{"id":8220,"date":"2015-06-01T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-06-01T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8220"},"modified":"2024-11-08T13:09:04","modified_gmt":"2024-11-08T18:09:04","slug":"if-you-were-sexually-involved-before-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/romance-and-sex\/if-you-were-sexually-involved-before-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"If You Were Sexually Involved Before Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

A healthy sexual relationship is a vital component of a healthy marriage.\u00a0 But I believe a negative attitude about sex wages war against Christian marriages.\u00a0 It is a means of dividing couples in the most intimate way possible and is a quiet but deadly attack on Christian marriages.\u00a0Any woman who has intimacy issues with her husband must know that it is an attack on her most precious earthly relationship.\u00a0 And Satan attacks this private area because he knows it is such a delicate subject matter\u2014we won\u2019t openly talk about it.<\/p>\n

In my book SOS: Sick of Sex<\/a><\/em>, I plead with women to believe God\u2019s truth about sexual intimacy.\u00a0 One problem afflicts those who were involved in premarital sex with their husbands. Even after years of marriage, and even after understanding God\u2019s forgiveness, they still feel a great deal of guilt and shame when it comes to sexual intimacy.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve learned that this unresolved issue regarding premarital sex is penetrating the hearts of many husbands as well.\u00a0 For example, recently I traveled to FamilyLife\u2019s headquarters for an interview on the FamilyLife Today\u00ae<\/em> radio program<\/a>. After we were finished, a FamilyLife staff member who had listened to the interview approached me and said one of the subjects we had discussed during the interview had struck a chord with him.\u00a0 \u201cMy wife and I were sexually active prior to marriage,\u201d he told me.\u00a0 \u201cWe have talked about it before, and I even asked her for forgiveness.\u00a0 But now I know why<\/em> I need her forgiveness.\u201d<\/p>\n

His statement reminded me of a story from my book.\u00a0 A woman who was sexually active with her husband before marriage told me, \u201cHe was the leader in the relationship before we got married, and he knew sex was wrong. Yet he continued to have sex with me.\u201d\u00a0 Now that they were married, she could not overcome the switch\u2014that sex was wrong before, but now it was right in the context of marriage\u2014and she was surprised at how her husband made the change so quickly. She still lives with the sin of that premature, inappropriate relationship every time he touches her.<\/p>\n

I talk about sexual intimacy with a lot of women and they are still wondering, Did my husband marry me because we were sexually involved?<\/em> or, How can we say anything to our own children about premarital sex without feeling like hypocrites?<\/em> and My husband has continued on like this does not affect him.\u00a0 But it surely does affect me.<\/em>
\n

Can sex in Christian marriage be spectacular? See our online course!<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div><\/p>\n

Men, this is what wives are saying.\u00a0 And I\u2019ve discovered that they are hanging on to this issue because there has been no repentance or resolution.\u00a0 If you have not apologized for being a self-centered leader in the relationship prior to marriage, and as a result you were involved sexually, it is time to get it resolved.<\/p>\n

Recently I talked with another friend about this same issue and she told me, \u201cMy husband and I were talking about this last night!\u201d\u00a0 They had been sexually involved before marriage, and she had felt guilty ever since\u2014for 28 years<\/em>.\u00a0 In their discussion, they finally talked about their sin and their need to repent before God.\u00a0\u00a0 And now she felt free of a burden that had weighed on her for decades.<\/p>\n

Your wife needs to know that you understand that your physical involvement with her, prior to marriage was a breach of trust.\u00a0 She needs to understand that you are sorry for putting her in that position and that, with God\u2019s help, she can trust that you will be the spiritual leader God has called you to be in your life and hers.<\/p>\n

Mostly, she needs you to apply the words of James 5:16 in your life: “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.\u201d She needs to hear that you also have strong feelings of regret and remorse.\u00a0 Then she can move, with you, past the guilt and shame.<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2013 by Robyn McKelvy. Used with permission.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I believe a negative attitude about sex wages war against Christian marriages.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":17053,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"Did you have premarital sex with your husband? | FamilyLife\u00ae","_seopress_titles_desc":"One problem afflicts those who were involved in premarital sex with their husbands. Even after years of marriage, they still feel a great deal of guilt and shame when it comes to sexual intimacy.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[],"equip-category":[],"cwp_profile":[3381],"class_list":["post-8220","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","cwp_profile-robyn-mckelvy"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2015\/06\/if-you-were-sexually-involved-before-marriage_1040x326.jpg","uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2015\/06\/if-you-were-sexually-involved-before-marriage_1040x326.jpg",1024,321,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Joshua Starcher","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/josh-starchercru-org\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"I believe a negative attitude about sex wages war against Christian marriages.","meta_box":{"_cloudsearch_visibility":"0","profile_obj_manual_select":false,"profile_obj":false,"separator":false,"enable_link":false,"login_restricted":"0","content_type":"video","disclaimer_banner":"unset","currency":false,"pricing_subtext":false,"element_type":false,"date_field":false,"date_format":false,"theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0","series":false,"ignore_sticky":false,"conditional_blocks_category":false,"cta_selection":false},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8220","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8220"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8220\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17053"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8220"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8220"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8220"},{"taxonomy":"equip-category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/equip-category?post=8220"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=8220"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}