{"id":8229,"date":"2017-06-17T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-06-17T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8229"},"modified":"2017-06-17T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-06-17T00:00:00","slug":"romance-for-dummies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/romance-and-sex\/romance-for-dummies\/","title":{"rendered":"Romance for Dummies"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Can you think of the last time that you did something particularly romantic for your spouse?<\/p>\n

Really? Has it been that long?<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the thing about romance: When you have \u201cthat feeling\u201d\u2014like when you were dating or engaged, or during a particularly romantic night or weekend as a married couple\u2014you find yourself thinking, I sure would like to have that feeling again. <\/em><\/p>\n

And when it doesn\u2019t happen, you start thinking, What\u2019s wrong?<\/em><\/p>\n

Romance isn\u2019t something you bring out on special occasions. Instead, it\u2019s one way you express your care and love for each other. And it ought to be a part of the very fabric of your married life.<\/p>\n

On occasion when I\u2019m talking to couples about romance in their marriage, a husband or wife will say to me, \u201cI think we\u2019ve just lost it. The feeling I used to feel? It\u2019s gone.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd besides, my spouse doesn\u2019t do anything romantic for me\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, if you really want that feeling again, you may need to be the one to take the first step. Break the stalemate.<\/p>\n

Here are a few ideas for how you might begin. I developed this list after asking some friends to share their advice for romance for the romantically challenged.<\/p>\n

This list is not comprehensive, and I realize we are all in different places when it comes to romance. But trying a few of these practical tips might just add some sparks to your marriage and your life:<\/p>\n

1. Remember what you did when you first fell in love? Do that again.<\/h2>\n

A pastor told me that he often counsels couples by taking them to Revelation 2, where Jesus addresses the church in Ephesus. Verses 2-5 say, \u201cI know your works, your toil and your patient endurance \u2026 I know you are \u2026 bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. \u2026 repent, and do the works you did at first.\u201d<\/p>\n

This church was going through the motions. But it was no longer passionately in love with Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n

This pastor said, \u201cI think that\u2019s pretty good marriage advice. In those times when you just don\u2019t have the feelings, repent and do the things you did at first.\u201d<\/p>\n

2. Make sure you acknowledge your spouse\u2019s birthday on the actual birthday<\/em>.<\/h2>\n

One person apparently learned this the hard way. He said, \u201cIf your wife\u2019s birthday is during the week, and you decide to celebrate it the weekend before\u2014and you take her to a nice restaurant, and you have an expensive gift, and you have a deep and meaningful conversation\u2014but you don\u2019t give her a card on the<\/em> day, you\u2019ve still failed at everything!\u201d<\/p>\n

3. Don\u2019t reduce sex to a formula.<\/h2>\n

This tip is especially for husbands. One woman described what she had experienced: One Friday evening, she and her husband went out for dinner at a nice restaurant. After dinner, they took a walk together. They talked and laughed. The mood was just right. The evening ended with the two of them making love.<\/p>\n

About a week later her husband asked, \u201cHey, why don\u2019t we go back to that restaurant for dinner?\u201d She said, \u201cI knew exactly what was on his mind\u2014and it had nothing to do with the food.\u201d<\/p>\n

That husband thought he\u2019d found the formula: restaurant + walk = sex. But his wife told me, \u201cWomen don\u2019t want to be figured out. They don\u2019t want romance or sex reduced to a formula.\u201d<\/p>\n

4. Never buy your wife a gift for a special occasion that can be plugged into the wall.<\/h2>\n

If it has a plug on it, consider taking it back, now!<\/p>\n

A friend wrote me about something that happened back when he was dating his wife. Her roommate, who liked to cook, received \u201cthe most expensive Cuisinart food processor I have ever seen in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

The guy who wrote said that he was very impressed, but the two women were not. They couldn\u2019t believe that any man would give his girlfriend such an \u201cinsensitive gift.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ladies, let me just add here: Most men like stuff with plugs. Or batteries. We may never use them, but we like to get them for gifts.<\/p>\n

5. What seems romantic to you may not actually be romantic to your spouse.<\/h2>\n

Dr. Gary Chapman says in his book, The Five Love Languages<\/em>,<\/a> that there are five primary ways that we express love to one another:<\/p>\n