{"id":8302,"date":"2015-06-03T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-06-03T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8302"},"modified":"2015-06-03T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-06-03T00:00:00","slug":"why-do-i-act-like-i-dont-love-my-wife","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/husbands\/why-do-i-act-like-i-dont-love-my-wife\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Do I Act Like I Don’t Love My Wife?"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Sigh \u2026 I\u2019ve done it again.\u00a0 My wife had been running a little behind our intended schedule. Rather than waiting patiently (or maybe actually stepping in to help) I did what I do so well: I pontificated, this time speculating aloud about how many total minutes of our lives she had wasted in delays.<\/p>\n

My calculations didn\u2019t impress her, but the soul-crushing impact of my words was obvious on her face. Very smooth, Dave<\/em>, I realized too late, very constructive.<\/em><\/p>\n

You\u2019d think a pastor, someone called to think and speak in thoughtful, helpful, biblical ways, would have found something better to say at that moment. But despite my arrogant, sinful words, Kimm was able once again to cover over with love and patiently help me see what was wrong with them.<\/p>\n

While I\u2019m immensely grateful for Kimm\u2019s gracious, forgiving spirit, still the question lingers: Why aren\u2019t I more loving?<\/em> After all, we have been married for more than two decades. I have been in ministry most of that time, I\u2019ve read lots of marriage books, conducted numerous marriage seminars, and I really think Kimm is a gift from God to me. If I love my wife, why do I find it so easy to treat her like I don\u2019t?<\/em><\/p>\n

Guys, you know the kind of thing I\u2019m talking about. You\u2019ve planned a romantic evening, complete with her favorite restaurant. But then she says something, or you say something, or the waiter says something, and in the space of about two minutes a whole different kind of memory is created.<\/p>\n

Ladies, he tells you he\u2019ll be home by 9:00 p.m. and walks in at 10:45. \u201cSorry hon, the meeting ran over.\u201d No notification, no phone call, no real apology, and no consideration for your worry.<\/p>\n

Paul\u2019s confession and ours<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s the underside of marriage, the reality of living with someone day in and day out in a fallen world. But what does it reveal? What does it indicate when I see my rottenness?<\/p>\n

Well, guess what? If sin is a persistent problem for us, we\u2019re in pretty good company. As bad as we can be, the Apostle Paul seems to think he\u2019s even worse. Maybe we can learn something from him.<\/p>\n

Paul wrote to Timothy, \u201cThe saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost\u201d (1 Timothy 1:15). Pretty stark, isn\u2019t it? Not a lot of wiggle room there. Paul leads off by calling this a \u201csaying [that] is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance.\u201d That\u2019s the ancient equivalent of putting the little exclamation mark on an email you send\u2014this is of high priority!<\/p>\n

His \u201csaying\u201d has two parts. \u00a0\u201cChrist Jesus came into the world to save sinners …\u201d This catapults us to the heart of the glorious gospel, and prepares us for part two: \u201c. . . of whom I am the foremost.\u201d Now what are we supposed to do with that? How can the apostle to the Gentiles\u2014the original theologian of the Christian faith\u2014honestly say this? To whom is he comparing himself? And what standard is he applying?<\/p>\n

These are important questions. We dare not dismiss Paul\u2019s statement as a passing exaggeration or an empty exercise in false humility. This is the Word of God, and a profound point is being made here.<\/p>\n

A student of his heart<\/h2>\n

First, it\u2019s clear that Paul is not<\/em> trying to objectively compare himself to every other human being, because most of them he had never met! This tells us that his focus is not primarily outward. It\u2019s inward. He\u2019s also not suggesting that his moral character is bankrupt or his spiritual maturity is zero. He is simply talking about what goes on in his own heart.<\/p>\n

He is saying, in effect, \u201cLook, I know my sin. And what I\u2019ve seen in my own heart is darker and more awful; it\u2019s more proud, selfish, and self-exalting; and it\u2019s more consistently and regularly in rebellion against God than anything I have glimpsed in the heart of anyone else. As far as I can see, the biggest sinner I know is me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul was a student of his heart. He paid attention to the desires and impulses that churned within. And I don\u2019t think it\u2019s a stretch to say that he knew he was capable\u2014given the right circumstances\u2014of the worst of sins and the vilest of motives. Paul was a realist. He wanted to see God and himself truly. No hiding behind a facade of pleasantness or religiosity for him. As Henry Scougal comments on this verse, \u201cNone can think more meanly of [Paul] than he doth of himself.\u201d<\/p>\n

God’s mercy<\/h2>\n

Now let\u2019s look at the very next verse. \u201cBut I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life\u201d (1 Timothy 1:16).<\/p>\n

With the passing of each day, two things grew larger for Paul: his sinfulness in light of the holiness of God, and God\u2019s mercy in the face of his sin. Knowing both God and himself accurately was not at all discouraging or depressing. Rather, it deepened his gratitude for the vastness of God\u2019s mercy in redeeming him, and the patience of Christ in continuing to love and identify with him in his daily struggle against sin.<\/p>\n

Paul\u2019s confession to Timothy presents us with a stunning example of moral honesty and theological maturity: Paul\u2019s acute, even painful awareness of his own sinfulness caused him to magnify the glory of the Savior!<\/p>\n

Strengthen your marriage. Take the free online course, I Still Do.<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

My goal was far from noble<\/h2>\n

Several years ago I became aware of a subtle, destructive habit. Whenever I sensed I had sinned against Kimm I would go to her, confess, and seek to resolve the situation. Looks pretty good when I put it that way, doesn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n

But I came to realize that my goal was far from noble. I wanted a quick and efficient restoration of our relationship so I could stop feeling bad and get on with \u201cmore important things.\u201d In other words, the confession was basically a tool I was employing for my own sake. No wonder, then, that I was often left with a shallow, haunting feeling that I now believe was the kind prompting of the Holy Spirit.<\/p>\n

After a time of prayer, I recognized that God had been surprisingly forgotten in my words of apology to Kimm. I saw that I had been almost completely unconcerned with the fact that my sin had been first against God, and that I stood guilty before His infinite holiness. I had regarded my sins as errors, or at worst, as \u201clittle sins\u201d that required little consideration of my heart. My real goal was simply a kind of marital damage control, not an honest accounting before my Heavenly Father. But by God\u2019s grace I began to see, as J. I. Packer says so well, \u201cThere can be no small sins against a great God.\u201d<\/p>\n

The grace of God at work<\/h2>\n

The question that used to boggle my mind, \u201cIf\u00a0I love my wife, why do I find it so easy to treat her like\u00a0I don\u2019t?” <\/em>has a universal answer. We are all the worst of sinners, so anything we do that isn\u2019t<\/em> sin is simply the grace of God at work.<\/p>\n

A hidden gift comes as we see ourselves as the worst of sinners:\u00a0humility\u2014a pride-crushing, vision-clearing humility. The road of humility is open to all husbands and wives who are willing to give \u201ca due consideration\u201d to who they truly are, in and of themselves, before a holy God.<\/p>\n

I want to walk that road.<\/p>\n

\n

Adapted from <\/em>When Sinners Say \u201cI Do\u201d by Dave Harvey. Published by Shepherd Press. Copyright \u00a92007 by Dave Harvey. Used with permission.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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