{"id":82994,"date":"2019-06-07T11:20:26","date_gmt":"2019-06-07T16:20:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=82994"},"modified":"2019-06-07T11:20:26","modified_gmt":"2019-06-07T16:20:26","slug":"i-dont-love-him-anymore","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/commitment\/i-dont-love-him-anymore\/","title":{"rendered":"I Don’t Love Him Anymore"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I\u2019ve felt it too. Several years ago, I found myself in a bad season. I was not a happy person. I was struggling in my marriage and frustrated with the way life was going.\u00a0 A dark cloud shadowed my heart. I no longer felt anything for my husband. That constant thought in my mind terrified me. I don\u2019t love him anymore.<\/em><\/p>\n

A great sense of doubt surrounded our relationship. As a result, my mind wandered down some dark trails. Would I be happier with someone else? I knew we\u2019d end up this way. Should we even stay together? Have I wasted my life to end up with someone I don’t love anymore? <\/em><\/p>\n

All of those thoughts felt very real. The only problem is \u2026 I\u2019m married to a man in full-time ministry. I work part-time for our church, and we speak at marriage conferences.<\/p>\n

Talk about feeling like a hypocrite! Our marriage should have been on a poster somewhere. And there I was feeling nothing for him. My heart was empty, numb, and lifeless. I worried our marriage had become that too.<\/p>\n

I exchanged the feelings of love in our marriage for shame and embarrassment that we were the couple who found ourselves here. What a dark and wintry place to be.<\/p>\n

Marriage changes<\/h2>\n

In my life, I have found that relationships are a lot like the seasons. They change.\u00a0That\u2019s not always a bad thing.\u00a0 Much of my growth and stretching has come in the seasons I didn\u2019t really enjoy.<\/p>\n

Often, we enter our marriages in the springtime. Everything is fresh, green, and blooming. Then reality and life bring on the other seasons.<\/p>\n

But change in marriage is nothing new or unusual. All marriages experience it. The challenging part is learning how to get through the other seasons change brings.<\/p>\n

Just like in seasons of weather, we feel victimized in our relationship when things turn cold. We just want to get out of there quickly! Take a trip somewhere warm.<\/p>\n

But working through the chilly seasons of our marriages, isn’t as easy as booking a beach vacation. Bringing\u00a0 life back into a cold and dying relationship takes a lot of work.<\/p>\n

[wtr-event-search]<\/p>\n

Feelings can change too<\/h2>\n

My challenge to you is to stay in your marriage. Don’t run from this winter. Find warmth there instead.<\/p>\n

Peel back the layers of your heart. Consciously remember the warm days when you felt something for your husband. Dr. Bill Doherty<\/a>, a strong advocate for helping married couples, wrote, “A good therapist, a brave therapist, will help you to cling together as a couple, warming each other against the cold of winter. And seek out whatever sunlight is still available while you wrestle through your pain and disillusionment.”<\/p>\n

Dr. Doherty is onto a great truth. Spring comes around again.<\/p>\n

In my garden, I have to replant the bulbs when it\u2019s cold outside to get the amazing flowers in spring. When my marriage was cold and the fruit of our love felt dead, I had to plant the truth of commitment into my heart. Then our relationship could grow again.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/span>

Grow closer to your spouse through prayer. Get our free seven-day devotional.<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div><\/span><\/p>\n

Commitment doesn’t change<\/h2>\n

Love is so much more than a feeling. It\u2019s a promise, a vow, and a covenant.<\/p>\n

I had to go back to what I knew<\/em> true \u201clove\u201d to be. Not what I felt<\/em>. I needed to remind myself that I promised my husband to be his wife until death parted us. Even when I didn’t feel like I wanted to anymore.<\/p>\n

More importantly, I also promised my lifetime faithfulness toward my husband to the Lord. So that was where I had to begin again when all I felt was, I don’t love him anymore<\/em>. I planted bulbs of truth into my lifeless heart with seeds of God\u2019s love for me.<\/p>\n

When I worked on my relationship with Jesus, it allowed Him to reveal more truth. Much of it I already knew but had been avoiding. The warmth of His love began to thaw my emotional winter.<\/p>\n

It took time, effort, and much intentionality. I spent time praying for myself, asking God to show me<\/a> where I needed to allow His Spirit to rule in my heart over my feelings. I even asked that God give me a renewed and stronger love for my husband than I had ever known.<\/p>\n

In the middle of winter<\/h2>\n

If you’re thinking what I thought\u2014I don’t love him anymore<\/em>\u2014you’re not alone. There\u2019s hope! Here are some practical ways to move forward:<\/p>\n