{"id":8267,"date":"2015-06-03T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-06-03T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8267"},"modified":"2015-06-03T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-06-03T00:00:00","slug":"8-mistakes-ive-made-in-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/husbands\/8-mistakes-ive-made-in-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Mistakes I\u2019ve Made in Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

I am so grateful for my 25 years of marriage to my wife, Susan.  My love for her has grown immensely over the years. I\u2019ve been faithful to her. I\u2019m very attracted to her.<\/p>\n

But I can tell you that it\u2019s not because of me. It\u2019s only because of God\u2019s loving hand of undeserved favor. You see, I\u2019m just one decision away from doing something really stupid that could really damage, or perhaps even destroy, our relationship. And I can tell you that I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my marriage.<\/p>\n

Here are eight marriage mistakes I’ve made:<\/p>\n

Mistake #1: Thinking that Susan was responsible for my happiness.<\/h2>\n

In my early years of marriage, I felt like an important part of Susan\u2019s duty as my wife was to make me happy. I was a bit more focused on me than on us.<\/em> I didn’t think so at the time, but now looking back, I relied on Susan to lift me up when I was down, to help me upon command, and to meet my physical needs when called upon.<\/p>\n

Mistake #2: Wishing Susan would be more like me.<\/h2>\n

Unfortunately, in my younger years, I thought pretty highly of myself. So much so that I thought Susan should be more like me. Oh, I wouldn’t say that out loud, but I thought things like, If Susan was more organized and disciplined like me, she would be able to keep the house cleaner.<\/em> Or, I wish Susan just got things done that I want done when I want them done. I mean, when I commit to do something for her, I\u2019m on it and check it off the list.<\/em><\/p>\n

Since I thought Susan should think and act more like me, I didn’t think about the incredible gifts of creativity and relational skills that Susan had. I didn’t celebrate her unique strengths that make her Susan.<\/em><\/p>\n

Mistake #3: Trying to control Susan.<\/h2>\n

\u201cWhere are you going? Who are you going with? And what time will you be home?\u201d Or, \u201cDid you make sure the kids did their homework? Did they get that project done?\u201d<\/p>\n

Those are the kind of questions I\u2019d ask Susan\u2014as a father would ask his child. Rather than just encouraging her to go out and enjoy the night with friends, I made her feel like she had a curfew. Rather than me making sure our kids got certain things done, I asked Susan to take on that responsibility.<\/p>\n

Is your love for real? Find out in Bob Lepine's new book, Love Like You Mean It.<\/em><\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

Mistake #4: Reflecting Susan\u2019s emotions instead of regulating my own.<\/h2>\n

Many times in our marriage, I’ve acted like a thermometer instead of a thermostat. I reflected the temperature in our relationship and home instead of regulating it.<\/p>\n

When Susan got mad at me about something, I got mad because she was mad. If Susan was down and didn’t feel well, that frustrated me and I let her know it.<\/p>\n

I failed to show leadership in our home by regulating my emotions and attitude. As a result, instead of cooling down our emotions, I heated them up causing some very uncomfortable disagreements.<\/p>\n

Mistake #5: Being obsessive about things that don\u2019t matter.<\/h2>\n

It took over a year to restore our home that had been flooded in a big storm. We just moved back in a couple of months ago. As I inspected the work of our painters, I noticed some areas that the painters should touch up. I also noticed some very tiny areas that were inside storage closets that nobody except me would ever see that could use a bit of paint. I made a big deal out of it with our painters, and with Susan, initially insisting that the places nobody would ever see be painted.<\/p>\n

Yes, I was obsessive about it and admittedly went overboard. That kind of intense behavior can really put Susan on edge.<\/p>\n

Mistake #6: Being critical.<\/h2>\n

When I look at a new design for a website at work, my eye often first goes to what\u2019s wrong with it.  When I look at that dresser that Susan just personally refurbished into a beautiful new piece for our home, I find that spot she missed and let her know about it.<\/p>\n

While my critical eye can be a benefit, it can also be a curse. My tongue has been a wild animal in our marriage. It\u2019s gotten loose and pounced upon Susan on a number of occasions with critical words and condescending tones.<\/p>\n

Mistake #7: Acting like we are not on the same team.<\/h2>\n

Susan has said to me on more than one occasion, \u201cI just don\u2019t feel like we\u2019re on the same team.\u201d And she\u2019s right. There have been times when she was dealing with one of our kids\u2019 behavior and I didn’t back her up. Instead, I questioned how she was handling it in front of them. And there have been many other times when I\u2019ve treated her like my opponent, not my teammate, in our relationship.<\/p>\n

Mistake #8: Having an \u201cif, then\u201d mentality.<\/h2>\n

\u201cIf you would just meet my physical desires, then I wouldn’t be so critical of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

My \u201cIf you would _______, then I would _________\u201d mentality is an example of not unconditionally loving my wife.<\/p>\n

Those are just a sampling of mistakes I’ve made in marriage. Although I still struggle in some of these areas, I’ve made some good progress in others. Find out more about Susan\u2019s take on life, specifically parenting and marriage here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Have you made any of these same mistakes? If so, what have you done to address them? Maybe you\u2019d also be so bold as to share other failures that you’ve had in your relationship and what you’ve done about them.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2014 Mark Merrill. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission. For more resources, visit MarkMerrill.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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