{"id":8078,"date":"2012-03-23T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-03-23T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/?p=8078"},"modified":"2012-03-23T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-03-23T00:00:00","slug":"just-tell-me-what-i-want-to-hear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/communication\/just-tell-me-what-i-want-to-hear\/","title":{"rendered":"Just Tell Me What I Want to Hear"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

My husband had this annoying habit when we were first married: He would tell me the truth.<\/p>\n

I would request his opinion on my shirt, for example, and he would casually let me know if it looked sloppy or less-than-flattering. He would thank me for the meal from my shiny new Better Homes and Gardens<\/em> cookbook, but upon my further inquiry, he\u2019d suggest I cut back on the garlic.<\/p>\n

Or I would begin a well-known wifely script. \u201cI feel so [insert adjective]. I can\u2019t believe you\u2019re attracted to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

My husband was supposed to reply, \u201cI am married to the most beautiful woman in the world.\u201d  But he would recognize my moments in the quicksand of insecurity, my attempts to drag him in.<\/p>\n

A truth-teller would not speak with inaccurate superlatives. Instead, he extended a branch: \u201cI\u2019m guessing you don\u2019t really<\/em> think that\u2019s true. I\u2019m not going to tell you that you\u2019re the most beautiful woman in the world; you wouldn\u2019t believe me anyway!\u201d<\/p>\n

Really? Try me.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cBut you are beautiful to me<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kind of anti-climactic. Didn\u2019t he know how this script was supposed to read? Who is this guy? Just tell me what I want to hear!<\/em><\/p>\n

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At times he thought that I wanted to be reminded of scriptural principles. (And I did. But not when I was sinning, for Pete\u2019s sake.) Not in a self-righteous way. Just carefully, honestly telling me what I needed to hear.<\/p>\n

Grrrr.<\/em><\/p>\n

He would also be gut-level honest about sin he was struggling with. At first I\u2019d feel awkward. Or disappointed. Or extremely angry.<\/p>\n

But the more this happened\u2014and the more I started to reveal my own struggles\u2014the more intimate and refining our relationship became. I felt closer to him as we confessed our failures to each other, then asked forgiveness and even quietly held each other accountable to change.<\/p>\n

As he grew more gentle, more careful about his timing and choice of words, I recognized something valuable and rare: trustworthiness.<\/p>\n

When my husband complimented me, he wasn\u2019t just trying to make me feel good.  His looks of admiration were from a man who\u2019d been with me in the battle, fighting with me and helping me anticipate the places I could be wounded by my own sin\u2014or wound others.<\/p>\n

Today I never doubt whether my husband is being straightforward.  The white lies that grease the wheels of so many relationships are not welcomed in our home.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t worry that he will let me continue looking tacky in an outfit, or being<\/em> tacky in the way I speak to our children. Just as I now tenderly bathe our 6-month-old son in the sink, washing the peas out of his neck so that they won\u2019t smell, or the dried applesauce sticking the strands of his hair together, my husband cleanses me with the water of the Word, like Christ has: \u201cthat He might present to Himself the Church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless\u201d (Ephesians 5:27). My husband nourishes me and cares for me like he cares for himself.<\/p>\n

My husband has grown a lot in our 10 years of marriage. But I\u2019m thankful to report that he has retained one character trait of surprising depth and worth: telling the truth.<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2010 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Even when it stings, I’m thankful for a husband who is straightforward.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":43,"featured_media":8079,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2082],"tags":[],"equip-category":[],"cwp_profile":[2801],"class_list":["post-8078","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","cwp_profile-janel-breitenstein"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2018\/04\/just-tell-me-what-i-want-to-hear-1040x326-1.jpg","uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2018\/04\/just-tell-me-what-i-want-to-hear-1040x326-1.jpg",1024,321,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Dave Meritt","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/dave-merittcru-org\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Even when it stings, I'm thankful for a husband who is straightforward.","meta_box":{"_cloudsearch_visibility":"","profile_obj_manual_select":false,"profile_obj":false,"separator":false,"enable_link":false,"login_restricted":"","content_type":"","disclaimer_banner":"","currency":false,"pricing_subtext":false,"element_type":false,"date_field":false,"date_format":false,"theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":"","series":false,"ignore_sticky":false,"conditional_blocks_category":false,"cta_selection":false},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8078","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/43"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8078"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8078\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8079"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8078"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8078"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8078"},{"taxonomy":"equip-category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/equip-category?post=8078"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=8078"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}