{"id":8241,"date":"2016-06-15T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-06-15T05:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8241"},"modified":"2016-06-15T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2016-06-15T05:00:00","slug":"what-are-your-sexpectations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/romance-and-sex\/what-are-your-sexpectations\/","title":{"rendered":"What Are Your \u2018Sexpectations\u2019?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I remember exactly where I was when I got my first sexpectation: in a bar full of Navy pilots.<\/p>\n

Two air jockeys in leather bomber jackets made their way toward an open bar stool near a pretty blonde. They feigned an argument to garner attention. One of the guys threw a “punch” and the other one ducked right beside the blonde bombshell. Then the one who threw the punch revealed a microphone and began singing, “You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips\u2026”<\/p>\n

After a few choruses of the Righteous Brothers’ song, “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling,” the fake pugilist received an invitation to the bar stool, a phone number, and a few days later, found his way into her bed.<\/p>\n

If you were born before the 1990s, you know I wasn’t near the bar, but munching obscenely buttered popcorn while watching Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis in Top Gun<\/em>. But at 16, “sexpectations” took root in my brain: all you need is a leather bomber jacket, a cheesy love song, and a charming smile, and beautiful women you meet for the first time are more than willing to pull back the sheets.<\/p>\n

When did you first start developing sexpectations, or sexual expectations?<\/p>\n

What do they look like now that you are married?<\/p>\n

Sexpectations from culture<\/h2>\n

Some of our sexpectations are formed by our culture\u2014by the films and television shows we watch and by the attitudes of our friends. And some are just the result of the natural differences in marriage\u2014shaped by gender, family background, childhood experiences, personality differences, and much more.<\/p>\n

I’ve found that in marriage, it’s easier to have unspoken sexual expectations rather than real conversations. I expect my wife, Jen, to read my mind, to intuitively know when I’m in the mood, what I want her to wear (or not wear), and how she should “surprise” me with a clandestine rendezvous.<\/p>\n

Of course, Jen has her own set of sexpectations. I would ask her, but I’m concerned they would differ too greatly from mine! But I’ve been married long enough to know they involve touching her heart before I touch her body, making sure the kids are in the fifth stage of REM sleep, and triple locking the doors before we enjoy intimacy.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, when our sexpectations don’t meet reality, what’s left is often frustration, disappointment, and isolation. Two becoming one devolves into two becoming none.<\/p>\n

God invented it<\/h2>\n

I’m fairly certain God wants us to have great sex<\/a>. After all, He invented it (and let’s just go on record saying that was a far better invention than the microchip). Out of 66 books in the Bible, He devoted a whole book just to the topic of sex (Song of Solomon). And just after He created Adam and Eve He turned on some Marvin Gaye music and told them to “get it on.” Okay, Marvin Gaye may be a stretch, but I’m pretty sure scholars will tell you that “get it on” in Hebrew is translated, “naked and unashamed.”<\/p>\n

Scripture says enough about sex in marriage that I can point to at least three sexpectations God had when He created intimacy between a man and a woman:<\/p>\n