustration, but God made us different to complement one another.\u00a0Sometimes our differences annoy one another.<\/p>\n

I believe that when God created us male and female, He made us different in more than just biological ways.\u00a0I believe that different skills, abilities, and interests are hardwired into the souls of men and women.\u00a0Not all differences between us are defined by gender, but there is enough evidence to support the legitimacy of certain gender distinctions.<\/p>\n

I believe the following characteristics are true for most<\/em> men, but maybe not all men.\u00a0What this means is that there are some common ways men are broken or messed up or in need, and there are some common ways a wife can help her husband be what God wants him to be by understanding his flesh patterns.<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0A husband needs a helper.<\/strong>\u00a0He doesn\u2019t need a wife who nags or scolds or shames.\u00a0He doesn\u2019t need a wife who complains about him to others or who tries to control him.\u00a0He needs a wife who will be his ally and his partner.<\/p>\n

God knew your gaps and He knew your husband\u2019s gaps and He said, \u201cI am going to put the two of you together.\u201d\u00a0Some of that gap-filling will take some sandpaper, because there are rough edges to get it working.\u00a0But when it fits, it’s a beautiful thing.<\/p>\n

There may be gaps in your husband\u2019s life in the area of finances, parenting, taking care of the house or the car, or leading the family spiritually.\u00a0God said, \u201cLadies, a man needs help.\u00a0I gave you to him to be a helper.\u201d<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0A husband needs his wife\u2019s perspective.<\/strong>\u00a0He doesn\u2019t see 360 degrees.\u00a0He needs the benefit of your intuition and your insights.\u00a0He needs you to share your perspective with him humbly and respectfully, and he doesn\u2019t need your harsh, hard judgment or criticism of his failures or mistakes.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0A husband needs his wife\u2019s support and encouragement.<\/strong>\u00a0No matter how confident he may appear, men are insecure and have self doubts.\u00a0He needs his wife to provide support and encouragement.<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0If a husband feels he\u2019s not winning at something, his impulse is not to keep trying, but to quit and spend his time doing things where he can win.<\/strong>\u00a0He needs to feel like he\u2019s succeeding at the things he\u2019s doing.\u00a0And that leads to the next point \u2026<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0A husband needs his wife to believe in him and cheer him on.<\/strong>\u00a0He needs to know that his wife is on his team even if he has just messed up.\u00a0He needs to know that his wife is with him, no matter what, and that she wants to be part of the solution rather than just pointing out what he did wrong.<\/p>\n

After I speak at a conference, people will often approach me and say things like, \u201cThat was so helpful\u201d or \u201cThanks for that message\u2014it was just what I needed to hear.\u201d\u00a0I appreciate those comments, but I\u2019ve got to say that if Mary Ann is in the audience, I\u2019m even more encouraged when she says, \u201cYou did great!\u201d<\/p>\n

We need a cheerleader.\u00a0We need to know you love us and you\u2019re going to stay with us no matter what.<\/p>\n

Is your love for real? Find out in Bob Lepine's new book, Love Like You Mean It.<\/em><\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

6.\u00a0A husband needs his wife to give him grace and still love him even when he makes mistakes or fails.<\/strong>\u00a0In other words, a husband needs his wife to respond to him in a way that demonstrates the mercy and grace of God.<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0A husband would rather be respected than loved.<\/strong> That doesn\u2019t mean he doesn\u2019t want to be loved.\u00a0It just means that respect is huge.
\nI’ve observed that many men who do not feel respected at home will try to find respect somewhere else\u2014a business, a hobby, or even in the arms of another woman.\u00a0Don\u2019t misunderstand me here\u2014I\u2019m not excusing infidelity, and I\u2019m not rationalizing the sinful choices of a man.\u00a0I\u2019m just observing what often happens in marriage.<\/p>\n

8.\u00a0One of the most powerful ways a wife can encourage, affirm, and minister to her husband is by responding to him sexually.\u00a0<\/strong>I\u2019ve already discussed a man\u2019s need for affirmation and respect; probably the most powerful way you can affirm and respect your husband is when you respond to him sexually.<\/p>\n

9.\u00a0A husband needs his wife to have an unshakable confidence in the goodness and sovereignty of God.\u00a0<\/strong>This will mean that she will respond to her husband\u2019s leadership.\u00a0She will not seek to control him or to control things that are in God\u2019s hands.<\/p>\n

With God, we have to learn to trust Him and surrender to Him.\u00a0That can sometimes be difficult even though we know that He will never leave us or forsake us, that He has promised good to us, and that He is working all things together for good.<\/p>\n

It can be much harder to surrender to a husband who is fallible\u2014who has demonstrated that he is not perfect and that he doesn\u2019t always have your best interest at heart.\u00a0The only reason you would surrender control to a husband is because God has directed you to do that, and because He promises to always be with you, even when your husband messes up.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, it is God who makes it possible for us to honor each other and serve one another and care for each other and forgive each other in marriage.\u00a0Our differences make it difficult to live in harmony, but God gives us the power to work through those differences with love and humility.<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2010 by FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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