{"id":8245,"date":"2012-06-19T16:31:00","date_gmt":"2012-06-19T21:31:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8245"},"modified":"2012-06-19T16:31:00","modified_gmt":"2012-06-19T21:31:00","slug":"when-romance-is-gone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/romance-and-sex\/when-romance-is-gone\/","title":{"rendered":"When Romance Is Gone"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s just no fire there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHe doesn\u2019t love me anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cShe acts like I\u2019m her brother, not her lover.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt feels like we\u2019re just living together as roommates.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We hear comments like this from men and women all the time. In our busy world, it\u2019s easy for the feeling of romance to fade away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s going on when this happens? There are at least two possibilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unrealistic expectations<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Every day won\u2019t feel as electric as what you experienced in the movie theater as a twenty-year-old. The loss of jobs, sick in-laws, teenagers whose grades aren\u2019t what they should be, the death of a friend, and intense projects at work\u2014life is not a chick flick. Life is filled with all kinds of circumstances that simply cannot be romantic. That\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All disappointment is a result of unmet expectations. Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page about the stresses and realities of what\u2019s happening in your life right now. Your life-stage and current circumstances profoundly affect the state of your romantic relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n

Can sex in Christian marriage be spectacular? See our online course!<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n\n\n\n

Forgetting what love looks like<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps you\u2019ve forgotten what your \u201clove\u201d actually looks like to your spouse. You aren\u2019t actually cherishing your spouse the way God cherishes you. You don\u2019t love God more than them and them more than anyone or anything else. When we \u201clove\u201d like this, romance withers and dies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First Corinthians Chapter 13 is a great diagnostic to evaluate our daily love. It shows us how true love acts toward others. Perhaps you\u2019ve read it many times, but what if we made this passage specific for you? How would your love measure up?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Insert your name in the blanks below (where \u201clove\u201d appears in the original).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

_____  is patient. _____ is kind.  _____ does not envy. _____ does not boast, _____ is not proud. _____ is not rude, _____ is not self-seeking. _____ is not easily angered, _____ keeps no record of wrongs. _____ does not delight in evil, _____ rejoices with the truth. _____ always protects, ____ always trusts, _____ always hopes, _____ always perseveres.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Need any help creating an atmosphere that promotes romance? Choose one of the ideas below and do it right away. Don\u2019t tell your spouse which one you picked\u2014yet. Begin to implement your choice, then come back in a week or so and talk about any changes you\u2019ve noticed in your relationship:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Talk about special memories.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Reconnect by remembering your first date, the night you became engaged, or important moments in your early marriage. It\u2019s too easy to forget all that God did to bring you together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Have lots of little interactions with your spouse.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A whirlwind getaway to a New York City luxury hotel won\u2019t be romantic when disconnected from the hundreds of interactions from the previous weeks. Hold hands, ask an open-ended question, send a text greeting to her cell phone, fold clothes together, call from the car on the way home, or fix your spouse a surprise bowl of ice cream. Take advantage of the little opportunities life presents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Spend time together.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Make a point to spend some time together each day for the next week or so\u2014take a walk, play a game, or do the dishes. Before you go to bed, make sure you\u2019ve done something together that included quality time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Buy a gift for each other.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Set a reasonable dollar limit and both go shopping to buy a small gift for one another. Plan a quiet evening and give your gift along with the reason you selected it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Make sure your spouse knows that you think he or she is great.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Nothing is more romantic than knowing that someone really likes you. Every person wants to be highly thought of. Find one good thing about your spouse and mention your appreciation every day. Or find a special time, look your spouse in the eyes and mention three things about him or her that you think are wonderful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. Write a letter, by hand.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s a corollary to the previous idea: Put down on paper some of the things you are grateful for about your spouse. Choose a special moment to present the letter to him or her; make sure your spouse has peace and quiet to enjoy your note.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. Ask questions every day.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t let the pace of life rob you of a chance to share your thoughts, ideas, and dreams \u2026 and to hear your spouse\u2019s. Keeping communication and intimacy alive is a prerequisite for romance. Talk with your spouse about things they are interested in. Ask nonthreatening questions that show you care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every marriage needs romance. No one wants to go through life with a spouse who is more like a business partner or a roommate; we all go into marriage looking for a lifelong lover and companion. Take steps this week to enhance or reignite romance in your marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Adapted from<\/i> The Marriage Prayer by Patrick Morley and David Delk. Published by Moody Publishers. Copyright \u00a92008 by Patrick Morley and David Delk. Used with permission.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In our busy world, it\u2019s easy for the feeling of romance to fade away. Take some steps this week to enhance or reignite romance in your marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":144620,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"When Romance Is Gone | FamilyLife\u00ae","_seopress_titles_desc":"In our busy world, it\u2019s easy for the feeling of romance to fade away. Take some steps this week to enhance or reignite romance in your marriage.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[],"equip-category":[],"cwp_profile":[3390],"class_list":["post-8245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","cwp_profile-patrick-morley-and-david-delk"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2012\/06\/when-romance-is-gone_1040x326.jpg","uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2012\/06\/when-romance-is-gone_1040x326.jpg",1024,321,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Joshua Starcher","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/josh-starchercru-org\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"In our busy world, it\u2019s easy for the feeling of romance to fade away. Take some steps this week to enhance or reignite romance in your marriage.","meta_box":{"_cloudsearch_visibility":"","profile_obj_manual_select":false,"profile_obj":false,"separator":false,"enable_link":false,"login_restricted":"","content_type":"","disclaimer_banner":"","currency":false,"pricing_subtext":false,"element_type":false,"date_field":false,"date_format":false,"theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":"","series":false,"ignore_sticky":false,"conditional_blocks_category":false,"cta_selection":false},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8245","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8245"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8245\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/144620"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8245"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8245"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8245"},{"taxonomy":"equip-category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/equip-category?post=8245"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=8245"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}