{"id":81097,"date":"2019-05-07T15:39:57","date_gmt":"2019-05-07T20:39:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=81097"},"modified":"2019-05-07T15:39:57","modified_gmt":"2019-05-07T20:39:57","slug":"when-your-mans-long-hours-dont-feel-like-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/marriage-challenges\/busyness-and-stress-challenges\/when-your-mans-long-hours-dont-feel-like-love\/","title":{"rendered":"When Your Man’s Long Hours Don’t Feel Like Love"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I married a man already on a mission. His dream, desire, and longtime goal was to play Major League Baseball for a living. When Jose and I married, he carefully explained the hardships, time apart, and long hours his career choice would require. And I bought in.<\/p>\n

I was young, childless, and ready for the adventure. I believed his job was a mission. One God had assigned to us for that time in our lives. That together, this mission could transform us as a couple and a tool for God\u2019s glory.<\/p>\n

Then, we had kids. I had never given much thought to single parenting before our children came along. Suddenly, I found myself immersed in the task.<\/p>\n

I always believed parenting was designed for a team. The only problem was, because of my husband’s work, half of my team was playing elsewhere. Along with being exhausting, parenting alone while my husband worked was hard. I had no other adult present to run things by, get sound advice from, and frankly, just relieve me when I felt tapped out.<\/p>\n

Demanding hours<\/h2>\n

This was not easy. I hated road trips, living away from home, and parenting alone. My husband’s work required much of both of us. Prioritizing our marriage had to be an intentional effort.<\/p>\n

After Jose retired from baseball, he became a chaplain to professional athletes. Another demanding position that requires him to be away consistently. I still wrestle with how much time my husband’s work takes him away.<\/p>\n

Tonight for example, as I write this piece, I am alone.<\/p>\n

After work, I came home to an empty house and had dinner by myself … again. But I’ve discovered ways to manage too. I started a \u201cmarried but single and single again\u201d club for women whose husbands travel or other wives who simply would like company.<\/p>\n

Let me just say that I have been married to the same man for 38 years. And I still need to hand this over to Jesus daily<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Telling him how I feel<\/h2>\n

When Jose returns from his trips, we have a special time where we can talk about the time away\u2014what was good about it and what really stunk about being separated. We allow for open and honest dialogue. The listener doesn\u2019t try to fix the speaker, but instead listens and empathizes.<\/p>\n

It can seem silly. But having him in my corner makes me feel loved and cared for. We may even say, \u201cThis job really stinks because it takes us away from one another!\u201d And then we laugh and thank God for my husband’s work. The job He<\/em> uses to provide for us and to meet the needs of many young golfers and their wives and families. This helps bring us back into perspective and remain dedicated to our work and our marriage.<\/p>\n

Making it work<\/h2>\n

In her book\u00a0For Women Only<\/em><\/a>, Shaunti Feldhahn states that \u201cIt\u2019s ironic that we may complain about our man\u2019s work habits, not realizing that he thinks that he is saying \u2018I love you\u2019\u2014and we are complaining about it!\u00a0 This dynamic is both confusing and distressing for men.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sometimes it\u2019s important for us as women to put on our husbands\u2019 glasses and see things from his perspective. Then we begin to understand our husband’s work. I have discovered by lightening the load of pressure I place on my husband in his role as provider, I reap great benefits of his time and attention.<\/p>\n

Here are some ways I’ve found to give him a break:<\/p>\n