{"id":8103,"date":"2018-01-03T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-01-03T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8103"},"modified":"2018-01-03T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2018-01-03T00:00:00","slug":"3-characteristics-of-a-repentant-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/forgiveness\/3-characteristics-of-a-repentant-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Characteristics of a Repentant Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Would you like to revolutionize your marriage? Then try starting with a little repentance. It\u2019s amazing how much healing can occur between a husband and a wife when 10 little words are said: \u201cI am so sorry for what I did. I repent!\u201d<\/p>\n

As we grow as believers in Jesus Christ and become surrounded by more and more Christians, it\u2019s easy to put on a fa\u00e7ade. Often we aren\u2019t willing to admit where we are spiritually because we\u2019ve become skilled at hiding our weaknesses.<\/p>\n

But for Christian husbands and wives who want a strong marriage, there comes a time when we have to own up and be honest about ourselves. Will we live our lives bare before the Lord? Will we open ourselves up to our spouses?  If so, then we need to learn how to be repentant.<\/p>\n

Face-to-face with sin<\/h2>\n

If you are looking for an example of repentance, go no further than 2 Samuel 12. You probably know the story. The prophet Nathan came to King David to confront him about committing adultery and murder.  Nathan told David about two men who lived in the same city. One was rich and had a large number of sheep and cattle. The other had only one little female lamb that he treated as a member of his family.  The rich man took the poor man\u2019s lamb to use as a meal.<\/p>\n

“As surely as God lives,” David said to Nathan, “the man who did this ought to be lynched! He must repay for the lamb four times over for his crime and his stinginess!”<\/p>\n

Then Nathan stunned David with his reply: “You\u2019re the man!” (2 Samuel 12:5-7, The Message<\/em>).<\/p>\n

It\u2019s interesting that David had a lot of self-righteousness when it came to somebody else\u2019s sin. But when he realized that he was the man who had sinned, he begged for mercy.<\/p>\n

After finally coming face-to-face with his sin of adultery, David penned Psalm 51. It begins, \u201cHave mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love, according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.  \u2026 cleanse me from my sin! \u2026 Against you, you only, have I sinned …\u201d<\/p>\n

David was far more than sorrowful for his sin. He was repentant.<\/p>\n

Psalm 51 gives us a picture of what genuine repentance looks like. Applying it to marriage, here are three characteristics of a repentant spouse:<\/p>\n

1.  A repentant spouse trusts the character of God.  <\/strong>In Psalm 51 David says, in essence, \u201cGod, I know I\u2019ve messed up beyond the worst level of messing up. What I need is the God who will deal with me based on His commitment to covenant, not my failure of the covenant.\u201d Twice he mentions God\u2019s merciful character.  \u201cHave mercy on me, O God,\u201d he pleads.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to trust the character of God before you focus on your sin. If you focus on your sin first, you\u2019ll get depressed. You\u2019ll get frustrated. You\u2019ll feel locked in. But if you put your mind on the character of God, then you\u2019ll have encouragement to deal with your sin.<\/p>\n

We need the gospel, not self-righteousness. We need to submit ourselves to the beauty of the character of God so that Christ\u2019s righteousness can cover our sin and deal with it.<\/p>\n

How does this look in marriage?  If you and your spouse mention your sin to each other all the time, then all you\u2019re going to do is argue.  \u201cWell, you sinned against me!\u201d \u2026 \u201cNo, you<\/em> sinned against me<\/em>!\u201d But if you focus on God\u2019s mercy, looking at all God has done for you, then the situation seems very different.<\/p>\n

A deeply-repentant spouse first sees the attributes of God: His mercy, love, grace, long-suffering, spirituality, omniscience, omnipresence. When God\u2019s attributes permeate your relationship with your spouse, your mind will be more on the Lord and your marriage. You won\u2019t just be focusing on the faults of your spouse, and you\u2019ll be better equipped to deal with your sin.<\/p>\n

2. A repentant spouse owns the extent of his or her sin. <\/strong>David says, \u201cI know my transgressions.\u201d Now, the word here for \u201cknow\u201d means to be acquainted with something intimately. When he says, \u201cI know my sin,\u201d that means he is able to absolutely, unadulteratedly acknowledge what he did. One of the most authentic and powerful things Christians can do is own their sin. You can\u2019t even get saved<\/em> until you do that.<\/p>\n

If you want a godly marriage, you better get used to learning how to repent. I fight with it every day myself. I have to fight<\/em> self-righteousness! I have to fight<\/em> not wanting to acknowledge stuff. I have to fight<\/em> unforgiveness and anger.<\/p>\n

In Psalm 51, David not only talked about knowing his sin, but also said that God would be justified in saying to him whatever He wanted to.  \u201cAgainst You, and You only, have I sinned and have done what is evil in Your sight, so that You may be justified in Your words.\u201d<\/p>\n

David didn’t waste a lot of words when he admitted that he had sinned against the Lord. How often have you presented a paragraph of information to your spouse explaining why you have sinned? David didn\u2019t do that. He owned his sin. Likewise, in marriage we need to face up to our individual offenses.<\/p>\n

3. A repentant spouse yearns for long-term transformation.<\/strong> Just look at what David says in Psalm 51:6, \u201cBehold, You delight in truth in the inward being\u2026and teach me wisdom in the secret heart.\u201d<\/p>\n

When David says \u201cdelight,\u201d he is talking about what God likes inside of His people. He is saying to God, \u201cYou desire the places that I\u2019ve closed off from You to be reopened in my life, for You to deal with.\u201d In this passage David is getting beyond the sin of adultery and getting to the heart that led to adultery<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Jesus Christ did not die on the cross so that we would have the same old, nasty, funky, trifling, hard heart in our marriages. He says in Ezekiel 36:24-28 (The Message): \u201c\u2026 I\u2019ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I\u2019ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that\u2019s God-willed, not self-willed. I\u2019ll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands. \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Whiter than snow<\/h2>\n

No matter where we are in life, each of us is in desperate need of the cross of Christ. And that\u2019s what David expresses in Psalm 51:7, \u201cPurge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean. Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.\u201d<\/p>\n

The gospel gives freedom to our lives and to our marriages. Jesus has already paid for our sins. He gives us the ability to look into our spouse\u2019s eyes and say, \u201cI am so sorry for what I did. I repent!\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

\u00a9 2013 Eric Mason. All rights reserved. Used with permission.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you want a strong marriage, there comes a time to be honest about yourself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":66132,"featured_media":8104,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"If you want a godly marriage, get used to learning how to repent.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2908],"tags":[],"equip-category":[],"cwp_profile":[3116],"class_list":["post-8103","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-forgiveness","cwp_profile-familylife"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2018\/04\/3-characteristics-of-a-repentant-spouse_1040x326.jpg","uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2018\/04\/3-characteristics-of-a-repentant-spouse_1040x326.jpg",1024,321,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Christian Longe","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/christian-longecru-org\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"If you want a strong marriage, there comes a time to be honest about yourself.","meta_box":{"_cloudsearch_visibility":"","profile_obj_manual_select":false,"profile_obj":false,"separator":false,"enable_link":false,"login_restricted":"","content_type":"","disclaimer_banner":"","currency":false,"pricing_subtext":false,"element_type":false,"date_field":false,"date_format":false,"theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":"","series":false,"ignore_sticky":false,"conditional_blocks_category":false,"cta_selection":false},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8103","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/66132"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8103"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8103\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8103"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8103"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8103"},{"taxonomy":"equip-category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/equip-category?post=8103"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=8103"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}